I'm not even sure that I do have mental illness. I'd possibly be re-diagnosed with mild-moderate depression if I went through the procedure again. Very little has changed with me. There are certainly issues I feel I do have, that haven't been diagnosed- social anxiety, a propensity for limerence and borderline eating disorders.
I suppose I'm high functioning. I hold down a job, live alone, care for myself more or less. I also live in a really awful environment because I'll just let the mess build and build. I reckon a 'professional' visiting my living environment would say I was struggling mentally. No 'normal' person would live like this with so little respect for themself I imagine. In terms of myself, asides from an obvious lack of confidence, I'm not sure people would twig much else though.
I suppose I see things from the other side really. I've always been expected to work and support myself. People know I struggle but there really hasn't been that much dispensation. I've just been expected to overcome. Sometimes I wonder if that's because I truly do have some ability that enables me to. Other times, I wonder if it's more because I simply didn't have care givers that let me give excuses. My Dad doesn't have much time for 'mental illness' or therapy or meds. I was almost 30 when I first told someone 'professional' that I was struggling. Even though I've been struggling since I was 10. That said, maybe all that did me a favour. Some of the poor members here who were forced into therapy from childhood, don't seem better off for it.
I also struggle with the definitions. Is it truly that people can't do something? Or, is it that when they do it, they suffer terrible consequences? So- take social anxiety. I hated anything involving groups at work. Literally anything- meetings, courses, eating lunch even- I especially struggle eating around others. A party would be hell.
Now- I can physically do those things- obviously but, they will be a total torment and I'll suffer with memories of the event for years to come. It's so hard to grade though- at what point does a thing become so debilitatingly bad, that we agree that a person shouldn't be expected to do it? I've known relatively 'normal' people cry before work, at work and, when they got home. That's a pretty clear indicator that their present activity isn't good for their mental health. When is it classed as 'abnormal'? Surely- it's when the person themselves says- 'I can't cope.' Do we all have that choice? I don't know. Is it a choice though? I'm sure it is possible to just entirely break down. Again though- I think it's hard to judge. Is something uncomfortable or, utterly impossible?
As to which is 'better'- I imagine that depends on the person's quality of life and, the severity of their illness. Are they provided for comfortably? Does their illness give them any rest bite? As for someone 'high functioning' again- How badly are they struggling to keep going? Do they have any support? Does their more 'normie' life actually fulfil them or, do they just feel like a slave? I expect it's different for everyone.
To speak truthfully, I can find myself feeling envious of NEETS. Envious of people who's families paid attention and got them assistance. There again, I know it's terrible to envy someone truly suffering. I suspect they would envy me in fact. There's no way I'd want to be NEET if the condition was a whole lot of illness. I just think it's so hard to judge. None of us know what it's like to live in another person's shoes. Who's to say how badly or well we'd cope with another person's life.
I think the diagnosis process doesn't help either. I imagine most people would come out with a diagnosis of something or other if they saw their GP and described what they struggled with. I do often find myself wondering what makes some people high functioning and, some not. Is it truly that their illnesses are less severe?
The most ironic thing I find is, some people- like my Dad will largely dismiss mental illness. Especially as an excuse to get out of something. However, if I skate around topics like suicide or, life being awful- he'll then say I could be depressed. I just find it wryly funny that it's an 'excuse' that won't be accepted for some of us during life. But, if we die by suicide, you can predict people will be all over it being down to mental illness.
Please ask if it's confusing
is maybe things can change at some point in the future.
