Is it EVER acceptable to ctb due to a failed relationship?

[XYZ]

For me the decision to commit suicide is a personal and autonomous act and no one can dictate what is and is not a valid reason for it.

 

[muffin222]

I mean, any reason is valid because it's one's own life and destiny.

That being said, I wouldn't ctb over a failed relationship. I think our attachments to other humans are transient and subject to change (i.e friendships drifting apart), and even if we feel an intense bond with someone, I do believe that with the passage of time that bond can fade to the point where someone who once meant the world to us can be a faded memory. There might be a ton of pain, sorrow, and heartache to endure before the attachment fades, but I think that with time and concerted effort put into other areas of life, that fade out will unfold naturally for most people

 

[KrustyWantsOut]

I'm thankful for this thread. Ever since she left I've hated every day of my life and it's lead me to SS. Hopefully I can overcome the pain like several of you have. If not, it's CTB for me. When is enough enough? Only the individual can determine this, but I feel like absolutely no one makes me feel even close to how I felt with her. Changing your focus is important, but it's hard to do when you're completely incapacitated. It's been almost 1.5 years and I can still barely muster the willpower to run errands.

 

[lamort]

Honestly, I got here because of a broken heart in January. Obviously I have a lot more on my plate, been depressed and a little insane for forever, but that tipped the iceberg, never felt such intense pain before. Used to take sleeping pills 1h after waking up because I couldn't bear being awake and alive. So I researched a lot about CTB. Now I am alright about that, never thought I would be. And before that I was also heartbroken for 2 years. Thankfully I've left the hole, but I feel super fragile yet strong, normal people don't seem to lose their lives over romantic failures. At least I've never seen it near me, yet it shatters me.

@KrustyWantsOut I overcame one ex by falling in love with someone else. It took me 2 years to go out and do it but it happened. Not the best thing to do, but you can trade one obsession for another to keep yourself busy. Hopefully you can find it. Again, not healthy, but sometimes it's all we get.

 

[KrustyWantsOut]

Thanks for the input, @lamort, that means so much to me

 

[its-about-time]

CTB happens when the threshold to cope is exceeded for long enough to be desperately intolerable. That's my theory anyways. Anything can get someone to that point. Yeah things eventually get .. not easier but you get more used to the situation after enough time away from the soulmate, just like things eventually get normalized for most other hardships, but not everyone can handle high levels of pain for that long. Suicide is tragic no matter what the situation is, and could be prevented no matter the situation. So don't kill yourself, wait it out. And if you can't, then I understand that too.

 

[HappyForever?]

If you are considering suicide over a failed relationship, chances are you have more problems than a failed relationship.

 

[novem]

that is an easy one,
no, it would never be worth to ctb bc of some relationship thing

 

[FuneralCry]

We all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing and nobody needs to justify their reasons for leaving. Suicide does not even need a reason, we have no obligations to stay alive as we did not ask to exist. Life is completely meaningless and is just a pointless experience that we go through for the sake of it after all. If someone decides to leave this world, then that is their choice.

 

[Al Cappella]

For me, personally, it's a solid no. That said, you ctb if you've had a bad haircut, if that's your go-to reason. It's up to the person. And also just my thinking, although it's probably not a popular opinion, as everyone in a suicidal position wants to believe it is in fact a choice—I tend to think it isn't. If it's not in your dna, then you won't, regardless of what you're feeling.

 

[lostmylove]

Personally yes.

Depends on context but if they where right person and you messed it up, now there's no going back.... more to life than drifting on

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Ive seen so many posts on this and the general feeling seems to be no, its not a just reason as things get better etc.
The start of my downfall was due to theend of a lovely relationship that i fucked up.
I took measures to try to feel better, moved areas/job to get away from the memories, allowed time (over a year)instead of acting impulsively.
But it feels like ive been haunted on a deep level and the pain is just as raw everyday, almost like time isnt makimg things better like it normally would. Memories pop up everyday and she turns up in my dreams.
I suppose im asking if anyone thinks that its ever a good reason to ctb. Does someone ever meet the soulmate and never get over it?
Thank you.

personally, I can't imagine CTBing over losing anyone except my blood family - no one I've met who isn't related to me, and was previously a stranger to me, has ever meant that much to me

 

[September5th]

I mean, everyone has their reasons, right? I would say, for me, it's a solid yes. But it depends...
Let me put this into perspective: Girls come and go, it's normal. But when you find the right person, it's different. It's not just about sex, it's about family. We're talking about a person who lifts you up every day, who brings color to our life. Every call, every date, every kiss... Everything becomes special. You feel loved, special and grateful. You feel ready to be an adult and do things you wouldn't do otherwise. You wake up on a Monday morning grateful and happy for the weekend you just had and what you're going to have next. You speak with pride of the person you love and admire most. She makes you feel things.
Then all of a sudden, because of silly mistakes or things neither of you can control, you're back on your own. It's the worst feeling ever and I've been through some dark shit. Every memory becomes bittersweet and you are filled with guilt, sadness, and a distinct desire to live it all over again. The present becomes unbearable and is particularly painful because you were fine just a few months ago.
Of course, this is only compounded when the rest of your life is similarly thrown into a shit hole around the same time. No will to live, it's crazy. You're left with no hopes of perspective.

 

[Hirokami]

A shit relationship is part of what brought me here in the first place. Though, it wasn't just the relationship. It was years of abuse from that relationship. The emotional and mental abuse was so bad, I had constant breakdowns and I always gaslit myself. Even to this day, I'm still suffering.

If I was asked before those events, I would have said no. However, relationships can be downright awful. Who knows why their relationship failed in the first place?

 

[LongtimeLoser]

I was with a guy once that smoked cigarettes, smoked weed, and did all kinds of drugs. He was always looking for "a head change". He wasn't chasing the original high that so many do, but he was always going outside or in the garage to smoke or pop a pill.

I don't usually judge, but when I had first met him, he was was so sweet and clear headed. He didn't smoke or do any drugs, because he had moved back into his parents' home.

This all changed when he began dating me. It was all because he felt comfortable and I provided him a safe place to be himself. I ended the relationship because he quickly changed into a different person. He was the last serious relationship I've had. It nearly broke me leaving him because I didn't want to date someone hooked on drugs. I completely understand how someone you love can fuck with your head.

 

[ntb1992]

This thread is exactly what I was hoping for. I've always been mentally ill, but last month my relationship fell apart and I'm just… broken. I hope it gets better, but I'm afraid it won't. I know that a lot of people heal. I also know that some people never get over losing the love of their life. So I'm just trying to be realistic. And I want a way out in case I never get better. That's all.

I'm thankful for this thread. Ever since she left I've hated every day of my life and it's lead me to SS. Hopefully I can overcome the pain like several of you have. If not, it's CTB for me. When is enough enough? Only the individual can determine this, but I feel like absolutely no one makes me feel even close to how I felt with her. Changing your focus is important, but it's hard to do when you're completely incapacitated. It's been almost 1.5 years and I can still barely muster the willpower to run errands.

You've summed up my feelings exactly. It's only been a month for me, but it's just been one constant panic attack and I'm afraid it'll never stop. Your comment made me feel less alone. Thank you for that.

 

[Funeralprincess]

Ive seen so many posts on this and the general feeling seems to be no, its not a just reason as things get better etc.
The start of my downfall was due to theend of a lovely relationship that i fucked up.
I took measures to try to feel better, moved areas/job to get away from the memories, allowed time (over a year)instead of acting impulsively.
But it feels like ive been haunted on a deep level and the pain is just as raw everyday, almost like time isnt makimg things better like it normally would. Memories pop up everyday and she turns up in my dreams.
I suppose im asking if anyone thinks that its ever a good reason to ctb. Does someone ever meet the soulmate and never get over it?
Thank you.

Oh how I used to be one of those people who would judge and say killing yourself I've love is stupid and not valid. Fast forward years later, and I'm in that exact position. I lost the love of my life due to my mental illness and I never stopped loving him after we separated. Everyone said it would "fade away" but with years and time it got worse. The guilt has crept up more and more and therapy and medications have not helped it. Relationships are a valid reason to die IF it was one you deeply valued and poured your life into. I've met a few people on here who actually want to CTB for the same reasons as us whether it be they fucked it up, or their partner died. Lots of people on here want to judge those of us that have that as a sole reason, but it's a valid one when it is something that is destroying you on the daily. This whole concept that you'll "find love again" is bullshit people say to make someone feel better. It's NEVER a promise that you'll find love again, especially in THIS current relationship market.
You reasons are valid if the guilt Is becoming too much. I suffer daily with feelings I still have and LOTS of guilt. The guilt is so bad I'll literally be throwing up from anxiety due to it.

If what you're feeling is unbearable it's a valid reason

I'm thankful for this thread. Ever since she left I've hated every day of my life and it's lead me to SS. Hopefully I can overcome the pain like several of you have. If not, it's CTB for me. When is enough enough? Only the individual can determine this, but I feel like absolutely no one makes me feel even close to how I felt with her. Changing your focus is important, but it's hard to do when you're completely incapacitated. It's been almost 1.5 years and I can still barely muster the willpower to run errands.

It's been year three for me now. My mental health fucked up the best man I ever had and I still love him. We separated and he kinda led me to believe we'd try again well that was all a lie. I've been so mentally fucked up because we were together a long time and many promises were made…. Sometimes it doesn't get better and a lot of people won't acknowledge that. They'll just tell you "oh it will fade" and maybe it will, but if it doesn't you'll be living with that pain. No matter how much therapy ive done, it hasn't helped and it's because I deeply love him. I've never been more motivated to die…. Some people fail to realize when you have nothing and get someone who makes you feel like you have everything and then you lose them, it destroys you

 

[KrustyWantsOut]

@mblum thank you very much for sharing, and I'm so, so deeply sorry to hear how much pain you're in . The fact that it's been three years for you, no therapy has helped, and that you're throwing up from guilt is just heart-wrenching, and I most sincerely hope you will one day fully heal and find true love again. Please PM me anytime to get anything off your chest, I would love to at least try to make you feel better.

I am not entirely sure if I lost my person due to mental illness, I think it was more due to inexperience, but I'm sure mental issues didn't help (she also had them). However, now that I've actualized my shortcomings, the pain has really only shifted: whereas before I blamed mostly her and had so much hate, anger, resentment and confusion, now that is being directed inward and has just arguably caused even more pain because I'm now ruminating even more and just constantly wishing I had known better.

@mblum It just feels like anyone else would be settling, and that's what I think I hate the very most. Like you said, finding someone compatible in this market is difficult to begin with, let alone finding that special person that makes your heart flutter and 'checks all the boxes'.

Once you finally find someone like that it just feels like a dream come true, so to lose them just really feels like all hope is lost and it's just a profound type of unbearable agony that makes you truly question if continuing to live is worth it. I wouldn't wish this on my very worst enemy in any timeline of existence, and I don't know how much longer I can fucking take it.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Hell no! I didn't ctb over the death of my beloved dog of 10 yrs so I'm definitely not doing it over a human. That's way too much power to give someone.

 

[sfabians]

Some people lose their lives because of failed relationships, either by revenge murder or Ctb. Hopefully it's only a small minority.

 

[longenough]

I would not judge anyones reasons, everybody has a breaking point and for some people that is reached over a failed relationship.

 

[rationaltake]

Bottom line for me - this is a pro-choice forum.

I think checking that someone really does want to ctb is valid but rejecting anybody's motive for ctb is just as anti-choice as those who want to refuse us the right to ctb under any circumstances. And it is just as discriminatory as assisted suicide programs with strict stipulations as to who is - and is not - eligible for assisted suicide.

I have seen posts on here undermining those who want to ctb due to a failed relationship.

Only I have to live my life. Only I can decide what I will or will not endure. End of.

 

[lofticries]

I can't really judge since long before I just wanted to ctb out of boredom. Also I've never been in a romantic relationship and don't plan to.

 

[ornitier199]

CTB is for the personal self. There is not an 'ever acceptable'. The right to die will always be respected no matter what. And enforced.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Ctb is never unacceptable, in my opinion. Only if you have kids/pets may it be problematic, but I still hesitate to say unacceptable.

 

[Funeralprincess]

@mblum thank you very much for sharing, and I'm so, so deeply sorry to hear how much pain you're in . The fact that it's been three years for you, no therapy has helped, and that you're throwing up from guilt is just heart-wrenching, and I most sincerely hope you will one day fully heal and find true love again. Please PM me anytime to get anything off your chest, I would love to at least try to make you feel better.

I am not entirely sure if I lost my person due to mental illness, I think it was more due to inexperience, but I'm sure mental issues didn't help (she also had them). However, now that I've actualized my shortcomings, the pain has really only shifted: whereas before I blamed mostly her and had so much hate, anger, resentment and confusion, now that is being directed inward and has just arguably caused even more pain because I'm now ruminating even more and just constantly wishing I had known better.

@mblum It just feels like anyone else would be settling, and that's what I think I hate the very most. Like you said, finding someone compatible in this market is difficult to begin with, let alone finding that special person that makes your heart flutter and 'checks all the boxes'.

Once you finally find someone like that it just feels like a dream come true, so to lose them just really feels like all hope is lost and it's just a profound type of unbearable agony that makes you truly question if continuing to live is worth it. I wouldn't wish this on my very worst enemy in any timeline of existence, and I don't know how much longer I can fucking take it.

@mblum thank you very much for sharing, and I'm so, so deeply sorry to hear how much pain you're in . The fact that it's been three years for you, no therapy has helped, and that you're throwing up from guilt is just heart-wrenching, and I most sincerely hope you will one day fully heal and find true love again. Please PM me anytime to get anything off your chest, I would love to at least try to make you feel better.

I am not entirely sure if I lost my person due to mental illness, I think it was more due to inexperience, but I'm sure mental issues didn't help (she also had them). However, now that I've actualized my shortcomings, the pain has really only shifted: whereas before I blamed mostly her and had so much hate, anger, resentment and confusion, now that is being directed inward and has just arguably caused even more pain because I'm now ruminating even more and just constantly wishing I had known better.

@mblum It just feels like anyone else would be settling, and that's what I think I hate the very most. Like you said, finding someone compatible in this market is difficult to begin with, let alone finding that special person that makes your heart flutter and 'checks all the boxes'.

Once you finally find someone like that it just feels like a dream come true, so to lose them just really feels like all hope is lost and it's just a profound type of unbearable agony that makes you truly question if continuing to live is worth it. I wouldn't wish this on my very worst enemy in any timeline of existence, and I don't know how much longer I can fucking take it.

Thank you for understanding and yes, he checked all of my boxes in every single way. It is hard to find someone compatible, yes. Losing the perfect person does make life feel hopeless and it's also a bold faced lie when people say you'll "find love" again. Yes you may find love, but you'd probably be settling and you'd probably be living a lie. Despite therapy not helping, one things I've learned while in it is that my therapist says this is a VERY a common issue. She says she has clients who are married only because they had to settle, but in the back of their minds they deeply love their exes from many years ago and the feelings never ever faded. My mental health took away the best man I've ever had… handsome, VERY good job, took care of me, made time for me every day, great lover, emotionally intelligent, etc. they don't make a lot of men like that these days because most men are mediocre and lack any type of drive and substance that meets my standards… I still love him years later and he wants me to be in his life still as a friend, but it's hard for me to. It hurts so bad, but I allow it because I do still love him immensely. I'm sorry you lost your love and maybe you will find another but it isn't promised that you will the way people try to say it is. These past few months I've tried to keep living, but it's just hard and depressing. I always go right back to thinking about killing myself… I agree with you! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy either. In therapy, I've seen and met some people going through this… one lady is on her eleventh year of not being over her ex and she tried the whole dating other people bullshit and that just made it worse because she indeed was settling and they didn't make her feel anything. Yeah I get sick pretty often from this and have a lot of health issues now. I'm always extremely sick so it's affected me to the point I'm in and out of doctors offices a hell of a lot and that also impacts my job. Every day I dream of dying in my sleep, I dream of dying just in general because I don't want to be here. I don't want anyone to experience this pain because those of us that do carry it out whole lives. I want out, and I'm trying to just now decide the best way to commit for me and my needs

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Probably not but I wanted to especially after one particular person I was seeing for under a year. I was so devastated and it took a very long time to overcome the pain of the heartache and longing. I wish I had went thru with suicide then but I ended up getting over it after a couple of years. Took me like 2 yrs to get over a under 1 year involvement. Anyway I understand why pple suicide over breakups now in some cases. It can be really traumatic sometimes especially if u really adored the person and they suddenly cut u off like u were nothing. You will eventually get to a point that u are over it if u wait long enough. The downside is it may be difficult to date a new person because ure afraid of that ever happening again. You might not get much chance to meet new people depending on individual circumstances.

 

[Sslsh]

It could be one of the things that adds up to the pain ig. but not as a standalone reason for me atleast

 

[KrustyWantsOut]

Probably not but I wanted to especially after one particular person I was seeing for under a year. I was so devastated and it took a very long time to overcome the pain of the heartache and longing. I wish I had went thru with suicide then but I ended up getting over it after a couple of years. Took me like 2 yrs to get over a under 1 year involvement. Anyway I understand why pple suicide over breakups now in some cases. It can be really traumatic sometimes especially if u really adored the person and they suddenly cut u off like u were nothing. You will eventually get to a point that u are over it if u wait long enough. The downside is it may be difficult to date a new person because ure afraid of that ever happening again. You might not get much chance to meet new people depending on individual circumstances.

I am in this boat, but I just don't see it ever getting better this time. I most sincerely hope I'm wrong!

 

[FogFilledLife]

Validity lies in the individual.