Introduce yourself

[Qvaelia]

Hey everyone,

I'm 22 from the Netherlands. I've been lurking for a while, but finally decided to join. Suicidal thoughts started when I was 14/15, but I can't say everything was smooth before that. Looked for help a few times, but that didn't get anywhere. In one case it just got worse. Recently looked for help again and started therapy for the first time, but I was referred immediately after the first session. Also had a collapsed lung a month ago, so it's definitely been a weird time lately.

I guess I will see where it leads. A lot of hopelessness and uncertainty brought me here, and I am glad that this place exists. It offers something you can't really find anywhere else, but that some of us – including me – really need.

Glad to meet you all :)

 

[whywere]

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide @Qvaelia !!! It is just GREAT having you as a new global family member here with everyone. WE ARE the finest family on Earth with so much love, caring, kindness, empathy and SUPPORT for one another that all of us are just awesome! I hope that everyone here can help you too no matter what path one takes in life. Again...WELCOME!! Walter (yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[Qvaelia]

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide @Qvaelia !!! It is just GREAT having you as a new global family member here with everyone. WE ARE the finest family on Earth with so much love, caring, kindness, empathy and SUPPORT for one another that all of us are just awesome! I hope that everyone here can help you too no matter what path one takes in life. Again...WELCOME!! Walter (yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

Love the enthusiasm! Thanks for the warm welcome <3

 

[Less_Negative]

Hello.
I'm soon to be 20 years old, have struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 12-13 years old and have tried to keep them under the rug for my whole life, I believe I'm doing fine on that regard. I've been lurking this site and using other suicide related forums to vent my feelings for a few years (I was never brave enough to bite the bullet) and since many of those forums have been shut down, I decided to finally join this site.
I believe that all my negative thoughts and emotions stem from my lack of academic success (dropped out of high school at 14, never got my English certificate/diploma) and the constant reminder that I am not a good person at all. I can't stop remembering and thinking about all the things that I've done wrong in my life and all the pain I've caused to others who've called themselves a friend of mine and all the troubles I've caused my family. As a result of all of that I've been a recluse for the great majority of my adolescent and early adult life, no friends (even my online ones ended up fading away), no job, no future. At least I've still got my family.

Some days are harder than others, but I try to keep myself in check (even if I fail most of the time) and although progress on improving myself as a person has been almost null I still dream of one day being able to be normal, even if all signs point to that never happening in the end.

 

[SoTiredOfBeingHere]

Hey everyone, 30yo here.
Joined this site recently, but I've been reading it for a while now. Not seeking for comfort here, just looking for a possible (and especially peaceful) way out of here.
The only thing holding me back right now is the thought of my parents being sad about it.
Anyway, I'm planning to get ahold of N so atleast I will have an option of pulling the plug if it gets too hard.
Many thanks for your attention, wish you a lot of good things to come your way!

 

[whywere]

Hey everyone, 30yo here.
Joined this site recently, but I've been reading it for a while now. Not seeking for comfort here, just looking for a possible (and especially peaceful) way out of here.
The only thing holding me back right now is the thought of my parents being sad about it.
Anyway, I'm planning to get ahold of N so atleast I will have an option of pulling the plug if it gets too hard.
Many thanks for your attention, wish you a lot of good things to come your way!

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide our new global family member!!! So HAPPY to have you with everyone here. The entire global family is just so great!, As all the folks here are so loving, caring with so much kindness, empathy and SUPPORT for one another that it is just amazing! My wish for you is you find the love that I have here no matter what path one takes in this life. Again...WELCOME!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[SoTiredOfBeingHere]

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide our new global family member!!! So HAPPY to have you with everyone here. The entire global family is just so great!, As all the folks here are so loving, caring with so much kindness, empathy and SUPPORT for one another that it is just amazing! My wish for you is you find the love that I have here no matter what path one takes in this life. Again...WELCOME!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

Many thanks, dear Walter!

 

[CloseTheBook]

Hey everyone, I'm L_____. I'm 22, living in London. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and am ready to find a happier place :)

 

[whywere]

Hello.
I'm soon to be 20 years old, have struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 12-13 years old and have tried to keep them under the rug for my whole life, I believe I'm doing fine on that regard. I've been lurking this site and using other suicide related forums to vent my feelings for a few years (I was never brave enough to bite the bullet) and since many of those forums have been shut down, I decided to finally join this site.
I believe that all my negative thoughts and emotions stem from my lack of academic success (dropped out of high school at 14, never got my English certificate/diploma) and the constant reminder that I am not a good person at all. I can't stop remembering and thinking about all the things that I've done wrong in my life and all the pain I've caused to others who've called themselves a friend of mine and all the troubles I've caused my family. As a result of all of that I've been a recluse for the great majority of my adolescent and early adult life, no friends (even my online ones ended up fading away), no job, no future. At least I've still got my family.

Some days are harder than others, but I try to keep myself in check (even if I fail most of the time) and although progress on improving myself as a person has been almost null I still dream of one day being able to be normal, even if all signs point to that never happening in the end.

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide!! It is so great to have you as a new global family member here with everyone. One can NOT find a better group of the finest folks anywhere as we all love, care, have so much empathy, kindness and SUPPORT for each other. My wish is that you find all the love and SUPPORT to help you, no matter your path in this world. Again..WELCOME!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[HadEnough1974]

Hey everyone, I'm L_____. I'm 22, living in London. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and am ready to find a happier place :)

Disney World? I hear it's the happiest place on earth! Please send postcard and picture with Mickey Mouse!

 

[whywere]

Hey everyone, I'm L_____. I'm 22, living in London. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and am ready to find a happier place :)

HELLO and WELCOME!!! WOW, another great global family member here on Sanctioned Suicide! Darn, it makes me so happy to keep seeing new members join LIKE YOU!!! I hope you find all the love, caring, kindness, empathy and SUPPORT that we as a family provide each other. Everyone here is truly salt of the Earth folks, and we all are AWESOME!!!! Again..WELCOME!!!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony ever)

 

[lanax09]

been on here a while but just saw this so... I'm Lana. in a very academically pressured and selective school in London where my entire value as a person is placed on my academic performance. my mum's a total bitch and I lost my best friend and I've had depression since I was 9 or 10 and didnt even know what the fuck that was, suicidal thoughts followed a year later. enough negativity, I love coding and computers, cats, comedy and chicken strips. my biggest regret when I ctb is that I didn't learn as many coding languages as I promised mysef I would.

 

[EndlesslySuffering]

Hello I am new here but have been lurking for a while. I'm a 31 year-old male from Canada who has been suffering from Bipolar Disorder for years. In addition this, I deal with chronic pain that leaves me in agony throughout my days. I've lost all my friends, contacts, hobbies, and activities and no longer enjoy anything in my life. Things just keep getting worse too. Looking for peace and comfort.

 

[whywere]

Hello I am new here but have been lurking for a while. I'm a 31 year-old male from Canada who has been suffering from Bipolar Disorder for years. In addition this, I deal with chronic pain that leaves me in agony throughout my days. I've lost all my friends, contacts, hobbies, and activities and no longer enjoy anything in my life. Things just keep getting worse too. Looking for peace and comfort.

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide our new global family member!!!! We are the finest family on Earth as we love, care, have so much kindness, empathy, support and understanding for each other, that it is just amazing! I am so happy to have you with everyone here and my wish is that you find the love and support that we are becoming famous for! No matter the path that one is choosing in life, all of the family here is just so understanding and supportive!!! Again..WELCOME!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[DarkNearDeath]

I'm a 23 year old incompetent person, lacking great deal of social cues, and probably the quietest person. It's always the cause of me losing friends. I've honestly gone to this forum every night because I feel shit.

I get ghosted every now and then, people assume that they're the only one dealing with something, the other end:me is going through torture too because of it. I found that avoiding social medias at night did give some relief to getting sleep without feeling like I'm the worse person that night.

I also find myself accepting it, that I'm getting ghosted because I'm socially incompetent for anyone, including friends to open their problems to and now I'll just have to suffer quietly and still be able to smile and reply that I'm good everytime they check on me.

 

[whywere]

I'm a 23 year old incompetent person, lacking great deal of social cues, and probably the quietest person. It's always the cause of me losing friends. I've honestly gone to this forum every night because I feel shit.

I get ghosted every now and then, people assume that they're the only one dealing with something, the other end:me is going through torture too because of it. I found that avoiding social medias at night did give some relief to getting sleep without feeling like I'm the worse person that night.

I also find myself accepting it, that I'm getting ghosted because I'm socially incompetent for anyone, including friends to open their problems to and now I'll just have to suffer quietly and still be able to smile and reply that I'm good everytime they check on me.

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide! you are now part of our global family and it makes me so happy to have you with us here! The entire global family is by far the best on this Earth, as far as everyone has so much love and caring along with kindness, empathy, understanding and support for everyone including YOU! No matter ones path in this life, the love and support is just outstanding. Again, WELCOME to the global family!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[Myridian]

Hi,
I'm 22 years old and have suffered with depression for six years. Since I'm not a very active person there cannot be said much about me.

 

[whywere]

Hi,
I'm 22 years old and have suffered with depression for six years. Since I'm not a very active person there cannot be said much about me.

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide new global family member!! You have come to the right place that has a global family that loves and cares for each other with so much kindness, understanding, empathy and support that it helps with depression, BPD, heck a lot of things! I have massive depression, BPD and a lot more mental health aspects. Everyone here has been so helpful and super nice to me and my wish is the same for YOU! Again, WELCOME and great to have you with everyone here! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[Conflict3d]

Hello,

26 year old here and never thought I would be on a forum such as this before my health deteriorated . Life was not too bad for me, I had an okay job, great family, awesome GF, good friends, ect.

Catching Covid December 2020 turned my life into a living Hell. I did not recover as most people do and become a "Covid Long Hauler". It's been 5 months now and my symptoms are still really severe. Just breathing even is difficult, every day is a challenge to get through and there is no end in sight. I see others in a similar situation saying that they are 1 year + post Covid and still not better. Suicide definitely seems like an option eventually since it would be better to not exist then live like this.

I have been to the emergency room 8 times now and countless doctor appointments/tests. All my tests come back normal and nothing medically can be done. Last time I was in the emergency room I was in so much distress that I was admitted to a pysch ward for 7 days due to being suicidal. I still want to live and hopefully I can get better but the situation is looking worse and worse for me so I hope to at least have the option to end it on my own terms if I deem that living would be worse then non existing at a certain point.

I found this forum recently and it looks like such a great place for anyone to find information, talk to others and have support no matter what their decisions or situation they are in. Hope to see you guys around.

 

[PurpleAura]

Hi,
I'm new to the site. I'm based in the UK and suffer with ME/CFS which makes my everyday life miserable although I don't have it as bad as some people. I'm told that I have mental health issues but it depends on your point of view, maybe its just that one persons definition of normal isn't the same as another's. Anyway, one sure thing is that we are all going to die at some point but I'm hoping to be able to find some kindred spirits somewhere along the line.

 

[BabyFears]

Hi everybody!

So I'm new and I thought it would be good to introduce myself as a first post.

I'm Rose, I'm 21 and I'm struggling with depression and anxiety for a year and half. Because of that I had to take a break and pause my studies.

I have suicidal thoughts for about 6 months and it gets worse a bit more everyday. Last week, pain was so unbearable that the blade was pressed on my wrist, ready to cut my veins. I was so upset, such in pain. And I found SS, I found this website and this prochoice community. It saved me. I wasn't alone anymore. I wasn't the only one dreaming of death day and night. For the first time, I felt hope and it kept me from cbt. This place feels like home somehow...

I get to live a bit longer and I truly hope I'll get through all of this. I hope someday I'll be happy and grateful not to ctb at the time.

For now, it just seems like a stupid thought that would never become reality. And death keeps being so appealing.

Thanks for reading me!

Rose

 

[M Berry M]

hi you can call me daisy. i am 20 years old and suffer from anxiety depression ptsd and bpd. i've had suicidal thoughts since i was a child. not going to ctb quite yet but am planing on doing SN sometime in the (hopefully) near future. hoping i can learn somethings and makes some friends on my journey .

 

[Mannequin]

I've tried to kill myself a lot, but I can never finish the job as I'm too afraid. The closest I came was when I jumped into a partially frozen river from a long pier. That should have killed me, but I drifted back some ways and was able to climb out from a ladder. I was so cold and frozen that I could barely move my legs. (Why did I climb out? Survival instinct kicked in). A passing taxi picked me up and took me to the hospital, where I lied and told the doctors I fell in by mistake taking photographs of the landscape.

Two years before that I tried to shoot myself but I couldn't pull the trigger. I can remember sitting there for an hour with the gun to my head, tears coming down my face, waiting for the confidence to come through to pull the trigger, but it never came. It was somebody else's pistol that I borrowed without their permission and have since returned it. I wish I had it now though -- it's such an easy way to end it all.

I'm so mad. I'm so angry at everything in life. I don't understand why people treat me like garbage. I don't deserve it. It's been like this since childhood. Of course, some people have been very nice and loving along the way, but almost everyone around me is terribly unpleasant and ungrateful for every good thing I've done. I'm sick of it. I'm 40 years old and have nothing to show for. I don't believe there is a happy future for me -- there certainly hasn't been one yet.

I'm here as a new member to hopefully find the courage (and the appropriate method) to end everything. Will I be successful? Probably not because I'm a failure.

In the meantime, hello.

 

[ForgiveMeMama]

Heyyy, recently joined but I've known this site for a little while. I'm 20, Neet, most definitely depressed and possibly autistic. I like video games, metal, and punk.
My mental health isn't completely fucked right now but I recently came out to my semi-abusive mom as trans and it didn't go well. So I've accepted that I'm gonna off myself at some point. Just waiting for the right time, as I've still got my sis, friends and interests to keep me grounded.
Anyways I'm looking forward to meeting and talking with y'all, big hugs!

 

[jensrij7]

Hey I'm a 29 year old from Belgium. I hope I can CTB as soon as possible.

 

[Moth]

Reappeared hear after a while. I tried to get better. Didn't work. I just hate everyone and everything more.

 

[UKscotty]

Hey everyone,
I am from the UK and have been lurking on and off for a while
I spent a good deal of time on the old moderated usenet groups a long time ago but then was doing quite well for about a decade.

Recently I have started to realise just how pointless and draining life really is.
I have a good job, a home, car etc but I am just sick and tired of life.

 

[western_heart]

Hi! I spent all afternoon on here (because of, or despite? having a migraine) and figure it's a good time to write an intro.

I'm in my 30s with a long history of depression and psychiatric drug treatment.
I had a good career until I became too depressed to function and let addiction take over. I've stopped the more harmful substances (incl. alcohol), but there's lasting trauma and doing any sort of work is unappealing to me.
I'm in a committed relationship and don't know if I'll CTB anytime soon, my current circumstances seem comfortable enough for now and the people I am close with want me to stay around. Still, I feel a great deal of pain & think about suicide daily & would rather be dead than live uncomfortably.

I joined here to learn and be in a space where I can speak openly. I don't have anyone to talk to about how I feel besides my SO, and they can only take so much. I want to minimize harm to those around me.

 

[quanxiswife]

Hello everyone,

My name is M and I've been suicidal since I was a kid. My life isn't even that bad, but I just don't feel like I'm supposed to be here. I plan to CTB soon with the SN I have, but I'm not sure when. Before then, I figured I would get to know you all here. Everyone seems very kind and understanding and, although I'm rather anti-social, I hope I can contribute at least a little to the community. I'm 21 years old and I live in the US. I enjoy watching anime and reading manga, political and sociological theory, playing RPG games, and taking naps. I also listen to music 24/7 so any recommendations would be very welcome. Thank you <3

 

[EndIsNigh]

Hi all.
I've just been accepted to the forum. I'm in my twenties and live in the UK. I have had suicidal depression for many years now. Interests include playing and listening to music, cycling, current affairs, reading and theatre.
Anyone else here in the UK (London / South / East?)