Is it an “if” or more a “when” you CTB

[ctb-soon]

Do you usually think in terms "when" I CTB in the sense it will happen.

Or do you think in a more tentative way as "if" i CTB

Ever since my first attempt as a teenager it has always been "when." And my feelings are focused on how soon that moment will come.

 

[Shaylla1998]

I always think about 'when' I CTB, not 'if'. I made this decision when I was 16, and nothing has changed since then. I view the moment when I CTB, which I anticipate will be sometime in my mid to late 20s at the latest, as inevitable.
I see no realistic scenario that could alter my perspective from 'when' to 'if'.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

To me suicide was always and will always be an option I would consider in certain life circumstances. Whether I find the strength to do it then or not is another qustion, but I think it's only a question of when it will finally happen here.

 

[Pluto]

Extreme old age is highly undesirable. At some point it becomes impossible to walk, go to the toilet by oneself, perform basic tasks or even think clearly. Nobody should aspire to dying of old age. It's one of the biggest reasons why humane end-of-life options need to be accessible.

 

[020x]

Extreme old age is highly undesirable. At some point it becomes impossible to walk, go to the toilet by oneself, perform basic tasks or even think clearly. Nobody should aspire to dying of old age. It's one of the biggest reasons why humane end-of-life options need to be accessible.

I feel so bad looking at elderly people. You can see how scared, lost and sad they look if you look in their eyes. In this sadistic world, we will never get the choice to end our life legally.

 

[spøgelse]

its alwayus a when because i have no viable options to do it
i think even if i make it past now max ill make it to is forty seven
whether by my own hand or someone elses

 

[ctb-soon]

I always think about 'when' I CTB, not 'if'. I made this decision when I was 16, and nothing has changed since then. I view the moment when I CTB, which I anticipate will be sometime in my mid to late 20s at the latest, as inevitable.
I see no realistic scenario that could alter my perspective from 'when' to 'if'.

I am like you. It's always been a when.

I don't ever set a date because the urge to do it comes in waves. I am expecting a wave will just take me. I expect the moment will be when the wave says "now". And I will CTB less an hour later. No planning just doing

 

[carac]

Depends, at the moment I don't have any plans to cbt any time soon and ideally would like to live to an oldish age and die suddenly or peacefully.

However I am well aware things could change, I want my own agency I want to be able to decide for myself if things become to unbearable or my body becomes to frail to support myself, I would like the oppurtunity to cbt.

 

[DeadPool360]

for me its always an if
cause I know yeah its too much for me to handle too much emotions suppressed and too much thing I wish for but will never get I keep forgetting a lot of my good memories like my actual childhood got snapped just gone maybe because that's what is hurting me the most but its bearable I can survive I think just wish it gets better cause sometimes I have good days with good people its just that now they are a bit busy

 

[yaldabaoth]

statistically, when. it's something I've made peace with, it doesn't sadden me.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

its always been when for me. unless i die in a freak accident or something, the only way i see me dying is by ctb. i cant stand the idea of waiting so fucking long just to die of old age.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I've never wished to endure something so pointless and dreadful as existence and I see non-existence as being the only relief but sadly I have no plans to leave in the near future so I don't really see it as being when at the moment.

The problem is that we exist in a world where suicide is purposely made so difficult and where there are so many risks and complications involved in trying to die, it should be much easier for suffering people to escape from everything.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

It's an if. It used to be a when but now it's an if.

 

[NoReasonToLive2023]

It's an if, waiting on a certain decision to be made by people who think it's ok to take weeks, they need to be told to hurry the fuck up quite frankly.

Only when that decision has been made will I know if I'm going to CTB.

 

[Hollowman]

Hopefully it's when but life's to unpredictable to be certain. I could get in a car wreck, end up paralyzed from the neck down and be trapped.

 

[flyaway]

For me it's certainly when. The question is only if I'll wait before both my parents pass away or I'll do it while they are still alive.

 

[William01]

Do you usually think in terms "when" I CTB in the sense it will happen.

Or do you think in a more tentative way as "if" i CTB

Ever since my first attempt as a teenager it has always been "when." And my feelings are focused on how soon that moment will come.

What an interesting title! I feel its more like a when. My life is shit. I have a lot of issues but have always tried to get on with life. I'll be 37 next month - 37 years of failure on this planet. I believe I should have dies a long time ago. No one likes me. Can't relate to the world and people. Times I've took overdoses, walked out in moving traffic... thus SI inside is a right bitch! I'm trying ti beat ut and get Mt head around it. Someone who recently seemed to have caught the bus stated he kept telling himself we will die anyway... I've had many times when I've tried to get back up with life again but always cruel knocked down again. I feel the older I'm getting the harder this shit is to deal with anymore. I have SN. Got it before IC closed. Had welfare visit from police. Hated them being anywhere near me. Thankfully they believed me when I told them i disposed of it. Have been concentrate on my regime and where to do it. Was thinking of doing it by my mother's grave but I don't know. I just hope I can tame this SI and get it over and done with

 

[Ligottian]

For me, most definitely a "when".

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

Always and forever 'when'

 

[Techef]

When. Unexpectedly got SN today, will need to test purity and wait for AE to arrive. I received a slow death sentence back in late 2019 but kept on living because my suicidal sibling begged me to (I guess they're what people here would call pro-life, and the last time we had a serious conversation about my situation they were in recovery - finally stable work, friends, support network). Exhausted all physical/mental energy, time, money, effort, whatever's left of my sanity at first trying to find solutions to unsolvable problems, then just surviving through excruciating pain waiting for my sibling's life to stabilize (which it never quite did because every time it looked like things were stabilizing, they'd suffer a setback). I'll die before the year is over even if I do nothing and let nature take its course, but I've long since gone past my limit, and I'd rather not wait for the ugliness and even worse suffering that'll come if I just wait for nature to do its job. I'm worried about my sibling, but there's nothing I can do about what actions they might take after I've passed.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

It has to be "when". Living a life full of dysphoria, inferiority and envy just isn't optimal.

 

[synthcadia]

Do you usually think in terms "when" I CTB in the sense it will happen.

Or do you think in a more tentative way as "if" i CTB

Ever since my first attempt as a teenager it has always been "when." And my feelings are focused on how soon that moment will come.

for me i think of "if". if i think in "when," i don't really do anything. too scared to. then i have a memory gap and i feel like a new slate.

 

[saddestbunny]

when and I hope soon

 

[Fe(IV)]

If.

I really like this question too, and I feel like it separates well the two kinds of people that frequent SS.
I sometimes can be optimistic here on good days and vent on bad days. I also like socializing on forums. I'm an IF.
Other people can be much more pessimistic, with explicit goals of procuring sources and methods to CTB. They're closer to WHEN.

Maybe I can't empathize with everyone, but you all have my sympathy. And I enjoy it here.
Hugs to all, and luck in finding the peace you're looking for

 

[MusicGuy]

I see it as a "when (probably)" more than a "if", my situation could change, but it will most likely happen sooner or later

 

[rustinpeacepolaris]

definitely a "when". it's almost always been a "when"

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

it's definitely when and not if. Even if everything gets better, even if my mind is healed, I find it very difficult not to go on CTB.
I feel like I've crossed the line.

 

[StarFaded]

It's 100% a "when" for me. I've never thought of myself as living to old age and somehow innately know that I will be the one controlling my own exit from this world.

 

[suicidaleeyore]

It's absolutely a when. I've known for a long time I'll die by my own hands