Is it even possible to have a good social life with autism or am I just inhaling copium?

[ggetout33]

I personally believe if I won't be charismatic and I won't make any big impact on the world then my life doesn't matter and I should CTB.

What good is music if no one will hear it? What good is drawing if no one will see it?

It's why I'm not as motivated as I once was, honestly I do the bare minimum compared to what I could do. Cause I've been disappointed before.

I don't go out that much cause again, autism basically is a brick wall when it comes to talking to strangers. I wish I wasn't autistic. They don't even make pills for treating autism.

Dating just seems out of the question. All the good potential partners are already taken and the rest seem to be psychos who would happily take advantage of my money or naivete. I hate that this is all I can get.

 

[deathLiberation]

Dont think anyone is that important, but i understand, i´ve been there, trying to justify my existence to people who dont care.

I have some autism, i dated so it wasnt a problem. Keeping relationships, indeed, it´s hard. Exhausting even.

Maybe turning up the "f**k it" level will help you navigate life.

A day came when i didnt care about any of that anymore.

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

I understand the constant desire of acknowledgements and annoyance of being different, but sadly I don't can't offer any solution. People would tell you the usual nonsense of "just be yourself and be confident", yet this is not like a switch you can automatically turn on in your head.

Give yourself more time and try to find a hobby you excel at if that's possible.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

The thing with autism I'd social skills can be taught and practiced. It just takes quite a bit of effort. Some people with autism can actually be very charismatic, for some artists it's one of their skills, although it's on the rare side, but my dad is one of those. I envy him, he finds socialising easy, even though he's pretty isolated these days

 

[deathLiberation]

The thing with autism I'd social skills can be taught and practiced. It just takes quite a bit of effort. Some people with autism can actually be very charismatic, for some artists it's one of their skills, although it's on the rare side, but my dad is one of those. I envy him, he finds socialising easy, even though he's pretty isolated these days

Unfortnately also makes learning hard and a reason why i have such a hard time finishing college. Its makes a lot of stuff harder. Life in hard mode for far too long. Used to blame myself, now i just blame this sick existence and move on.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Unfortnately also makes learning hard and a reason why i have such a hard time finishing college. Its makes a lot of stuff harder. Life in hard mode for far too long. Used to blame myself, now i just blame this sick existence and move on.

Yeah, to be fair it certainly is hard mode. I'm fucking sick of life. I never get the help I really need. I just get antidepressants shoved down my throat. Useless fucking shit. Been on over a dozen over 25 years. Fucking sick of this life

 

[Lucilius]

You don't need to socialize if you don't want to. With mininal social life you can make a delayed or inconspicuous but significant impact on the world. What social life did people Kafka, Van Gogh or like Georg Cantor have? For real.

 

[AriasRed]

I'm autistic and only recently have I been managing to have an existing social life. I'm 24 now. It's hard to socialize, you just don't have enough energy for that no matter how lonely you feel. And that's me not mentioning the sensory issues along with having a hard time noticing jokes/sarcasm.

I can't give much advice except for interacting with people when/if the opportunity arises. Extroverts are best for this since they enjoy talking a lot and you don't have to do much to keep them happy except for listening, giving an opinion or two, answering questions... Until then, no problem in being alone with the company of online beings.

 

[Touhou]

As someone with Asperger's, yeah you're kind of inhaling copium.

 

[WaveringLight]

I think it depends on how severe your autism is, since ASD is such a spectrum it can affect others in similar yet different ways.

I personally have Asperger's, and it hasn't presented too many issues for me. Yes, I may sometimes feel my perception of the world and my priorities are different from my peers around me, however this has not had a negative influence on my social life. I learned to mask it well when I was younger. In fact most people don't know I have it until I tell them. I also have what I would say are good friends. So I would say for my case it is most certainly possible.

However, this is only my case. A mild case. Your autism could be much more impacting to the point you can't really compensate for it. And I can definitely see how that would affect your social life. It may be hard, but I believe you can find the right people. There will be less accepting of you; that is true. However, there will be some who can relate to you. You just have to find those people like you as well, or perhaps ones that would accept you.

 

[ggetout33]

I think it depends on how severe your autism is, since ASD is such a spectrum it can affect others in similar yet different ways.

I personally have Asperger's, and it hasn't presented too many issues for me. Yes, I may sometimes feel my perception of the world and my priorities are different from my peers around me, however this has not had a negative influence on my social life. I learned to mask it well when I was younger. In fact most people don't know I have it until I tell them. I also have what I would say are good friends. So I would say for my case it is most certainly possible.

However, this is only my case. A mild case. Your autism could be much more impacting to the point you can't really compensate for it. And I can definitely see how that would affect your social life. It may be hard, but I believe you can find the right people. There will be less accepting of you; that is true. However, there will be some who can relate to you. You just have to find those people like you as well, or perhaps ones that would accept you.

My autism is fairly mild. I don't think I'm that good at masking (mainly just because I never really bothered), and even though I love talking to people I struggle with social cues.

I could pass as a neurotypical for the most part but I often feel like people know there's something different about me, not really in a bad way. But years of bullying and ostracizing in my childhood has left me extremely anxious around strangers.

But tbh I don't really know what a neurotypical's social life actually looks like. From my point of view, NT's find socializing very easy since they could pathologically (for lack of a better term) know the right cues and what words to say. Where as for me I'm just kinda winging it. Sometimes I get it right, other times I don't.

 

[Misfit72]

I've never actually been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, and when I've used the term 'Asperger Syndrome' as a way of explaining the difficulties I face, some people get very aggressive and say 'how do you know you've got it if you've never been diagnosed?'

The National Autistic Society in the UK is completely useless and only cares about children, and only then because they've got pushy parents.

This is from Graham Lewis, the grandfather of Callie Lewis, known to some of you here as @Zanexx

 

[crud]

It's harder and does take a lot of training, learning, practicing and the improvement you will get will almost always be incremental over prolonged periods of time. Take time to observe how other people interact between each other and learn from that (real life not YouTube con artist). I know some people use AI as crutches but is a whole other debate. Perhaps prioritize environments that are less variable or just mix and mash the two. You may experience periods where you regress and you shouldn't expect to do a 180 overnight. Most things you'll have to think of as a process and going right at it may not always be viable.

It's a bit of a matter of managing expectations and understanding your limitations and needs and properly communicating them to those around you, not just grouping all your shortcomings under the diagnosis (chances are you won't ever have to mention it).

You probably won't become the Michael Jordan of socialization that's true (and true for most things in anyones life even if they are NT) but you can still have a rewarding social life, even if sometimes tumultuous. Some people will accommodate and some won't, but that should just make it easier to understand which relationships (which will develop and you will have to foster overtime) to invest your efforts in. Important thing is to just keep going like with any other skill.

Also relationships are just one aspect of life (albeit an important one) but they can't be the end all be all otherwise you will put people in an almost Godlike position over your life they will never be able fulfill (and shouldn't be expected to) and you'll just hurt yourself in the process.

Choose other things to focus on and work on, which you'll probably have to suffer through them more than the average folk, and as you do the rest will come by inertia, but again likely not immediately.

I apologize if any of it came across as patronizing or condescending, or they are just items you are tired of listening over and over, it wasn't the intention.

'luck :)

 

[dogtired]

It's absolutely possible. I'm autistic and have a lovely group of friends. I was diagnosed late (at 18) so had to learn to mask well while growing up. I'm a woman but struggle to make friends with other women for some reason (I've heard it's an autism thing) so all my friends are male or non-binary. I've accepted that I'll never enjoy clubbing or other loud/busy environments so I'm lucky to have found people who don't pressure me into that stuff. Admittedly many of my friendships are facilitated by drugs and alcohol in the beginning before I get comfortable enough to spend time with people sober. I'm 24 now but in my teens I could only really socialise when I was on drugs, especially MDMA. I prefer spending time with people in small groups rather than 1-1 as it takes the pressure off me to constantly engage/lead the conversation - I can zone out occasionally without it being obvious. The key is to hang out with people who have similar ideas of fun - if you have hobbies they're a great way to connect with people. Easier said than done of course, I do realise that. Fully agree with what you said about autistic people living life on hard mode. If you struggle making friends with neurotypical people you might have better luck with an autistic/ADHD friend group. I tend to connect better with neurodiverse people although I have both NT and ND friends.

Just some of my experiences there, take from it what you will - I'm sure you'll find your people :)

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

DISCLAIMER: Sometimes my autism isn't that bad*

It is possible. But I have no idea how I got here.

Every friend group I've ever been in basically started the conversation first with me. I never really made friends on my own volition. I simply don't know how to.

I also have issues staying in groups. I often would just stop responding and go quiet, and not really text people a lot, much less in DMs directly. It's weird, I don't know how to measure my attachment to a group really.

In my friend group, people treat me as normal. There are one or two (and maybe a third) people in the group that possibly are also on the spectrum as well, and either have it equal or worse than me. My friend group is pretty accepting/accommodating. The group literally came to be in a group chat where a then just-a-colleague-I-know-by-name made a group of people he knew that we still in college after the pandemic. It made sense because most of the group had long overstayed their time in college (I'm finishing my 9th year, end still not near in sight)

So, it is possible. But all I can really offer are my best wishes, really. I hope luck shines on you and you can find a social group to call your own.
Hugs,

*: When I went to a therapist that specialized in autism, she barely believed I was on the spectrum at first. It was only in later sessions that she saw that I definitely wasn't neurotypical. My issues now are, beyond not being born with the manual on human interactions, mostly behavioral. Through the school of hard knocks I learned how to be more normal. I was diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of six.

 

[yellowroses]

I personally believe if I won't be charismatic and I won't make any big impact on the world then my life doesn't matter and I should CTB.

What good is music if no one will hear it? What good is drawing if no one will see it?

It's why I'm not as motivated as I once was, honestly I do the bare minimum compared to what I could do. Cause I've been disappointed before.

I don't go out that much cause again, autism basically is a brick wall when it comes to talking to strangers. I wish I wasn't autistic. They don't even make pills for treating autism.

Dating just seems out of the question. All the good potential partners are already taken and the rest seem to be psychos who would happily take advantage of my money or naivete. I hate that this is all I can get.

Honestly the best thing I ever did for myself was find more autistic people to be friends with, I can actually communicate fairly well with other autistics, and they've given me the confidence or I guess "fuck it" attitude that made me stop masking and stop giving a shit how non-autistics react to me. It's hard though, I wish you luck

 

[nerve]

I've known autistic people who have really good social lives. obviously, someone with really severe autism can't do it the way you or i might, but you can post here and you identify as having mild autism, so it's an obstacle, not a social death sentence. one of the nicest, sweetest friends i had growing up was pretty autistic and there were plenty of people willing to look past that or even embrace his awkwardness because he was a kind and warm person, much kinder and warmer than a lot of neurotypicals you'll find out there.

no one chooses to be autistic, but everyone can choose to be nice and treat others well, even if it has to be learned.

most of us will never make a big impact on the world. if anything, that'll make it easier to relate to others and interact with them. a lot of people who make those impacts have to sacrifice stuff like social lives or personal happiness to get there. it's not all sunshine and rainbows for them either.

 

[Graycy09]

I have a friend who was not socialised at all when he was a child so he struggles to understand visual cues and interpret body language and all that. I care about him a lot and he's got some other very supportive friends. It won't be easy and you're for sure gonna have a more difficult time than most people when it comes to your social life, but I still think it's worth it. He's 0% charismatic btw, I don't think not being charismatic makes you unlikeable, I see it as more of a personality quirk, I guess. I'm naturally drawn to unusual people so I might be a bit biased, but with time you do end up finding people who support you.

I really wish you the best