Yeah, life makes no sense. People seem content to just play the societal game that humans have created, and they treat their mass delusions like the bottom line of reality. I guess it's too much for most people to think about, so they just adhere to their programming. In a way, I wish I could do the same, but my brain has never let me for long. I've always wanted to really understand why we're here and what it's all about, and if it matters at all. The only time life really made sense to me was either when: 1) I stopped thinking about it so much, went to college and filled my life with goals and meaning, or 2) when I was driven to enlightenment (I was manic AF) by dissociative drug use. #2 was the best time of my life, until it ended in the loneliness and isolation that I am currently facing years down the spiral. It's hard for me to participate in society, because I don't believe in it. It's all made up, and it pisses me off that it's made-up in such a way that leaves so many people to fall between the cracks to be miserable, empty, and forgotten.
I felt like I was going somewhere with this, but now I feel like I just crawled up my own ass. Such is life.
I wanted to reply to several things you said. Bare with me if you can. I'm long winded and scatter brained.
I've taken plenty of meds that were meant to make me "normal" again. But what these doctors fail to realize is my "normal" is their abnormal.
I'm not highly intelligent but I am a thinker. I contemplate. I always have. One of My favorite memories was sitting in the car with an aunt. I'd just learned to tell time. I felt an indescribable feeling as each minute ticked past. And I asked, "Aunt's Name, do you realize each minute that passes we never get back? It's just gone!"
To which she just shrugs and says, "Nah. I never thought about that."
I've taken prescribed medications that will have just as soon contemplate the latest sandals in season than what lives at the very depths of the ocean.
Full circle. Can they (society) not treat their mass delusions as if it's the in all be all? Do we have a choice? Or are some of us just "lucky" enough to see through the veil. Or "unlucky" enough to have the veil shredded with no choice but to look through it.
College life provided you with distractions it sounds like but you still couldn't unknown what you already knew. I could be wrong. Idk. Anything, really.
Just as I wonder how many great artist have never produced and work I wonder how many great scientist and the like never know their "worth" (within the paradigm).
I 100% understand what you mean about interacting with the those of us that are content with their existence. They talk about their "business" and grandkids and latest diets and this blue car they want ans why dawn is better than joy. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "what are you talking to me about? Huh? More distractions you've picked up to help you forgot you're going to die?" None of this shit is real. But it's real and it's torment for some.
I've crawled up my own ass .
