Discussion Is anyone else only alive because of others?

[deadlymongrel]

There are people in my life that I know would be hurt if I were to CTB. I care too much for them to cause more pain in their lives when I know how cruel life already is. On the other hand, I suffer from severe depression and some days I am almost able to convince myself that no one really cares. But I still know there are people who love me and want to see me be well. I just wish it wasn't so damn hard to find the same joy they seem to have because I feel guilty for wanting to leave for selfish reasons.

 

[Blackroom_57]

I'm worried about my mother. But the main reason I'm still here is because I'm not sure if I want to leave life. I know I can carry out the act but taking your life is no small thing. It's not something you can just casually do.

 

[Szinuus]

Yes. Wonderful parents.

 

[ilovecats]

Not really. I stopped caring after realizing that I won't be there to see others mourn my death if I ctb successfully. I know it's a narcissistic way of viewing it.

 

[stermc]

I used to tell myself I was still alive because of my family, but I realized I cannot rely this decision on people, since they are people and will eventually make me mad or something. Still, their love for me is still a reason to try to get better.
Over all, I would say I am still alive because I can die whenever I want, basically. So I am just using this time to learn some stuff and do some things. I feel like I am challenging society, life and death itself. I am alive because, right now, I want to. I have nothing to lose and life is nothing but death's prisoner. I decide when or if I go. Now I am alive, but I can be dead tomorrow. Still, I decide.

 

[ryo the frog]

it's the sole reason why I postponed my due date to years later. living's hard when you're not doing it for yourself whatsoever.

 

[lionetta12]

I really, really don't like hurting people... They don't deserve to hurt... But if I want to ctb, I don't think it's possible to without traumatizing everyone around me... I stay alive because my family and online friends and partner ask me to and I hate seeing them sad when I talk about wanting to die or really just any of my pains... I want to hide everything, I want to die and have them forget about me and be unaffected, but I'll never get this... I'll never be free of this pain... I exist just to please them really...

No, I hope that I can find someone that is worth staying alive for though one day, so far I haven't known anyone like that.

 

[00nobody00]

Yes. The thought of putting my mom and brother through dealing with my death and abandoning them breaks my heart. As much as i really do not want to be around anymore, I want to at least stick around for them because they are amazing and have always been there for me.

 

[ZM4ever]

Same
My mother is in very bad health and after she's gone I'm free too

 

[tiredone]

Im still here because of my kids and partner. Aport from them i only have my dad left, but i am scared that if anything happens to any of them i might not make it any longer. I wish evet night to not wake up, and every day i regret waking up. Its horrible. Just want to be gone without ctb, so they would not suffer as much as if i did.

 

[Kattt]

My dad raised his younger siblings when his parents couldn't cope after two cot deaths.
One day, bullies were throwing stones at his little sister. She saw her brother (my dad) and ran across the street to him. A truck hit her and she was decapitated before she could reach him.
He's a wonderful guy and completely devoted to his family. When a drunk driver ploughed into the car my cousin was sitting in killing him instantly, it was my dad who pulled his corpse from the wreckage.
I've put him through so much. Years of addiction, prison time, self harm (extreme), suicide attempts and psychiatric detention. All he ever did was give me every opportunity he could, a loving, secure and happy home. He doesn't deserve any of it, so I resolved to stick around until he's gone.