Is ctb easier if you mostly live a normal life?

[Ambivalent1]

I suspect that's the case. If you're out every day doing stuff and you come to the conclusion that life is not worth living, then there's nowhere higher to climb to since you're already there.

I've been living the reclusive life for years and don't feel comfortable dying until I've tried to live normally like before. If I fail, then I'll know it's time to ctb. And for some reason, my SI is lower outside than when I'm at home.

 

[iloverachel]

I suspect that's the case. If you're out every day doing stuff and you come to the conclusion that life is not worth living, then there's nowhere higher to climb to since you're already there.

I've been living the reclusive life for years and don't feel comfortable dying until I've tried to live normally like before. If I fail, then I'll know it's time to ctb. And for some reason, my SI is lower outside than when I'm at home.

I have tried "normal living" in the past, going out with friends, socializing, working full time, I still felt life was pointless, boring and wanted to die.

Now I am more reclusive, living the depressed life and I would say I am equally as depressed and want to die just as much as before

Makes no difference to me

 

[Ambivalent1]

I have tried "normal living" in the past, going out with friends, socializing, working full time, I still felt life was pointless, boring and wanted to die.

Now I am more reclusive, living the depressed life and I would say I am equally as depressed and want to die just as much as before

Makes no difference to me

It's not about being happy. It's about realizing you reached all that life can allow a person. To be dissatisfied with that is proof I think that life is not worth it. To be a recluse feels like hiding away from life.

 

[iloverachel]

It's not about being happy. It's about realizing you reached all that life can allow a person. To be dissatisfied with that is proof I think that life is not worth it. To be a recluse feels like hiding away from life.

Yeah I get what you mean. I was highly dissatisfied when I lived what many would consider a normal life. I went out, socialized, took up hobbies, at the end of the day I still thought to myself, is this all there is to life?

I guess people without serious depression can cope with it better. They may be content with it

 

[karmaisabitch]

I think I lived my normal life. I'm not under any circumstances want to live anymore. I think normal it depends on what's normal life to you

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Could be... I'm not sure. I always thought that the opposite were to be true and that ctb would be harder for those who have lived a normal life as they know what it's like to be a human... they know what the good moments are like and hence the idea of permanently losing all chances to get a happy moment again. Whereas those who haven't lived a normal life and don't know what the good moments are like can probably justify their decision to ctb easier as they wouldn't have happy memories or hobbies/interests from holding them back

 

[Ambivalent1]

Could be... I'm not sure. I always thought that the opposite were to be true and that ctb would be harder for those who have lived a normal life as they know what it's like to be a human... they know what the good moments are like and hence the idea of permanently losing all chances to get a happy moment again. Whereas those who haven't lived a normal life and don't know what the good moments are like can probably justify their decision to ctb easier as they wouldn't have happy memories or hobbies/interests from holding them back

That applies to me. I Iived normally years ago and was happy but it's been a long time. Maybe I need to see if I can have it again. I don't think so though.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

That applies to me. I Iived normally years ago and was happy but it's been a long time. Maybe I need to see if I can have it again. I don't think so though.

I wish I could relate but I can't sadly

 

[4am]

wdym by normal life exactly?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What's a normal life? According to my definition of "normal life" I wouldn't be suicidal at all. Pretty hard to commit suicide if life is normal. But there could always be other factors that drive people to CTB even though they seemingly have a normal life.

 

[UKscotty]

Maybe easier in the sense that we could just buy pretty much any method easily. If people are broke then lots of methods are not available.

I still think people could get things unless their credit rating was completely screwed though.

 

[Ambivalent1]

wdym by normal life exactly?

Job or school. Friends and relationships. Going out to places

What's a normal life? According to my definition of "normal life" I wouldn't be suicidal at all. Pretty hard to commit suicide if life is normal. But there could always be other factors that drive people to CTB even though they seemingly have a normal life.

Job or school..friends and relationships..going out to places

 

[Ociv]

I'd say I live a very normal life, even a good one I'd dare to say. I have A good job for my age, a nice house I rent with my best friend and my brother, really nice parents, plenty of friends that I like, fun hobbies. All this, and I still find the miseries of everyday existence enough to push thoughts of suicide to the front of my mind pretty much 24/7. All this and it still doesn't feel worth it.

I feel like this gives me a good vantage point to see whether I truly want to live or not. there is not far to go upward from here for someone like me, so I can say with a good level of confidence that I would be equally unhappy as a depressed recluse as I would as a millionaire celebrity.

Does that answer your question?

 

[Ambivalent1]

I'd say I live a very normal life, even a good one I'd dare to say. I have A good job for my age, a nice house I rent with my best friend and my brother, really nice parents, plenty of friends that I like, fun hobbies. All this, and I still find the miseries of everyday existence enough to push thoughts of suicide to the front of my mind pretty much 24/7. All this and it still doesn't feel worth it.

I feel like this gives me a good vantage point to see whether I truly want to live or not. there is not far to go upward from here for someone like me, so I can say with a good level of confidence that I would be equally unhappy as a depressed recluse as I would as a millionaire celebrity.

Does that answer your question?

So would your problem be an actual chemical imbalance? Things should be good for you but aren't. Seems to imply that something needs adjustment.

 

[Ociv]

So would your problem be an actual chemical imbalance? Things should be good for you but aren't. Seems to imply that something needs adjustment.

I don't know actually. that could be the case, but I feel that I have a pretty logical reason for wanting to ctb, leading me to believe its not something so irrational like a chemically induced depression. When I think about suicide, I am not panicking, I am simply weighing the pros and cons of continuing to live.

 

[Unknown21]

If you live a normal life, I think it would be more difficult to commit suicide.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Job or school..friends and relationships..going out to places

In my case I'd have all that just I cannot participate in it bc of lack of money. My life may still be considered pretty much "normal" for others but for me it's not, I'm used to a different life.

I don't know actually. that could be the case, but I feel that I have a pretty logical reason for wanting to ctb, leading me to believe its not something so irrational like a chemically induced depression. When I think about suicide, I am not panicking, I am simply weighing the pros and cons of continuing to live.

I find this so interesting bc many people here just don't want to live although they have a "pretty good life" and are seemingly not severely depressed or in physical pain. Since when do you think that living isn't for you? What may have triggered this way of thinking?

 

[Ociv]

I find this so interesting bc many people here just don't want to live although they have a "pretty good life" and are seemingly not severely depressed or in physical pain. Since when do you think that living isn't for you? What may have triggered this way of thinking?

I have had occasional ideas of suicide since 2020, but they were rare and they scared me. I didnt really get comfortable with the idea until probably about a year ago. I hadn't really thought too deeply about it, I only felt that I wanted to die. It wasnt until I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago (she cheated) when I really started thinking hard about it. I sortof had an epiphany about the value of my life in general. I realized that small miseries like these were not uncommon. My life had been full of them, I just hadnt really given it much thought. I realized that choosing to die didnt have to just be some heat-of-the moment emotional reaction, It could be a ligitimate path forward, brought on by reasoning instead of pain. even now its hard to pin down what exactly caused this switch in my head, as its relitively recent, but I do think that breakup was the straw that broke the camels back in that regard.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I have had occasional ideas of suicide since 2020, but they were rare and they scared me. I didnt really get comfortable with the idea until probably about a year ago. I hadn't really thought too deeply about it, I only felt that I wanted to die. It wasnt until I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago (she cheated) when I really started thinking hard about it. I sortof had an epiphany about the value of my life in general. I realized that small miseries like these were not uncommon. My life had been full of them, I just hadnt really given it much thought. I realized that choosing to die didnt have to just be some heat-of-the moment emotional reaction, It could be a ligitimate path forward, brought on by reasoning instead of pain. even now its hard to pin down what exactly caused this switch in my head, as its relitively recent, but I do think that breakup was the straw that broke the camels back in that regard.

2020 - probably covid and the lock downs and all that triggered sth? Love related stuff, relationships and breakups and such can cause suicidal thoughts and they can have a large impact on our lives as a trigger.

Perhaps that's the "imbalance" - the many small things (miseries) that sum up over time as external factors (sometimes uncontrollable). There're always ups and downs in normal lives but when the downs outweigh the ups there's an imbalance that can cause us headaches and we get negative feelings. That's what I think and I feel very similar.

My life changed rapidly a few years ago bc of a big failure in life. The logic consequence was and still is CTB. I have a plan since then but I really activated it only last year after all hope for a real recovery was lost (still no hope though).

 

[Ociv]

2020 - probably covid and the lock downs and all that triggered sth?

Actually, The covid lockdowns didnt really effect me that much. I never was super social anyways so Hanging out with my friends was the same as always. I feel like I live in a pretty conservative area anyways, so lots of places straight up ignored lockdowns and CDC regulations. I still had my normal job, and I kept going to school (i just graduated HS that spring when covid started.) I had feelings of depression for a few years before all that, and I think the natural progression of those feelings just coincidentally lined up with covid. I think if I had to point to one thing that was making me feel worse at that time, it was lonliness. my two best friends both had GFs and I never had one, so they made me get tinder, which didnt really work out. maybe it was love related, just like you said.

My life changed rapidly a few years ago bc of a big failure in life. The logic consequence was and still is CTB. I have a plan since then but I really activated it only last year after all hope for a real recovery was lost (still no hope though).

May I hear what your plan is?

 

[Red Moon]

I tried to live the normal life but I'm unable to do it and now I want to ctb. Back when I was in school I still wanted to kill myself.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

May I hear what your plan is?

Honestly, I have no plan. Either I win the lottery or there's nothing else to do for me but to rot at home. I assume I'm at least double your age and failing in life in 40's is a death sentence anyway. I don't have any relevant skills and becoming a min-wage-slave is not an option - I won't get the life I wanna live as a wage-slave. Yet it's still difficult to pull the trigger to CTB.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Honestly, I have no plan. Either I win the lottery or there's nothing else to do for me but to rot at home. I assume I'm at least double your age and failing in life in 40's is a death sentence anyway. I don't have any relevant skills and becoming a min-wage-slave is not an option - I won't get the life I wanna live as a wage-slave. Yet it's still difficult to pull the trigger to CTB.

You don't stay a wage slave. You move up to middle management

 

[Ociv]

Honestly, I have no plan. Either I win the lottery or there's nothing else to do for me but to rot at home. I assume I'm at least double your age and failing in life in 40's is a death sentence anyway. I don't have any relevant skills and becoming a min-wage-slave is not an option - I won't get the life I wanna live as a wage-slave. Yet it's still difficult to pull the trigger to CTB.

you have no plan? you said " I have a plan since then but I really activated it only last year after all hope for a real recovery was lost". has that idea just not worked out?

 

[Ambivalent1]

you have no plan? you said " I have a plan since then but I really activated it only last year after all hope for a real recovery was lost". has that idea just not worked out?

You spotted the contradiction
@Ociv yes, sadly the chatgpt user you've been talking to made an oopsie. I hear this site is full of AI users

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You don't stay a wage slave. You move up to middle management

Well yes if I started with an education / as an untrained min-wage-slave from scratch I'd be there in maybe 10-15 years minimum .... but then it's really time to retire - but certainly not possible. I would still need t work another 20+ years to be where people r in my age then. I'd always be the failed grandpa ... no thanks. Either I can get myself out as self employed person / business owner or not at all.

you have no plan? you said " I have a plan since then but I really activated it only last year after all hope for a real recovery was lost". has that idea just not worked out?

OH LOL that's my CTB plan. It's CO with charcoal (alternative if I was able to acquire the needed meds I'd prefer drug OD). But there is no plan how to get out of the hole - (Unfortunately) I'd still prefer to live although I don't want to live the life I'm forced to live atm.

You spotted the contradiction
@Ociv yes, sadly the chatgpt user you've been talking to made an oopsie. I hear this site is full of AI users

This made me laugh!!