Is having friends even worth it?

[Malaria]

I often feel like I don't fit in with the rest of the world, and that no one wants me. It's difficult for me to connect to others, even people I have a lot in common with. But I also have a history of getting into cycles of toxic friendships because of my difficulty with seeing red flags, plus the difficulty with cutting people off because I have a fear of abandonment/rejection/interpersonal conflict. I have been abused and taken advantage of by friends so many times, I've lost count.

So I have to ask, is having friends even worth it? If I can't know who is and isn't going to be toxic, is it worth putting myself out there and making friends? Or even if they're not toxic and we just drift apart because we change, then what's the point in being friends anyway? Basically, what's the point in having friends if the friendship is probably going to end anyway, which to me, just results in unnecessary suffering/heartbreak?

I'd love to know your thoughts on this.

 

[DarkRange55]

I think GOOD friendship can be a blessing. I've ran into my fair share of psychos over the years. I think the ratio of assholes to cool people is pretty consistent (I've lived in different states and countries and traveled to over 50-60 countries). I think high-quality people can be hard to find sometimes but they are an invaluable asset. Thats just my experience. I don't know your situation but I am eternally grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life. REAL friends don't judge you and lie to you. They help you and support you. But most people are not authentic, people are just generally full of shit. Also misery loves company so be careful and keep that in mind.

 

[YoungJijii]

We can be friends if you want. I'll share my discord in dm's if interested. That goes for anyone here who sees this.

 

[Agon321]

Every person needs contact with another person. This is needed to be mentally healthy. I like solitude, but I still need contact with others. That's one of the reasons why I'm writing here. You need it just as much. If you meet the right people, friends can be a huge asset in life. There's always someone out there you can get along with, but I admit it can be hard to find them sometimes.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

For me personally yes. The few people who I call friend are the ones who love me and accept me with all my flaws and weirdness.

You will never know beforehand if a friendship turns toxic, sour or will end because you both go another way .

But if you don't take that chance and befriend someone I think you'll be missing out of something that really can make a difference in your life

 

[WhatPowerIs]

All of my real life friends have ended up hurting me in some way shape or form.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

All friendships come to an end eventually. If you really want friends, then not trying to find any is probably not going to make you feel better. As with every person, it's always a gamble if they turn out to be much worse than they at first seemed.

 

[SevenDayWeekend]

I don't have any, so for me no. Any friends I've had from various stages in my life - schools, jobs, etc all lost contact with me after our respective bonding situations ended. So school ended, didn't see anyone after that, I left a job and didn't see colleagues any more. Everyone gets bored of me. I don't make the effort to keep contact with people because I'm always afraid of rejection, so I think they get tired of being the one to make the effort and call or arrange something so eventually they just stop. I assume, they think that I also do not care about keeping up contact so it's easy for them to also cut me out. So be it - I was always sick of keeping up the pretense any way. No one ever knew or cared to find out what was really going on with me, as long as you keep up the facade everyone else is fine, it's when you tell them what's really going on that they recoil. People don't really care, they only care as long as they have to - if nothing is keeping you in regular contact with someone, then it's easy for them to drop you.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

It's impossible to say that friendships are worth it if, first of all, I don't know how to value them.
For me, friendships lose importance to me every day, but I think this is because of my personality.

Two things usually happen to me with friendships.

The first is that I always say I don't want friends and that I don't need them, but suddenly I feel the need to socialize.
Once I talk to someone, I automatically abandon them because that need to socialize, or rather to talk a bit, is already satisfied, and therefore, I don't see the need to continue socializing because it seems boring to me.
It's a cycle that repeats itself over and over again, and it's probably because I have ADHD.

The second is that when I want to have a real friendship, I'm always extremely selective. I always make sure that the person has a lot of things in common with me, which makes it more difficult for me to have friendships because where I live, it's almost impossible to find people who fit my preferences. Whenever I try to socialize with people who don't have things in common with me, it's too irritating for me to see that those people are not able to understand me or that I simply can't understand them.
I'm supposed to stop being selective, but my mind is already conditioned to look for things that seem "pleasant" to me.

It seems that in the end I have become someone who only seeks to satisfy their own interests instead of valuing others...

 

[sserafim]

I liked being friends with my crush but then he ghosted me

 

[Malaria]

It's impossible to say that friendships are worth it if, first of all, I don't know how to value them.
For me, friendships lose importance to me every day, but I think this is because of my personality.

Two things usually happen to me with friendships.

The first is that I always say I don't want friends and that I don't need them, but suddenly I feel the need to socialize.
Once I talk to someone, I automatically abandon them because that need to socialize, or rather to talk a bit, is already satisfied, and therefore, I don't see the need to continue socializing because it seems boring to me.
It's a cycle that repeats itself over and over again, and it's probably because I have ADHD.

The second is that when I want to have a real friendship, I'm always extremely selective. I always make sure that the person has a lot of things in common with me, which makes it more difficult for me to have friendships because where I live, it's almost impossible to find people who fit my preferences. Whenever I try to socialize with people who don't have things in common with me, it's too irritating for me to see that those people are not able to understand me or that I simply can't understand them.
I'm supposed to stop being selective, but my mind is already conditioned to look for things that seem "pleasant" to me.

It seems that in the end I have become someone who only seeks to satisfy their own interests instead of valuing others...

Oh wow I relate to this a lot. I know this feeling all too well.

 

[DarkRange55]

Time tells the truth. If you wanna know who your true friends are, be patient. Keep them as acquaintances for a little while. When everyone else is rushing into instant friendships, you keep them as acquaintances. You can be open, you can be vulnerable. Because time will tell you if you should go and do a deeper relationship with them. Whether it's dating, business partner, whatever.

 

[wiinterfrost]

honestly, i can really relate.
used, abused, very unable to see red flags / being gullible.
idk if it's worth it honestly. i spent so much time alone the past year, going months without even talking to another human being. it probably would've gone on that way if i hadn't become homeless (forcing one to interact with people whose couches one is sleeping on etc)

i prefer being alone, even if i still yearn for human contact often. it's just safer.
although now i am in a special situation where i kind of have friends. kind of. it's nice, it's beautiful.
but honestly i'll take the assurance of not being destroyed the way i was ever again over having human connections. those (the connections) are fickle to me anyways and i often misunderstand the way of being a human.