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thronesick

thronesick

i am a hive walking
Jan 2, 2025
41
im curious to know what people did or would do on their final day.

my first and only attempt was in sixth grade i took a shit load of migraine pills throughout the school day it was literally falling out my pocket i just had hoped to go to sleep forever. it was more so impulsive i didn't think it through make a note or anything compared to now. id probably linger longer with loved ones when talking to them and leave a note in their drawer. that day would probably feel so surreal (only 2 weeks from now) where i'm just hyper focusing on the world before i cease to exist. honestly i feel like i'd listen to music as i ctb. gotta take it with me haha
 
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ropeburns&migranes

ropeburns&migranes

Member
Nov 30, 2023
26
A few hours before my attempt I went out to eat at a new Thai restaurant with my mom. A few minutes before my attempt I went out to buy a small pack of chips to eat with my pills (my method of choice at the time unfortunately). The day was overall just uneventful. The only reason I remember going to that restaurant with my mom was because after I woke up in the hospital my mom told me she thought she did something while we were eating there to warrant my attempt and if there was anything she could have done to prevent it. I remember feeling really bad after that. Like she thought a singular action could have caused or prevented my attempt.
 
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requiemforadream

requiemforadream

This little fellow is getting tired
Jan 1, 2025
48
I woke up, went to an escort, eat an kebab, went to mental facility for seeking help, they rejected me, I went for a bridge, smoked a cigarette and jumped.
 
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soapgoat

soapgoat

Banned
Dec 30, 2024
27
I called my mom and made sure to say I love a lot at the end of the call and wrote notes to all my familly and text messages to my friends. I think I played soccer that day but can't remember too well. I read part of my Bible and then I left my notes and my journals on my bed and made my bed. I snuck out to a hiking trail and took a bunch of aleve which is a blood thinner so I could cut easier. The knives were dull and I couldn't get deep so I gave up and went around town at like 4 am. The next night I snuck out again and tried to jump but I couldn't do it. I was really wet from rain and looked disheveled so I skipped school and tried again at like 6 pm but a cop saw me right before I would jump so I ran home. I went with my day normally after that but my parents were upset I skipped.
I woke up, went to an escort, eat an kebab, went to mental facility for seeking help, they rejected me, I went for a bridge, smoked a cigarette and jumped.
what happened after you jumped? Did someone find you or did you have to calm an ambulance and how bad were your injuries.
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
780
Nothing particular special with any of my attempts as I don't plan to ctb on certain dates. My day goes normally but either built up mental pain gets too much or something triggers me to want to attempt it.
 
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requiemforadream

requiemforadream

This little fellow is getting tired
Jan 1, 2025
48
I called my mom and made sure to say I love a lot at the end of the call and wrote notes to all my familly and text messages to my friends. I think I played soccer that day but can't remember too well. I read part of my Bible and then I left my notes and my journals on my bed and made my bed. I snuck out to a hiking trail and took a bunch of aleve which is a blood thinner so I could cut easier. The knives were dull and I couldn't get deep so I gave up and went around town at like 4 am. The next night I snuck out again and tried to jump but I couldn't do it. I was really wet from rain and looked disheveled so I skipped school and tried again at like 6 pm but a cop saw me right before I would jump so I ran home. I went with my day normally after that but my parents were upset I skipped.

what happened after you jumped? Did someone find you or did you have to calm an ambulance and how bad were your injuries.
The coast guard, police and ambulance arrived. I broke my spine, lumbar vertebrae, ribs and pelvis. I spent two days in the hospital undergoing procedures that saved my life and then a week in a psychiatric hospital. For the next few months I couldn't walk and had to wear a brace. 6658b1c9e6795 o xlarge
 
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I

idelttoilfsadness21

I need a moment right now
Jan 6, 2025
645
I was fat and too scared and I didn't have enough materials to gather in time and was vomitting because I ate that day when I shouldn't have for my last meal some acidic pineapple. also, melontonin in the past. Wasn't the best but thought it was smart then... Honestly, maybe the method just wasn't the right one for me... ;-; Oh, and lack of money and lack of resources and a car to slam myself to a bridge and not survive or to a wall, gun to kms and ctb, and too much stress and worrying everyday... and yeah, just need to know what properly works I guess
 
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StarCaller'sStaff

StarCaller'sStaff

Member
Dec 5, 2024
30
The coast guard, police and ambulance arrived. I broke my spine, lumbar vertebrae, ribs and pelvis. I spent two days in the hospital undergoing procedures that saved my life and then a week in a psychiatric hospital. For the next few months I couldn't walk and had to wear a brace.View attachment 157976
I'm so sorry that your attempt did not go the way you planned, but at the same time I am very grateful that you survived. The location you chose is beautiful. I wish you the best
 
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D

diy-event

Student
Nov 16, 2024
139
im curious to know what people did or would do on their final day.

my first and only attempt was in sixth grade i took a shit load of migraine pills throughout the school day it was literally falling out my pocket i just had hoped to go to sleep forever. it was more so impulsive i didn't think it through make a note or anything compared to now. id probably linger longer with loved ones when talking to them and leave a note in their drawer. that day would probably feel so surreal (only 2 weeks from now) where i'm just hyper focusing on the world before i cease to exist. honestly i feel like i'd listen to music as i ctb. gotta take it with me haha
I just lay in bed getting up the nerve to hang myself. I moved from my bed to the noose in less than 5 minutes and I was hanging. If the anchor did give way I wouldn't be here
 
BriocheAlien

BriocheAlien

Member
Mar 28, 2024
18
Failed overdose. Thought i was doing better mentally but now I'm back here on this forum.
 
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C

cooki3

Member
Jan 12, 2025
22
Last attempt was impulsive and was intervened so I couldn't carry it out. But it was just a normal day but I hit a breaking point. But for my true ctb I know what I will do though. Don't judge me. I'm going to either spend one or two days doing this so I can ctb at sunset. I have to drive a few hours so that's why I'm not sure. But Go to my favorite fast food places and eat what my heart desires and not hate myself for enjoying it. Get a yummy drink from Starbucks or Dutch bros. Go up to my location. It's the first few that ever made me understand truly what breathtaking was. Prep my car, get drunk, do the deed as the sun sets. (By prepping my car I mean I intend to cover the windows and just put a small note that says call 911 so that way some poor person likely on vacation won't have to see my body)
 
TheHolySword

TheHolySword

empty heart
Nov 22, 2024
823
My previous attempts were rushed and not planned. The days were just like any other. I woke up, I existed, I attempted, and I failed. Nothing was different, I didn't make it special. My last day won't be much different except I have a plan and a real method now.
 
rllysuper

rllysuper

ready to go
Jan 7, 2025
32
it was a school day so that took up most of my day. then i think i bought a bunch of junk food, listened to music, and tried to OD on a couple boxes worth of benadryl. i have no idea why i thought it would do anything. the next day i went to school feeling like dogshit and threw up on the way to the restroom. they sent me home and i convinced my parents that it was food poisoning.
my second attempt wasn't much different.
 
hybridtheory

hybridtheory

the catalyst
Jun 22, 2019
473
I woke up early, my boyfriend at the time went to work, I put a movie on. I drank an entire bottle of vodka, did a full gram of coke, typed up my note, and tried to partial hang on my bathroom door. The cops ended up kicking it in and interrupted the process, so I failed dismally. And off to the psych ward I went.

That was my last attempt which was about 5 years ago and I was at my lowest. Now here I am, gradually getting to that point again. I kinda envy the person I was back then because she had guts. I'm hoping I can get back to that state of mind.
 
B

bananaolympus

Student
Dec 12, 2024
135
Couldn't sleep my brain just went blank and said lets just end it felt like i was possessed
 
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danny10

danny10

Banned
Jan 8, 2025
264
I actually feel like a very shitty human being for my CTB date, I would normally not tell this to anyone, but I want to be honest with this forum: it was the day when my daughter was born. I was suffering and in a really bad mental state leading up to my daughter being born. I actually chose that day as I knew nobody would be in the house, given that my wife was in the hospital. So I was in the hospital with my wife, watching as my daughter was being born. Then I went home alone and I hanged myself. I stepped off from the chair but did not kick the chair away. I hanged for a few seconds, then I realized that it's a very shameful date to choose for my death and I stepped back on the chair. I still feel horrible for trying to CTB on the day my daughter was born but I wasn't myself and I was in a psychotic state.
 
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kingfool316

kingfool316

Meaninglesslife
Sep 13, 2024
88
Me, when i tried suffocating myself with toxic vapor from industrial cleaners, i had to make myself look normal. It took hours for the pain to go away, my eyes were red the whole day i had to hide in my room so nobody would notice. My head felt like i was punched by mike tyson in his prime. I did all i could to hide any evidence of my attempt. Luckily i'm good at lying and hiding nobody knew what i did
 
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Hojag

Hojag

But only for you.
Jan 11, 2025
69
Well, I have a good amount of suicide letters in my drawer, but everytime the attempt is triggered by a fight or something of impulsive nature, I leave a note under my sketchbook.

I recall what happened after some of them. The one I used the bag method was a whole disaster. I couldn't get drunken and had no handcuffs, so my SI eventually made me rip the bag and I spent the rest of the day having migraines. The other, where I was going through partial suspension (and it would have worked), was interrupted by my girlfriend and mother. My girlfriend noticed I was saying "thank you", "I love you" and such things in a farewell tone. My sight was blurring and I felt a strange peace, but was found before dying.

The rest is a blur or similar, like when I tried the bag method again, but added pills and, this time, I drank. Had headaches for 3 days and my stomach was fucked by the alchohol.

Night-night failures were also painful, but I can't remember more than headaches and waking up as "HOW????"

But that's it. I usually export my files and send them to loved ones, talk to everyone I can and leave these letters ready + my sketchbook's "hidden" pages.
 
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mortalityisbadass

mortalityisbadass

Two setbacks away from my worst self
Nov 18, 2023
35
im curious to know what people did or would do on their final day.

my first and only attempt was in sixth grade i took a shit load of migraine pills throughout the school day it was literally falling out my pocket i just had hoped to go to sleep forever. it was more so impulsive i didn't think it through make a note or anything compared to now. id probably linger longer with loved ones when talking to them and leave a note in their drawer. that day would probably feel so surreal (only 2 weeks from now) where i'm just hyper focusing on the world before i cease to exist. honestly i feel like i'd listen to music as i ctb. gotta take it with me haha
Took a bunch of pills one time and played Minecraft with my best friend while I was waiting for it to kick in. I wanted one last good memory before I left. I fell asleep during the game at some point. I was probably saying some dumb shit before I passed out because he came over to my house to check on me. I don't remember why I tried to OD, probably woke up that morning and thought it should be my last day.
 
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femcelloser

femcelloser

Transgender thing
Jan 18, 2025
68
When I was like 12, I swallowed a bunch of my mom's Xanax and thought it was gonna kill me. I woke up the next day with a gnarly stomach ache and just went to school the next day. I don't know kids understand how traumatic certain events are haha
 
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F

Forveleth

I knew I forgot to do something when I was 15...
Mar 26, 2024
1,308
It was a normal day except for my attempt. Woke up, did some bullshit, tried to hang myself, failed, shouted obscenities at my stupid rope (not my rope's fault at all), went back to bullshit.
 
billie

billie

dead inside
Mar 31, 2024
555
the only thing i can remember is that i wrote the letter that day, i drove to my therapist, put the letter in the mailbox, drove home and then had my ctb attempt
 
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S

selfsabotagequeen

Member
Nov 2, 2024
15
tried to jump off a bridge about 2 minutes away from my house, had a note zipped tightly in a waterproof pocket. i was 14 and it was 10pm. my neighbour came out and saw me and definitely knew but said nothing about that specifically, asking if i was okay, and very gently told me his home was always open to me and his two daughters would love to play with me. made sure i got back in my house and i think i called a crisis helpline later on. the day, idk it was probs spent in bed.
 
happynuclearwinter

happynuclearwinter

Hand me my shovel, I'm going in
Oct 10, 2023
22
I was 18. Drank a cleaning liquid (harpic) at 3AM, threw up blood and liquids, throat and stomach hurts and had migraines for the rest of the day, I think I didn't drank it enough to be lethal but the attempt was sudden, so.
 

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