Is anybody considering making one last grand effort to improve their lives before CTB?

[picklemick]

I was prepared to died in June. I wanted out bad. I decided to give it a honest try. I went to a treatment Center for alcohol use and severe depression and anxiety. Stayed 10 weeks.
I tried to get as much out of the program as possible. Every group, every meeting, was honest with my therapists for once, AA, exercised every day, ate well. I won't lie I started to feel better, almost hopeful.
I've been out for a week, going to treatment doesn't make the mess that is the life I created go away. The shame immediately poured back. The anxiety, the sadness, the hopelessness. I've thought about killing myself a lot again. I'm going to keep doing everything. Stay with therapy and group and Dbt. Stay sober. I'm gonna try my best a little longer but I feel it's not going to be enough

 

[deathbyglitters]

Yes but it's like a cycle of trying then failing and being reminded why i want to ctb in the first place.

 

[lachrymost]

I tried extremely hard and did the recommended treatments to get better. I got one decent year out of it that I lived to the fullest before everything blew up in my face. I would be insanely better off if I had never tried at all. What lesson am I supposed to learn from that? Keep trying? Lol.

 

[Little T]

"Fix myself" on what basis of comparison? I read a lot and came across -
"Psychiatry is a Pseudo Science" - Jeffrey A. Schaler, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology
Also:
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Too late to fix a lifetime of errors

 

[GasMonkey]

can't fix bad genetics lul

 

[Lonerzepam]

Yeah. I'm trying to get some ketamine of the dn markets cuz it cured my neurological illness once. Im 6 months sober now and I have sworn myself I cannot ctb until I do ket again it might really improve my quality of life. But it's so hard to get rn I'm walking around making fake mailboxes for it to be delivered. I really put much efford in it. But I just have to do this before I can make an actual decision..

can't fix bad genetics lul

That lul at the end xD

 

[Little T]

Some of us are just not cut out for this world. Even on my best days I'm just going through the motions of what others expect of me. I put walls between myself and others who profess to care for me. I'm 56. And oh how I've tried. I'm done trying. Nothing makes me happy anymore. The only thing keep me from not having already done it is this sense of guilt for those few people I'd leave behind whose lives I'd wreck. It just makes me resent them though.

I'm old enough to let the "guilt" go. Either by natural causes or choice I will have to be "found". At least I have a will, prepaid creamation and working on final instructional details - bills, contacts...
Sure I've left some damage in my wake, but those who feel "wrecked" will have to deal with it as they only judged me from the beginning. Let their judgement weigh on them.
You are okay!
I wish you peace.

 

[Maudlin]

i would but im essentially dickless as i have a legit medical micropenis , this cant be improved.

There's a guy I know down the road from me with the same problem. He met a lady a few years older than he was, who had acreage and likes to breed horses. They've been together now for decades.

A while back I asked him about it, because he used to be so sure his fate was sealed when we were younger.
He said: "if you ain't got it in the hips, you'd best have it in the lips!"
We laughed.

Be a "cunning linguist". The ladies love it.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

There's a guy I know down the road from me with the same problem. He met a lady a few years older than he was, who had acreage and likes to breed horses. They've been together now for decades.

A while back I asked him about it, because he used to be so sure his fate was sealed when we were younger.
He said: "if you ain't got it in the hips, you'd best have it in the lips!"
We laughed.

Be a "cunning linguist". The ladies love it.

thanks for that but would it be enough for permanently to keep a woman happy?

 

[Maudlin]

thanks for that but would it be enough for permanently to keep a woman happy?

Like I said, they've been together decades, at this point. He's like 51-52, she's pushing 60. They've been together over 20 years... almost 30, I think.

He makes her laugh, he tells her nice things to elevate her mood, and he goes down and stays there until she can take no more.

They're happy as hell.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

Like I said, they've been together decades, at this point. He's like 51-52, she's pushing 60. They've been together over 20 years... almost 30, I think.

He makes her laugh, he tells her nice things to elevate her mood, and he goes down and stays there until she can take no more.

They're happy as hell.

that is great then.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

How are you doing now? Have you tried reaching out?

 

[Das Nichts]

I did what I could and it's out of my hands. It's very unrealistic though.

 

[Challu]

No hope here. Only in God.

 

[Ghostofthepast]

I tired it didn't get better so no I won't be again

 

[unsaiddes]

Somewhat, yeah. I went to an open house today for a pretty cheap condo that's for sale, but after talking to the agent and doing some math I figured out I don't make enough money to get pre-approved or afford the monthly payments. My last big effort to improve my life has been trying to buy my own place, but it'll never realistically happen for me. Now I don't know why I shouldn't just CTB.

 

[howswho]

Yeah, I'm getting more and more nervous that if I don't improve my life, I will end up dead within months

 

[nosoul]

Nope, I'd like to but my lack of sleep doesn't allow it

 

[tiredangelgirl]

I'm in the same situation. I've been trying to decide whether I should make one last effort, after several failed attempts, or just live like I am now for another year and then dip. I only work to pay off debt, eat, sleep repeat. It's quite horrible feeling stuck in this limbo and not having the energy to do something about it.

this

 

[Gonnerr]

Im 43 and its always one health issue after another , i use to be in perfect health , my body is like shutting down on me. Started a new job last week it gave me hope but my body feels like dying. Maybe im not meant to live old. Pain and disease is not for me.

 

[Fktw0rld]

Nah

 

[Slark]

I think you should make that last attempt. Knowing that you've done everything in your power should make the CTB option more relaxed.

 

[Zegers]

I did it to get SN and all the meds and a handgun

 

[Gonnerr]

That's why it will make it easy to fight SI when ctb knowing ive done everything in my power to save myself. It will just be a release of that tiredness of life.

 

[unnormal9]

I already fucking did and continue to everyday I fucking wake.

 

[old_constant69]

Was trying to get a new job, but then of course I fucked that all up and now I'm in worse shit I was in before.

 

[henry22]

I have been struggling since I was a teenager to "fix" myself and my life but have always failed miserably. As the years go by, things have steadily worsened to the point where I am on the verge of reaching my breaking point. I am completely isolated and essentially living the life of a hermit on days I am not working. I abandoned all my friends years ago. I feel the time has come to definitively choose one of two options: CTB or make immediate, drastic changes to my life while reaching out to everyone I pushed away over the years. Being that I am already in my mid 30s without any social life whatsoever, I am pretty sure my odds of success in this course of action are minuscule, and it would only serve to delay my inevitable suicide.

I feel I have to make my decision very soon. Anybody else in a similar situation?

I'm in a similar boat.

Can't decide if I should CTB or go all in on my hobbies. Input greatly appreciated.

I'm a woman in my 20s. I became ill a few months ago. It has been a very stressful, expensive, lonely process to try to get it under control and I will need to take many medications and supplements for the rest of my life as it is incurable. Additionally, the illness has changed my face...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Anyone else stuck between investing in themselves and ctb?

I've been at a standstill because I'm not sure if I should keep pushing and invest in myself or if it would better to save that money for my parents since I'll be ctb. A small example: I want to buy an expensive skincare product. But what's the point if I'm planning on ctb? I want to make...

sanctioned-suicide.net