Wow, every response in this thread is very understandable/ relatable. I feel a certain amount of pressure to just DO IT already, while im young. I would love to do that, because i'm so scared that the longer i put it off the worse and worse it will get. Yet with that, it doesnt really matter? I could just let my life get worse and worse and worse and if i kill myself now or in 10 years itll have the same end result.
I get a bit of a thrill out of taking risks, so since i plan to end my life anyway, it would be almost like one last adventure to see how shit I can become before i go. This is impossible though as i don't have the funds or the energy to do any of it. The life i romanticize myself to have is impossible, but even that life ends in my suicide. It's a lose lose either way, whether i do it now or later really doesnt matter much i guess. Idk if any of this is making sense but i really hope at least one of you understands what im trying to say lmao