Introduce yourself

[MBY85]

I am 35. Disabled, sad, trapped in a word where I want to die but I can"t because my disability make me dependant of others to the point that I can make my own decision freely.
I have passed a lot of time in this web in the last few weeks. I am sick of outside where nobody understands and I feel very alone.

 

[ImmortalTaoist]

Hello everyone. Long story short I'm 22, and I guess I'd say I have a good life and I have lots of opportunities/things to live for, I have a relationship with someone, that's falling apart now due to my depression, issues and traumas and well yeah I have family, being just my mother and some back in my home country that I keep in touch with. Dad died of suicide and my mother almost died last year as well due to suicide. I enjoy anime and just artistic things, nature and animals and for me I guess I just see myself as an outsider in this world and I see myself as someone that just despite having goals and things within this life I just don't see myself as belonging in this world. I don't feel at peace within this era, I don't feel at peace with this world and the things that do are animals and nature but I can't really just live an anime style or fantasy's style life where I just abandon everything and live off the nature and off this world. Basically I just don't see myself belonging in this world and despite having so much love for others I'll never be able to love myself nor this world as it is if I'm here.

 

[LunarPyotr]

Hey, I decided to make a post here finally and I'm really glad that the moderators don't ban accounts with 0 posts and no activity.
I'm 23 yo, I'm from Germany and I have been lurking there for a long time till I got the opportunity to get an old Lenovo ThinkPad and install Linux on it.

When it comes to my life, it's just a mess.
I had 3 GF's before and all of them cheated on me, I had a perfect job in technical support department at Unitymedia but then I got fired because they had too many employees (couldn't find any jobs after that) and all of my friends died over the couple of years because some of them just drank to much and others just stopped contacting me after they moved to a different country/state.
The worst thing is that I don't enjoy things anymore, which I enjoyed to do in the past.
I used to enjoy helping people with their electronics, loved to repair things and I drove over 800km to visit my family but everything just faded away.

One day I tried to kill myself, when I did my daily motorcycle tours through some unknown cities. At one point I just couldn't stop thinking about all the crap that happened to me, began crying and wanted to end my suffer. I speedded up to 160km/h and ran through a red light and got hit by some SUV and landed on some tree.
Luckily or unfortunately, I somehow survived the crash.

No one knows that it was an suicide attempt, I'm too scared to seek any help and I'm struggling to live a normal life.
I'm taking some anti-depression pills that I'm ordering from an German forum and they kinda prevent me from killing myself and somewhat get through the day without any "bad thoughts".
To be honest, I really hate being alone and I would like to wake up in the morning with someone laying beside me, who really loves me and fall asleep, cuddling with that person like I did with my last GF but I've been too anxious to date anyone because of my previous experiences : /

Sry for my bad English.

 

[occupymars]

I'm 26 from NYC. I'd say a lot if I had the energy to, I haven't got a sob story more sad than anyone else's but I have seen some rough times. I almost drank SN a couple days ago, might not stay here long.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Hey there. I'm 33,uk. Shit times in my formative years have left me full on bpd. Been so fortunate to have access shit loads of specific therapy, private and nhs. Suffer daily with emotional, mental and physical pain.
Have done all society expects of me, career, mortgage, no kids. Last 7yrs with the most wonderful sweetheart, stuck by me through all my shit. Well it finally got too much, I drove him away.
I've never wanted to live but always found a reason to keep going. I've exhausted them all now. I have recently started planning and preparing to CTB. Wow, it's the only calm, stable thing I've experienced for so long, maybe ever. Pleased to find this community to support me in finding me peace.

 

[FFTMGD]

I feel like reintroducing myself since its been a long time since I have been here, and even though I am still suicidal I have changed a lot. I am a passive person who suffers from gender dysphoria, and been thinking about dying for pretty much increasing intensity since I was like 13(I am 25 now) and every winter I feel like getting closer to overcoming SI and my own depressive lethargy to achieve it. Only thing that has been keeping me alive this long is that I have believed in magic. Well I feel like now I am either crazy and hopeless, or I am onto something I can't overcome and hopeless. XD Either way I want out of this body one way or another.

 

[idkwhat]

hi I am twenty years old and I am from India . I feel like something has been wrong with me all my life but only recently did i came to realise it's not . suicide has always been felt justifiable to me and for me . death has been on my mind since a very long time now and i feel comfortable with my sadness and suicidal thoughts :)


sometimes i feel like the way my mom always treated me , turned me into a mess but i really hope that's not the case. i was born with it and i am gonna leave soon , happily :) i am grateful for everything and everyone and i have forgiven everyone including myself . or maybe not myself . it's just me right? , i c*t , i like it and i am addicted to it ( though i haven't in a while) (it's strange sort of addicted, i am hooked onto the physical feeling of it and also the peace that i get from just thinking about dying in my own terms). and i can't wait to end everything :) if i could , then i would k*ll myself a hundred times , diffrent ways each . i have different plans memorised . .anyways that's enough of my creepy personality .

lovely seeing so compassionate people here and cant wait to be guided to my way more and more through this site

 

[almamuerta]

Hi, I'm 38/f in the UK, originally from the US. I've been depressed & suicidal a long time. Was HF in my 20s to early 30s but the last few yrs my health has tanked, and being unemployed since 2017 has allowed all the stuff I kept buried under 60+ hrs school/work weeks rise to the surface.

I contacted mental health services around 2018 and have been on a carousel of anti depression meds that have done little to help and a lot to my weight.

I've fought for so long, I'm tired of fighting. I'm ready to exit the stage.

 

[KickFive]

Hi , I'm KickFive and I'm the cutest thing you've never seen .

 

[hoping to lose hope]

ummmm... You can call me Hope I guess or anything else it is all fine with me even if you meanpost me :3
I really really love music!! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡
If you want to talk like about music at all I am always happy to and I am a little shy.
I have a problem with shitposting which I am working on so sorrrry..

 

[Death22]

Hello guys. Hope it's gonna be good here !

 

[SamsaSoup]

Hello everyone. Mixed feelings about even being here, although I am in awe of some members and their supportive messages. 49 year old. Suffering from the consequences of dubious life choices as well as family problems. Off and on depressed for years, full on this year. Read up on methods mostly intended as stress relief, but who knows. The bus seems still more attractive than allowing Covid or its indirect effects to get me. Probably will spend most of my time here lurking, unless I feel I can meaningfully contribute.

 

[inthemoonblue]

Hi there, I'm in my mid-twenties and from the U.S. I've had urges to ctb since I was a teenager, but recently, I've never felt more certain that it's the only possible future for me. I'm glad to join this site after lurking for a while and seeing a lot of people who seem to feel the same way.

 

[funkyratlad]

hey, I joined back in february but left for a few months. kinda felt the need for this again. probably have a lot of internalized bi/homophobia. dunno if im even a woman. trying to do art but giving up quickly afterwards, also trying to overcome my shitty relationship with food and my body. I like anime and games and I love my friends :-)

 

[waterstrider]

Hey everybody...
Where to begin?
I'm a shy european girl (22) that found her way to this this forum.
I suffer from chronic back pain after being diagnosed with osteoporosis.
Its caused by me starving myself since my early teens.
My parents don't really care about me or what I do with my life at that point.
This fucking pandemic made my situation even worse because I lost my job and have nothing left that still helps me keep a routine or normal life.
Past trauma has made it that I don't trust my surroundings at all and mostly need a loooong time to open up.
For example: I never told anybody about my suicidal thoughts or intentions and don't intend to do so either. I don't want to be locked up in a mental hospital just because society thinks I'm a failure. In truth society failed me.
Lately I searched for methods on the internet and found the megathreads on here.

A little bit about me:
sugargliders are my favorite animals
pancakes are my favorite food
I love playing the piano
I enjoy listening to nearly every genre of music but at the moment I like techno, house and rap
I love fashion (it might seem shallow but I think it's a way to express oneself)
I like to walk everyday (maybe a little obsessive)
I enjoy watching funny/animal related stuff on youtube

Thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to chatting to some of you

 

[jnpx321]

Hi there, I'm in my mid-twenties and from the U.S. I've had urges to ctb since I was a teenager, but recently, I've never felt more certain that it's the only possible future for me. I'm glad to join this site after lurking for a while and seeing a lot of people who seem to feel the same way.

Are you male or female? Do you have a job?
What's your story for suicidal thoughts?

 

[mirko]

Hello,

I'm male, in my early 20s, I live in Italy. I used to lurk on the subreddit when it was still a thing, after the purge I remember someone created this forum, but never actually signed up since things got little better and moved on with my life. Anyway here I am, I still have some doubt but knowing there is a way out it reassures me. I'm interested in the SN method since it seems the least physical destructive method to ctb,
All my pain essentially comes from the lack of social life and poor academic performance, I hoped this year to resolve them but covid happened.

 

[Seul]

Hiya I'm Seul! 18 years old with one failed partial hanging attempt. I give up too easily on most things in my life so I'm now working towards ctb (what I believe is the most logical choice). Been lurking without an account for a few months but I'm feeling extroverted now and looking forward to chatting with others and figuring out how to finally end it all!

 

[justsad&done]

Hi Everyone...I admit I've been lurking, but finally feel ready to say Hi. I'm a 59 Female living in the US. I have been terribly depressed and anxious and have tried to CTB in various ways for 48 yrs. I've tried so many different types of therapy, medications, hospitalizations and other treatments over the yrs. Finally found out I have CPTSD last yr. I feel like I've been living in a parallel universe my whole life. But enough is enough. I've been through the whole Dignatis thing (not successful), but now have everything I need to CTB. But I have 3 kids who are old enough to live on their own, but who would be destroyed if I CBT. I can't do that to them. I hate my life so much and just want to stop. But I'm stuck here. At least that's how I feel now. Maybe in a few more yrs things will be different and I can go. But I wanted to say how much I appreciate this site....to be able to see that I'm not alone is a huge relief.

My 3 kids are what keep me here, too. Makes it very hard, trying to be responsible and a decent mom when in so much pain.

 

[fly away]

My 3 kids are what keep me here, too. Makes it very hard, trying to be responsible and a decent mom when in so much pain.

I know how you feel. It's a huge struggle.

 

[winechateu]

hello.
just turned 18 from new york.
just tried to kill myself this past halloween, was put into a psych ward where i was diagnosed with depression and now i am out and i feel worse.
i am gonna be upfront with myself, i do not want to wait around and try new medication to become happy. i am not looking forward to my own future because my current mental state is torturous enough.
i think about suicide every hour of the day and plan on what to write in my notes to my friends.
anyway i loooove classical music!! that is the hardest thing for me to let go. i love performing so much.
death date for 15 days but we'll see because i am having trouble letting go of one person.
hit me up woooooo

 

[Miss_Takes]

Hi All
My heart is with you all. I am here because I am coming to the end of my journey. I am tired if being made to feel selfish, insane and 'stupid' for a rational and honest choice. Ok,m Im not always rational or honest but I do believe in my right to decide and everyones right to dignity in suicide.
Hope that made sense and I don't sound like a complete tosser.

 

[winechateu]

Hiya I'm Seul! 18 years old with one failed partial hanging attempt. I give up too easily on most things in my life so I'm now working towards ctb (what I believe is the most logical choice). Been lurking without an account for a few months but I'm feeling extroverted now and looking forward to chatting with others and figuring out how to finally end it all!

18 gang heyyy

 

[Miss_Takes]

hello.
just turned 18 from new york.
just tried to kill myself this past halloween, was put into a psych ward where i was diagnosed with depression and now i am out and i feel worse.
i am gonna be upfront with myself, i do not want to wait around and try new medication to become happy. i am not looking forward to my own future because my current mental state is torturous enough.
i think about suicide every hour of the day and plan on what to write in my notes to my friends.
anyway i loooove classical music!! that is the hardest thing for me to let go. i love performing so much.
death date for 15 days but we'll see because i am having trouble letting go of one person.
hit me up woooooo

Hey
Thanks for the like. I am glad we have this forum to chat.
Ive thought about the 'notes' a lot. Mostly I just become annoyed at not being allowed to say goodbye f2f. I suppose just laying it on the line is best ... honesty with love.
The closer I get the less important it seems ... denial perhaps?

 

[winechateu]

Hey
Thanks for the like. I am glad we have this forum to chat.
Ive thought about the 'notes' a lot. Mostly I just become annoyed at not being allowed to say goodbye f2f. I suppose just laying it on the line is best ... honesty with love.
The closer I get the less important it seems ... denial perhaps?

"the closer it gets the less important it seems".. I really like that and I hope that'll be me. I am afraid if I see them f2f I'll just breakdown and not want to leave them which would result in me getting put into another psych ward. Maybe I should leave no note and just give her one last hug or something. Thanks for the reply!

 

[Miss_Takes]

"the closer it gets the less important it seems".. I really like that and I hope that'll be me. I am afraid if I see them f2f I'll just breakdown and not want to leave them which would result in me getting put into another psych ward. Maybe I should leave no note and just give her one last hug or something. Thanks for the reply!

I suppose it depends on her level of importance to you and your perceived importance to her.
Im sorry your experience of psych services has been negative.

 

[winechateu]

I suppose it depends on her level of importance to you and your perceived importance to her.
Im sorry your experience of psych services has been negative.

eh it happens. thanks. ill probably update somewhere what i decide to say, if anything at all. :)

 

[Miss_Takes]

eh it happens. thanks. ill probably update somewhere what i decide to say, if anything at all. :)

Say it does but that doesnt make it right.
Take care of yourself.

Say it does but that doesnt make it right.
Take care of yourself.

That was meant to be 'sadly' not 'say' .... im an oldie on a phone with fat fingers lol ... shouldnt be allowed lol

 

[fly away]

Hi All
My heart is with you all. I am here because I am coming to the end of my journey. I am tired if being made to feel selfish, insane and 'stupid' for a rational and honest choice. Ok,m Im not always rational or honest but I do believe in my right to decide and everyones right to dignity in suicide.
Hope that made sense and I don't sound like a complete tosser.

I absolutely agree with you. You are no tosser. I feel the same way, as I'm sure most here do. Sometimes CTB is the only rational and honest decision. And it should be our right to decide and we should not have to suffer even more by hiding. I'm new, too, but I've found this to be a very welcoming and supportive space.

 

[newave3]

Hi my name is Phil McCracken and I live in the big Apple...don't mind the maggots sha oobie shattered shattered