Introduce yourself

[orphy]

Hello all,

I'm a 23 year old male. I am not faring well, and as a long-time lurker, this community helps with feeling not-so-alone with suicidal ideation.

I have a little cocktail mix of mental illnesses, the most agonizing of them all being BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm on the spectrum and I also have ADHD. C-PTSD is likely but no formal diagnosis yet, so who can say.

That said, the emotional pain is what I find most debilitating to live with day to day. I'm fortunate to be medicated (not for ADHD, though) and to have had access to therapy, albeit not until early adulthood, though I know that's still sooner than many people get. Even so, I struggle to find fulfillment or satisfaction in life. At best, nothing brings me positive stimulation; at worst, the emotional pain becomes almost unbearable. Time will tell how much longer I'll last

I am damn stubborn, though, and despite the pain, I do want to see how far I can go with the life I've been given. I didn't ask for it, but it's mine, and ultimately, I get to decide when I end it.

Wishing you all the best day you can manage, and a warm welcome to any newcomers finding their way here

 

[Redhand5]

Hello, my fellow humans

I am a 43 year old male in USA. I've lived a life full of hurt and pain, misery and strife, love and gentleness, boldness and weakness. I've felt alone for most of my life. I've felt wounded by those that loved me. I've felt disregarded by those close to me. I've smiled through most it because I didn't know that it was ok to feel bad about people. Honesty was often punished, love was often ignored, and I was the last one to be considered. My heart tells me that my life hasn't been as bad as many others, my mind tells me that I should be grateful. My heart also tells me that no one would care about my pains and hurts. I live in contradiction, torn between anguish and peace. I am human.
I survived being molested by female family members, physically abused by male family members. Survived heavy combat. Survived the loss of loved ones. Survived the loss of true love. Survived being alone and in need. I think no one would expect my past to allow me to come out as a whole person, and live a long and happy life. I am going through a divorce now, and our family land will probably need to be sold off to cover expenses. This land is a part of our family heritage and it can't be lost due to this divorce. That's why it's my endeavor to Catch The Bus outta here. I've drafted a will for the land to be given to the next heir. And if I can muster the strength to buy my ticket, the land will be saved. I find it ironic that of all life's thrown at me, it is I that will lay me low. I have survived consuming Poison Hemlock twice now, as if even Socrates rejects my life and death. But I have hope that I will find my way to the dark room next door.

Cheers to being human, going through human life, making human choices.

 

[benny]

I'm in my mid 30s from Europe. Found this site after quite a lot of web searching, was unaware there was a forum like this but it seems to be cool from a quick look around.

Nice to meet you all and I look forward to participating on this site

 

[Redhand5]

I'm in my mid 30s from Europe. Found this site after quite a lot of web searching, was unaware there was a forum like this but it seems to be cool from a quick look around.

Nice to meet you all and I look forward to participating on this site

Welcome. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

 

[LRkin]

Hi, people

I am 29 y.o. male. I've been reading threads for quite some time, but only recently decided to actually join. I am somewhat of a shut-in, communicating with people only when I actually have to. For the last couple of years my wish to CTB only grew stronger and stronger, so it got really hard to keep it all inside. And it feels like it's the only place where I can find people who experience same ideations and are not afraid to talk about them.

Even though we all ended up, well, here, I wish everyoune a good day (as good as it's possible, of course).

 

[Kenny]

Ello guys,

I figure I want to be a bit more active here so I may as well introduce myself.

I'm an 18 yo male. I joined this forum fairly recently, and hope to connect with everyone here. Just like most people here (if not everyone), I have issues. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc... I am also being emotionally abused by my parents, well, mostly my dad. I am interested in gaming, random music, business stuffs, and other random things.

I hope to make friends on this site and participate in discussion, etc..

 

[tiramisu]

hello everyone, my name is tiramisu, but feel free to call me tira or misu, or any nickname you like.

 

[between-the-bars]

Hello all, I'm a mid-20s male. I like comic books and music. Just going day to day trying to keep moving forward. Glad to be here.

 

[BurntToCinders]

Hello! I'm Solaris, or Cinders. Just stumbled upon this community and was blown away at how helpful it seems to be! I never knew about SN before, and just ordered some! (Fingers crossed that it comes in alright). I figured in the next few months/however long I end up kicking around, I'd shoot the shit with you guys!

I'm 22 and live on the East Coast of the good old U.S of A. I love music, like, a hilarious amount. Willing to listen to and discuss just about everything! The Fragile by Nine Inch Nails is probably my favorite album (if you count Still as part of it, it's even better). I play a few video games, but not as much these days. Mostly co-op or pve stuff.

I'm open to discussion or tips on the SN method, if you wanna like, PM me or comment on the eventual thread I'll probably be making at some point.

Don't be a stranger!

 

[Minfilia]

hi all <3
i'm minfilia but you can just call me min. have been lurking for a while and decided to make my presence known!

i'm a 24 y/o nonbinary from northern europe. i like video games, 70's (phil ochs and the monkees are my favorites) and industrial/noise music. i also like the concept of archiving and preserving media while we still can. skyrim is one of my favorite games solely because i get to experience wandering around in the woods and look at all the things i never get to see behind the screen myself. there is a sense of peace that i cannot describe in it. even if it's not exactly what bethesda intended for me to do. nature is such a beautiful and fragile thing.

i'm an ex-hikikomori bending back to old habits yet again. i don't have any friends and therefore i really don't have any reasons to leave my apartment. i've given up trying to make any friends because i realized it always ends up in failure. may be my social awkwardness or i'm just not interesting enough to them.
i've been stuck with ptsd as long as i can remember. same with depression. my developmental disabilities have in fact worsened my depression because i don't get treated very well due to them ever since elementary school. i promised myself that i'd CTB by the time i'm 16, but that didn't really happen - and therefore i've been lost and stuck trying to navigate adulthood. scared, even. maybe the opportunity will arrive to me again someday, and this time i will take it.

take care, love you.

 

[atelier]

Hello! I am 21F in Canada.
I have social anxiety and have a few friends but they are not close friends :( I graduated college but I cant find a job that wants to hire me.
I want to talk to lots of people here because I like talking to people, but I cant do it irl.
I like jpop/idols, sewing stuffed animals, and building websites. My biggest interest is yuri and I am a lesbian.

It is nice to meet everyone :)

 

[ilovecats1]

hi im a 21 year old trans woman from turkey
i like reading books and listening to loud music while doing so and also playing video games
i dont really have any diagnoses about anything mental health related so i kinda feel like an outsider here but i just wanted to talk to someone because i feel like the few times i tried nobody even believes me much so i hope i can talk with some people here <3

 

[AlexeiK]

Hi. I recently joined in hope of helping my girlfriend take the next step. She has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, along with a subdural hematoma and a kidney bleed from a fall. Like almost all late-stage pancreatic cancers, hers in untreatable. We think she has less than six months to live.

We've been best friends, and occasionally romantic, for 26 years. I don't have words to express how unbearable it is watching her fade away. I don't know what I'll do without her.

I have short-term memory loss, which makes it hard to remember the rules. Obviously, AI is no help. I want to talk about methods, but I'm not sure how far I can go without breaking the rules.

 

[Numinous]

Hey, my name is Sam. 24M from England (But have lived in Ireland most my life and still here now). I'm into non-dualism, spirituality, psychedelics, occultism and other woowoo stuff like that. I also play a little piano, but I'm not very good (yet). I also enjoy philosophy, but I tend to stay clear of academic philosophy as I consider most of it to be redundant intellectual masturbation. Still, if you like analyzing why things are the way they are, I'm sure we could have some fun chats.

I suppose if there is any philosophical discourse I'm genuinely interested and see a point in, it's relationships and all that prevents us from truly connecting with one another. Insecurities, trauma, bias, fear, self-doubt/criticism, inefficiency and relativity of language etc. For me, I'm at a point where I can't seem to care for anything else in this life other than fostering soul-level relationships with a few people, people I can consider found family. I want to be at a level of awareness where I can pinpoint exactly what is constricting me and the other person from unifying. I want to know someone on a level they might not even know of themselves, and vice versa. I want both parties in the relationship to be ends in themselves, rather than means to an end. The person IS the goal.

I've been told my whole life that this isn't possible, and that I should just accept the superficiality and insularity of the masses, but this I cannot do. I do believe life can be wonderful, but only if you have earnest and loving people experiencing it with you. The point of all of this is to connect, to love, to be, and yet this world has been turned into a corrupt cesspool in which we are groomed from birth to believe vice and consumerism are the path to happiness and the objective standard of "success". No, the truth has been with us all along, we've just had our attention hijacked.

I know the connection I speak of is possible, we've just made it complicated. We have had our minds filled with so much conceptual filth that we can barely perform a simple action without considering a thousand variables. But when you really step back and give yourself a moment of silence, you begin to realize how everything you thought was important and that controlled you was ultimately pointless and empty. That what you believe are obstacles holding you back from connection aren't really obstacles at all. They are almost always conjured and sustained by our minds or the minds of those we interact with. But what if we were in an environment where the conventional rules didn't apply? Where this world of mind-games and endless seeking was just a dream we could opt out of?

I am of the opinion that if the world as we know it is ultimately a conception sustained by us taking it for granted, then realizing its unreality grants us the power to devise our own conceptional world. A world that is aligned to our needs, to our desires, hopes and ideals. If one person attempts this, they're just a lunatic. But two? Three? Five? If they all believed in a radically new and unusual perspective, what makes their version of reality less reasonable than yours? The only thing we are all bound by is our compulsion to survive, everything else is subjective and can be toyed with. Even our view of survival itself can be altered. Belief is reality, and thankfully, belief can be willfully altered to fit your requirements.

Anyway, I've talked enough and this has extended far beyond what should have been a simple introduction.
On with my quest I continue. Learning what I can, reaching out to who I can. I know there are people out there who understand what I'm talking about. The existential loneliness that I feel, and the anguished yearning for an unconditional, unrestrained bond. The loneliness is crippling, but I know I will find my people eventually, and I will do my best to complete them as I too would hope they'd try for me. A refuge from existence is 100% possible, you just have to be willing to abandon what you think you know and who you think you are, and allow yourself to be with others who are on the same journey. From the ashes of who we once were, a seed is planted and prospers through our collaborative, intentional efforts into a blossoming convergence.

 

[2muchpain2]

Hello all, I'm a mid-20s male. I like comic books and music. Just going day to day trying to keep moving forward. Glad to be here.

amazing profile pic

Hi. I recently joined in hope of helping my girlfriend take the next step. She has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, along with a subdural hematoma and a kidney bleed from a fall. Like almost all late-stage pancreatic cancers, hers in untreatable. We think she has less than six months to live.

We've been best friends, and occasionally romantic, for 26 years. I don't have words to express how unbearable it is watching her fade away. I don't know what I'll do without her.

I have short-term memory loss, which makes it hard to remember the rules. Obviously, AI is no help. I want to talk about methods, but I'm not sure how far I can go without breaking the rules.

Hello, I am so sorry to hear what you guys are going thru. We have threads in here with methods, all of them are hard though.

I have survived consuming Poison Hemlock twice now, as if even Socrates rejects my life and death. But I have hope that I will find my way to the dark room next door.

Are you serious!? were you intentionally trying to ctb or did you eat it by accident? Please give me the details as I am considering this method.

 

[cherripi]

Hi everyone! I'm cherri 21F. Super long time lurker. Thought I'd actually try to be active in the community that's helped me out quite a bit :)

 

[meowpuppy]

hi its me valerie

today is my birthday

trans girl, closeted, like apparently 10% of the girls on here, or something, though my relationship to gender is really strange, and i'm probably okay with being a boy too, but not a man. i don't really like games, and my music taste is pretty heterodox considering who i am (rap or ambient). i don't like calling myself a NEET because i think it's kinda derogatory but i am a NEET

i've had horrible memory for the past few years, so i can only really speak to my recent past, but i have suffered from and still suffer from horrible anxiety, to the point where i can't even really leave my bed without having it flare up, and depression that makes me not want to go outside. on top of all this, i'm pretty neurodivergent, neurodivergent enough to where i'm maybe probably unemployable. i used to cope by pretending to be silly online, like other puppygirls, but i eventually got sick of it and i quit the internet at large for somewhere around a year (again, flaky memory), and i don't really have a cogent personality aside from my struggles, a position which isn't pleasant for me or anybody who interacts with me, sorry! i'm still trying to actually form a personality, and not just in the sense of making my existing personality palatable to others, but actually creating a whole new person, which is me. i like reading philosophy, and that's about it.


one of my main problems is my mom. she used to beat and yell at me quite a bit, doesn't anymore, and doesn't really love me or care for my interests. just as an example, of the five(!!) books she got me for my birthday, none of them were books that i wanted, despite her purchasing books on my behalf since i don't have money.

 

[smirks00ts]

good evening.

for personal reasons I wish to be completely anonymous here. but I will try to introduce myself a little bit.

just call me soot, it/he. im 20.
im an autistic who also has BPD and suspecting OCD. im not doing well in life. I have done things I regret with this year being the worst of them all. I dont feel comfortable talking about it at the moment. but I lost everyone close to me because of it, and it's all my fsult. since then ive been more lonelier than ever, and I also have been harming myself, mainly mentally. I have thoughts of ending it in August of this year, but im still conflicted.

aside from that, I like to draw, play games, I also like linux and computers since I was a kid. I just finished resident evil 4 (2005) today. I think thats all I have, thr aforementioned events have killed my passion for things.

I apologize if rhis thread is too depressing. its like 10:47pm and the house is quiet bevause im alone with two of my brothers. i try to be nice despite it all, so you can talk to me if you wish. though I have been burnt out for a while.

I wish you all well <3