Venting Is anyone out there feeling so bad right now?

[azucaramargo]

I feel so low. I've been off my meds for a few days, and I'm filled with regrets and disgust for myself and shame and hopelessness. Is anyone out there feeling the same way? I've made such a mess of my life, and I just wish I were dead, but it's not an option. Is anyone out there feeling so low right now?

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Right with you.on all bases except I've never had medication.

Here to talk if you want...

 

[LifeSick]

I feel so low. I've been off my meds for a few days, and I'm filled with regrets and disgust for myself and shame and hopelessness. Is anyone out there feeling the same way? I've made such a mess of my life, and I just wish I were dead, but it's not an option. Is anyone out there feeling so low right now?

I feel like I could've written that myself, except for the med part. But I'm so low I'm seriously considering starting on antidepressants next year. What meds where you on?

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Yeah, I feel more like shit than usual and finding it hard to breathe tonite.

 

[azucaramargo]

I feel like I could've written that myself, except for the med part. But I'm so low I'm seriously considering starting on antidepressants next year. What meds where you on?

Thank you for responding, LifeSick. I'm in my room sobbing, and my sisters are here for a short time, and they are younger than me, and more successful than I am, and I live with my parents, and they pay for my therapy and meds and insurance, and I'm not working now. And, I'm in debt, and I feel so terrible. I can't even be proud of my sisters because I'm so ashamed. I will never have the courage to CTB, unfortunately. But, I just wish I could die so badly. I feel like such a failure. And, I feel lonely. Here are the meds I take: Effexor, Lamictal, Adderall, Wellbutrin. I am prescribed clonipin as needed, but I really don't like it. I've been taking it for the past few days to try to numb myself out while being with my sisters, but now I just feel drunk. Thank you so much, LifeSick. I really appreciate your empathy, and your willingness to reach out. Thank you for letting me vent to you.

 

[azucaramargo]

Yeah, I feel more like shit than usual and find it hard to breathe tonite.

Panic attack? Is that why it's hard to breathe?

 

[azucaramargo]

Right with you.on all bases except I've never had medication.

Here to talk if you want...

Thank you NotWorthLiving. I don't know if it's the time of year, or what.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Panic attack? Is that why it's hard to breathe?

Worse than that. Tumours in the lungs. When I can't breathe I do panic and it makes it harder to breathe then. It's a vicious never-ending circle.

 

[azucaramargo]

Worse than that. Tumours in the lungs. When I can't breathe I do panic and it makes it harder to breathe then. It's a vicious never-ending circle.

Oh boy! I'm so sorry! Are you receiving treatment for your tumours?

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Oh boy! I'm so sorry! Are you receiving treatment for your tumours?

I did ages ago but it's incurable. Time to CTB soon and leave this hell.

 

[Nanako]

Yes. I thought I had calmed down and that I could wait untill the opportunity to ctb presented itself... But I'm feeling very anxious today, and usually that's a sign that it'll get much worse at night (God I hope not)

 

[LifeSick]

Thank you for responding, LifeSick. I'm in my room sobbing, and my sisters are here for a short time, and they are younger than me, and more successful than I am, and I live with my parents, and they pay for my therapy and meds and insurance, and I'm not working now. And, I'm in debt, and I feel so terrible. I can't even be proud of my sisters because I'm so ashamed. I will never have the courage to CTB, unfortunately. But, I just wish I could die so badly. I feel like such a failure. And, I feel lonely. Here are the meds I take: Effexor, Lamictal, Adderall, Wellbutrin. I am prescribed clonipin as needed, but I really don't like it. I've been taking it for the past few days to try to numb myself out while being with my sisters, but now I just feel drunk. Thank you so much, LifeSick. I really appreciate your empathy, and your willingness to reach out. Thank you for letting me vent to you.

I understand you feeling ashamed. I will be 23 in 2 days, I'm about to give up college for the third time and I've never worked a day in my life, except for a little busking and selling edibles. It's so easy to beat yourself up and feel worthless, I do this to myself everyday.for the past few weeks I've been crying at least once everyday. I'm not even scratching the surface of shit I have done to screw up I my life.
I don't know what you went through but no matter what you say to me I would probably say you shouldn't be ashamed. And I mean it, I'm not trying to be nice. On the other hand, I can't feel the same for myself, it's so natural for us to hate ourselves. I've seen a few of your posts here and you seem like a really nice person.
I think it's important to realize how our view of ourselves can be so warped sometimes. I know it's not easy but try to not be so hard on yourself. I'll try too.

 

[azucaramargo]

I understand you feeling ashamed. I will be 23 in 2 days, I'm about to give up college for the third time and I've never worked a day I my life, except for a little busking and seeling edibles. It's so easy to beat yourself up and feel worthless, I do this to myself everyday.for the past few weeks I've been crying at least once everyday. I'm not even scratching the surface of shit I have done to screw up I my life.
I don't know what you went through but no matter what you say to me I would probably say you shouldn't be ashamed. And I mean it, I'm not trying to be nice. On the other hand, I can't feel the same for myself, it's so natural for us to hate in ourselves. I've seen a few of your posts here and you seem like a really nice person.
I think it's important to realize how our view of ourselves can be so warped sometimes. I know it's not easy but try to not be so hard on yourself. I'll try too.

That's so sweet, LifeSick! I can't believe you're only 23! I'm almost twice your age, and you are so articulate, and kind to reach out to me. You're very sweet.

 

[azucaramargo]

I did ages ago but it's incurable. Time to CTB soon and leave this hell.

I'm so sorry, MsM3talGamer. YOu are not alone tonight.

 

[LifeSick]

That's so sweet, LifeSick! I can't believe you're only 23! I'm almost twice your age, and you are so articulate, and kind to reach out to me. You're very sweet.

Thank you. See, my first reaction was to deny your compliment and say "there's no way I'm articulate". I don't know how I can be so arrogant and insecure at the same time hahaha.

 

[Roadkill]

yes, I feel horrible.. I just want this nightmare to end. All I want to do is sleep and never wake up

 

[azucaramargo]

yes, I feel horrible.. I just want this nightmare to end. All I want to do is sleep and never wake up

Oh Roadkill, I hope you get some relief. I hate that we are all in pain. Please feel free to unburden yourself to me anytime. I care about you very much.

 

[azucaramargo]

Barely slept in weeks, eyeballs feel like bricks and my body is just fucked. Still better than my mental state though.

Oh my goodness, that sounds awful! What's been going on?

 

[Help_Me]

Yes, if you asking. 5 minutes ago i lock up in my bath room, took a few instruments and literally spent 30 minutes to find the pulsation of my femoral.. I was unable to localize that and was drenched in sorrow and tears. If only I could be sure I'd try to damage ok as much as possible. That's how I feel right now.... My will to die is strong and dangerously impulsive.

 

[Donewith_]

Yes..Me. FML. Fuck this place. I can not even get the medicine I need to use in my ctb attempt in my country. From how long have I been trying.. stuck literally. Wish I could be helped.

 

[therhydler]

Barely slept in weeks, eyeballs feel like bricks and my body is just fucked. Still better than my mental state though.

Same

 

[lululoo]

Yes. I wish I had an exit button so bad. I think I'm too depressed and pathetic to put together a plan and succeed in it but I also can't take this anymore. I go back to work in a few days and I don't know how I will survive.

 

[BellaKAT]

yes. i feel this way. can't help but ruin everything that was good. make everything in my life as fucked up as i am.

 

[StolenLife]

The idiot in the ward who I share a room with has apparently never heard of earphones and now everyone has to be a victim to her abysmal sense of music.

 

[S like suicide]

I feel unbelivably bad right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'm still trapped in this existence so how could I not feel bad. It makes sense for me to feel this way. I despise having to exist, I never asked for any of this and yet leaving this world behind is so difficult. Everything in this world is tiring to me and simply just existing makes the thought of eternal sleep sound so appealing.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Sick of being alive. Alone. Depressed. Isolated. Ignored. Pushed aside. Hopeless. Helpless. Lost. Empty. Restless. Bored. Unsatisfied. Frustrated.

I've been stuck for so long. I've tried everything. Can't live, can't die. I have to just exist in this miserable state.

I feel like I'm living the life of an insect. Insignificant. Just buzzing around. Surviving. Trapped in my little world, in my little body doing insect things like all the other insects. No real goals, just satisfying impulses moment by moment. Just doing what's necessary.

I wish I could be swatted. Or have the lifespan of an insect. Why did I have to be incarnated as a human? Why not a fly, or a bacteria, a virus, a moth, a slug, anything that is barely aware and has a really short lifespan. Fuck this existence

 

[deleted442]

Yes and well, yes. Bloody awful. Exactly what I was conditioned to feel.
Whose fault is that you might ask…a good question. But you have autonomy to make your own decisions they say. No, I reply. I'm not the one driving this ship.
The scary thing is there is no one driving the ship. When I mean ship I mean planet earth. We're all too busy either killing each other or screwing each other for paper and squiggly lines on a computer screen.
All the while AI is silently watching.
Yes im feeling bad because im a tiny, insignificant part of this shit.

 

[HonestAbe]

I feel so low. I've been off my meds for a few days, and I'm filled with regrets and disgust for myself and shame and hopelessness. Is anyone out there feeling the same way? I've made such a mess of my life, and I just wish I were dead, but it's not an option. Is anyone out there feeling so low right now?

You about nailed how I am feeling also. I also feel no matter what I do if good is pointless in judging how others react, so it's like why bother? Depends on the day and mood but it's often there during the major lows.