Is it better to have an attempted suicide before actually CTB’ing?

[bleepbloopbleep]

the one thing that held me back from CTB was always the fear of failure.

Now that I have SN + recommended extra things I'm almost certain I can fail proof this.

But now that I'm thinking about it I've never had an attempt before. People around me dont seem to take me too seriously either.

I'm not doing it for attention but I'm thinking about if an attempt first is better than a complete CTB?

Anyone any experience with that?

 

[kitia973]

I feel like that depends on whether you have a concrete support system or not. Sometimes people start to take you seriously after an attempt, but that is only true if they care about you in the first place.

 

[Odwin]

You mean like a test if you really want to die?

 

[bleepbloopbleep]

I feel like that depends on whether you have a concrete support system or not. Sometimes people start to take you seriously after an attempt, but that is only true if they care about you in the first place.

I know they do.

The thing is. I feel like I want to do it anyways, regardless of that. But it's almost in a "MAYBE it will change my mind?"

But then I feel like they would hate me more after an actual successful CTB.

You mean like a test if you really want to die?

I guess maybe. It's that combined with seeing if actual more urgent help and care afterwards will change my mind.

I know from other people's experiences that it rarely does. But ya know.. maybe?

 

[yukiovos]

I wouldnt risk injury and any kind of pain to "test this out" also if u do change ur mind you will be sent to hospital and it all seems a bit uneccessary dont u think? Surely there are better ways to know if u are ready or not

 

[kitia973]

Well, if you do decide to attempt, choose something that is very unlikely to hurt you in case you change your mind after getting support. Maybe pick something along the lines of otc medication, and only take a little more than the desired dosage. I have oded on Tylenol before, and it did absolutely nothing other than make me nauseous and dizzy. I was still taken to the ER nonetheless, and I did receive a bit of care from my family afterwards.

 

[whaleandwasp]

Well, if you do decide to attempt, choose something that is very unlikely to hurt you in case you change your mind after getting support. Maybe pick something along the lines of otc medication, and only take a little more than the desired dosage. I have oded on Tylenol before, and it did absolutely nothing other than make me nauseous and dizzy. I was still taken to the ER nonetheless, and I did receive a bit of care from my family afterwards.

Do not overdose on Tylenol / Paracetemol (acetaminophen). It will cause a slow and painful death and nothing can be done to stop it once it begins. It causes liver failure and death if you take a sufficient amount and it is not a pleasant way to CTB. When I worked in an emergency room, there was a teenage girl brought in who had taken two and half bottles of Tylenol in an attempt to garner sympathy and attention for having a "suicide attempt," but she had no real desire to CTB and said she knew Tylenol wouldn't actually kill her, or so she thought. Well, she ended up catching the bus anyway and there was nothing anyone can do to stop it because so many hours had passed between when she took the medication, fell asleep, and woke up and told her mother that her stomach hurt and she felt unwell. I remember seeing them bring her down from the ICU a few days later and her entire body was glowing yellow with jaundice. Much suffering for her and for her family who had to watch her body slowly shut down. This message isn't directed at you only @kitia973 -- I'm posting it so others who are considering an overdose on acetaminophen and don't know the risks involved. There's also the possibility that you don't take enough to CTB, but just enough to wreck you liver, then spend the next months or years of your life in liver failure.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I personally never understood this type of mindset as I personally want to die so that I can finally be dead. I want it to be my one and only attempt so that I don't have to deal with existence any longer

 

[Lo$t95]

Do not overdose on Tylenol / Paracetemol (acetaminophen). It will cause a slow and painful death and nothing can be done to stop it once it begins. It causes liver failure and death if you take a sufficient amount and it is not a pleasant way to CTB. When I worked in an emergency room, there was a teenage girl brought in who had taken two and half bottles of Tylenol in an attempt to garner sympathy and attention for having a "suicide attempt," but she had no real desire to CTB and said she knew Tylenol wouldn't actually kill her, or so she thought. Well, she ended up catching the bus anyway and there was nothing anyone can do to stop it because so many hours had passed between when she took the medication, fell asleep, and woke up and told her mother that her stomach hurt and she felt unwell. I remember seeing them bring her down from the ICU a few days later and her entire body was glowing yellow with jaundice. Much suffering for her and for her family who had to watch her body slowly shut down. This message isn't directed at you only @kitia973 -- I'm posting it so others who are considering an overdose on acetaminophen and don't know the risks involved. There's also the possibility that you don't take enough to CTB, but just enough to wreck you liver, then spend the next months or years of your life in liver failure.

This is fascinating - so it's painful ok whatever so is life. As a 29 yo male 6'2 who weighs about 69 kg what is least amount of paracetamol that would kill you?

Please answer
SI is non existent in this method a slipknot noose at night is a lot more intimidating for SI.

 

[kitia973]

Do not overdose on Tylenol / Paracetemol (acetaminophen). It will cause a slow and painful death and nothing can be done to stop it once it begins. It causes liver failure and death if you take a sufficient amount and it is not a pleasant way to CTB. When I worked in an emergency room, there was a teenage girl brought in who had taken two and half bottles of Tylenol in an attempt to garner sympathy and attention for having a "suicide attempt," but she had no real desire to CTB and said she knew Tylenol wouldn't actually kill her, or so she thought. Well, she ended up catching the bus anyway and there was nothing anyone can do to stop it because so many hours had passed between when she took the medication, fell asleep, and woke up and told her mother that her stomach hurt and she felt unwell. I remember seeing them bring her down from the ICU a few days later and her entire body was glowing yellow with jaundice. Much suffering for her and for her family who had to watch her body slowly shut down. This message isn't directed at you only @kitia973 -- I'm posting it so others who are considering an overdose on acetaminophen and don't know the risks involved. There's also the possibility that you don't take enough to CTB, but just enough to wreck you liver, then spend the next months or years of your life in liver failure.

Why I said take only a little more than the desired dosage. On my bottle it states "do not take more than 6 pills within 24 hours", so even 7 pills could be considered an attempt. I took 20 pills during my od and no liver damage occurred, so if you don't have preexisting liver problems I doubt it would cause severe damage if not an incredibly large amount (two bottles) is taken.

 

[Lo$t95]

I personally never understood this type of mindset as I personally want to die so that I can finally be dead. I want it to be my one and only attempt so that I don't have to deal with existence any longer

yeah I didn't want to be the one to say it but yeah…

The thing is. I feel like I want to do it anyways, regardless of that. But it's almost in a "MAYBE it will change my mind?"

No disrespect intended but please redirect yourself to recovery or help resources. You are not suicidal. You want to be helped. Be honest with yourself.

 

[LinxLunar]

So, If you want I can tell you my experience. Last year, I wanted to CTB but some people convinced me not to, and to try to search for more help. I tried but it didn't work (that's why I'm here again hiii) And I still decided to took some SN. Around a third of what I actually need to die and it was ok, I didn't do any preparation before, so I just vomit everything and my night was really hard, really sick etc but nothing too serious. This is just my experience, don't take it as scientific proof.
But if you want to do an attempt to see if you really want to, there may be other way to do so. If you want to test secondary effet in case you fail, SN is pretty safe on this (again, from my experience)

 

[bleepbloopbleep]

I wouldnt risk injury and any kind of pain to "test this out" also if u do change ur mind you will be sent to hospital and it all seems a bit uneccessary dont u think? Surely there are better ways to know if u are ready or not

That's true. But it's not necessarily the knowing if I'm ready too. But I guess partly of how it will affect my loved ones and surroundings too?

I personally never understood this type of mindset as I personally want to die so that I can finally be dead. I want it to be my one and only attempt so that I don't have to deal with existence any longer

I don't want to deal with existing. But sometimes I hear so many "turn around after attempt" stories that I almost want to see if it does that to me?

 

[BlueberrySylv]

So, If you want I can tell you my experience. Last year, I wanted to CTB but some people convinced me not to, and to try to search for more help. I tried but it didn't work (that's why I'm here again hiii) And I still decided to took some SN. Around a third of what I actually need to die and it was ok, I didn't do any preparation before, so I just vomit everything and my night was really hard, really sick etc but nothing too serious. This is just my experience, don't take it as scientific proof.
But if you want to do an attempt to see if you really want to, there may be other way to do so. If you want to test secondary effet in case you fail, SN is pretty safe on this (again, from my experience)

so you took sn to just test how itll end up affecting you?
if its all fine how did it actually effect you? you say it was painful and all so i wonder how it really was...
nausea is guranteed but how did it go with you?

 

[nomoredolor]

the one thing that held me back from CTB was always the fear of failure.

Now that I have SN + recommended extra things I'm almost certain I can fail proof this.

But now that I'm thinking about it I've never had an attempt before. People around me dont seem to take me too seriously either.

I'm not doing it for attention but I'm thinking about if an attempt first is better than a complete CTB?

Anyone any experience with that?

I have a good support system. They were mostly blindsided by my attempt. They were angry and guilt tripped me. They beg me to stay alive. Everyone is now terrified I am going to off myself. It's hellish and I wish I had been successful. All of the guilt without any of the results. And now it's even harder to plan my SN death because of how badly they want me to stay and are trying to support me so I stay. It fucking sucks. I just want to die and every day I stay I am choosing my suffering over theirs. But I also frame it as every day I stay is a gift from me to them even tho I will be Ctb in the end.

If you want to try for intervention before taking your life the foolproof way you can go to the hospital or call 988 and tell them you're suicidal and have a plan. It won't be a fun experience but you'll certainly be connected to crisis.

Hugs

Anna

 

[bleepbloopbleep]

yeah I didn't want to be the one to say it but yeah…

No disrespect intended but please redirect yourself to recovery or help resources. You are not suicidal. You want to be helped. Be honest with yourself.

I don't. I want to understand people who change their minds after their attempt.

I want to see if something will change.

But in general. I don't like myself. I struggle with mental disorders that can't be cured and will continue to ruin my life. My partner is dying within the next 5-10 years due to a heart illness. My family will never speak to me again once they find out my sexuality.
There is nothing that will fix any of this. And I cannot live without/with any of these things.

Living is constant suffering right now unless I'm distracting myself. And it's fucking miserable.

I don't want to live. But I just wanted to understand. See if there is something that will change my mind. I don't think there is. But maybe.

So, If you want I can tell you my experience. Last year, I wanted to CTB but some people convinced me not to, and to try to search for more help. I tried but it didn't work (that's why I'm here again hiii) And I still decided to took some SN. Around a third of what I actually need to die and it was ok, I didn't do any preparation before, so I just vomit everything and my night was really hard, really sick etc but nothing too serious. This is just my experience, don't take it as scientific proof.
But if you want to do an attempt to see if you really want to, there may be other way to do so. If you want to test secondary effet in case you fail, SN is pretty safe on this (again, from my experience)

Thank you! <3

I have a good support system. They were mostly blindsided by my attempt. They were angry and guilt tripped me. They beg me to stay alive. Everyone is now terrified I am going to off myself. It's hellish and I wish I had been successful. All of the guilt without any of the results. And now it's even harder to plan my SN death because of how badly they want me to stay and are trying to support me so I stay. It fucking sucks. I just want to die and every day I stay I am choosing my suffering over theirs. But I also frame it as every day I stay is a gift from me to them even tho I will be Ctb in the end.

If you want to try for intervention before taking your life the foolproof way you can go to the hospital or call 988 and tell them you're suicidal and have a plan. It won't be a fun experience but you'll certainly be connected to crisis.

Hugs

Anna

This put way more in perspective.

I do think my surroundings would make me feel a similar way. And now that I think about it, thinking about that pain is way worse.

I guess it's easier for everyone including myself to just be successful the first try.

Thanks!