Discussion Is CTB a fantasy or an eventual reality for you ; 0 is a fantasy 10 is how you will end your life

[StillBreathing]

9, I live quite recklessly sometimes. I may die from that.

 

[downndone2]

7-8

 

[Glandular]

9, I guess. Since I still have hope that my disease can be cured while I'm not in excruating pain already. Probably a false hope ...

 

[junko]

9. I found happiness once. It's incredibly unlikely I'll find it again, though. But the odds are there. I've been depressed my entire teen and adult life save for a year or two, so it's more likely that I'll get off my ass and CTB one day

 

[FuneralCry]

Nobody can say exactly how they will die as after all life is so unpredictable and uncertain, we cannot guarantee what will be the eventual reality for us. People die everyday in circumstances that are out of their control, it's just the way that things are in this chaotic world.

But sadly at the moment suicide feels like a fantasy. Being able to free myself from the burden that is existence feels like something that is of course too good to be true, it's truly a punishment how we were forced here so unfairly yet denied a straightforward way to finally leave all the suffering behind.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

I'd say 9.
I can't really be entirely sure how the future will turn out; there's always that one in a billion shot things will improve and your life will be worth living again, right? At least I tell myself that..
It's such a sad reality of existence that random events can come out of nowhere and completely destroy your life, but there's not analogue for the opposite happening. No one has ever woken up and something random makes them love being alive all of a sudden. Existence just seems fundamentally unbalanced.
But I still like to tell myself it's possible for some reason... Maybe I'm just in pathological denial or something.
Ever since I was little I thought my life would end in suicide, I never expected to live to 20, and I definitely tried to die when I was a teenager, I just was naiive and young so my method wasn't successful.
Now though I feel like I'm just a ghost, just hovering around until some crisis pushes me over the edge and some random "hero" doesn't fuck it all up again.
I feel more comfortable with CTB over time though, and the rate of my fear and guilt going down is increasing, with my rate of increasing suffering increasing itself; I think I will probably not live for too much longer.
But again I don't know the future.

 

[freakaccident]

8 maybe?? i'm fairly certain it's the way for me, i can't imagine leaving any other way

 

[empty]

Maybe 3. In the past, the number would have been much higher. But now I have more hope for the future and am just overall enjoying life more than I used to. I'd like to eventually get married and have a family, and if those things happen it's pretty unlikely that I'd kill myself.

 

[Lamentice]

9, there's just always a feeling of uncertainty for me. I've failed a lot of attempts... a lot of them.

 

[y'ffre]

7

 

[RainyPrimadonna]

like an 8 for me, I don't have easy access to N or SN (preferred methods), so for now it's just a fantasy, when I eventually get the things I need for a peaceful death, I'll attempt or back out, if I back out at the least I'll have the methods needed and will feel more secure with them.

 

[redbathingduck]

8-9 for me I think. I have a tiny little bit of hope left sometimes but even if everything happens to go well I feel like I'll still choose to ctb eventually, probably sooner than later. Just don't really like living as a whole anymore even if things weren't as bad as they are currently.

 

[SatouR]

8-9 atm will probably CTB but not sure when I'll do it
coping through self-harm

 

[LONE WOLF.]

8, l have the means to go whenever I choose but for some unknown damn reason l keep clinging onto 'Hope' ???

 

[Mimi_]

10, I should be able to leave this hell in few weks :p