Introduce yourself

[Ferret]

Hi
I've made a new account after the whole Facebook row.. but don't know if I should say the name I used to have right now! I panicked and left as got a couple of messages on FB. My own stupid fault. Lesson learned.

Welcome back :)

 

[quietquietperson]

Hello, i am a new member. I dont really know what i could say about myself. I like drawing even if I feel like i can't draw anything good. I try to be as optimistic as possible but it isn't easy. I came here because I am not entirely sure about my feelings, I have suicidal thoughts from time to time but i do not know if I will act on them. My first boyfriend died from suicide when I was 16 and that impacted me a lot. I want to understand him and understand others that feel suicidal too. One of my dreams is to become a good therapist to help those who contemplate suicide. I do believe there can be something good for every individual... But It's also difficult to keep on being positive. I'm not sure if i'll manage to achieve my dreams. I dont know if i should keep on living or if I should give up now... I mostly want to understand others, get valuable information... It can help me understand myself, maybe even understand my boyfriend. Although I know each person has their own reasons leading them to suicide.

 

[mikrokosmos]

Hello there. I'm new, but I've been lurking here for a bit. I've struggled with depression, self-harm, and disordered eating most of my life; I spend a lot of time on my own or resting (I have chronic pain). I don't have many friends or positive attributes. I live with my boyfriend whom I love deeply, but don't feel like I deserve. I love k-pop, cats, Animal Crossing, drawing, and horror movies. I...I don't really know what I'm trying to gain or look for, but it would be nice to make friends. Or at least have some social interaction that isn't my mother or boyfriend.

 

[Plainjane]

Hi, i'm new here.I'm a mom of two kids 11 and 12, and I love them to pieces, but my health has ruined their and my husband's life.I don't go a single month without doctor visits,ER visit,hospital stay, or some type of medical disaster.I hurt so much physically.Everyone pushes me to go see someone to talk to, but truth is I don't care about myself enough TO do that.Part of me hopes eventually I get to the point I snap, and I just end it.I don't want to hurt my kids, though or my husband and that is what keeps stopping me.I don't want this life anymore.

hi, i'm kind of like in the same situation :) chronic pain illness and having a family

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Hi! Im "Charlie" female /41, I stayed behind here after my friend asked me to stay online with her on her final night.
I've been diagnosed with Borderline, anxiety disorder, adhd and depression.
I actually don't want to die, I don't think I'm done with life, although it's not exactly a cake walk. It seems I'm looking for something but i still haven't figured out what im searching for. But because I chose life, doesn't mean I don't understand or disrespect people who choose otherwise.
It was never my intention to keep hanging around on these boards, but decided to stay because of the real people and emotions wich i can learn loads from, and to stay in touch with a few who've showed me so much care after my friend had left. I want to be here for them to.

I love to listen to music ( mostly metal) and painting and just making things that make me smile.

 

[Privatehell]

Morning everyone. I'm 32 from England, I've had depression and generalised anxiety disorder since my mid teens. On paper, things don't look so bad, loving family, a home with my partner, two beautiful cats who I'm admittedly besotted with... I feel ungrateful for the disturbingly dark thoughts and impulses that run through my head, and for the fact that I'm either numb or filled with deep rage and bitterness. It uncontrollably consumes my head space so much that the idea of not enduring it any longer is a rapidly growing temptation. I'm here not knowing how to move forward. I just want the pain and screaming in my head to stop one way or the other. On a good day, I'm all about music, art, most creative things, the macabre, horror films, learning random things. From lurking in forums I've seen so much love and support so thanks for the welcome here.

 

[LivideLamb]

In my country, I'm legally an adult yet can't even properly function.

Hello everyone ! LivideLamb here !
A french student who'se fantasies about death and cbt takes up most of her time.

A little background for you, I'm 18 years of age, I've had crippling anxiety all my life, but it got worse about 4/5 years ago. Clinical depression quickly followed, with numerous illness. And doctors might be suggesting that schizophrenia is also ruling my life.
I have to be honest and say that my anxiety has gotten better, I mean, I can't leave the house or go grocery shopping, or do normal things without feeling anxious, but It's a little more bearable... But anyway.

I don't want to rush things with cbt. I have always had this daydream where I would blow half of my brain off with a shotgun, or a .44, so I guess that's how I would end it... Or in a car crash, who knows, perhaps not even me.

I let time pass, but I know I will end my life on my own terms.

Thank you for reading, feel free to message me !

 

[LLawliet]

Hi
I don't want to use my real name, so I'll just say my name is Claire.
I like anime, My Chemical Romance, and playing guitar.
I can't find a reason to live anymore and it's just boring and annoying being here. Everything is superficial and death is inevitable.

 

[suicidesket]

hi, i'm going to call myself agnes on here. i'm 21 and as you can tell, i dislike capitalisation. my life is so lame, i don't see myself having a fruitful future so what is the point. life isn't bad but i really don't understand why i need to live such an average life

 

[Biggie]

Hello everyone,

I'm Biggie, 20 years old and I have dealt with a varying severity of depression for as long as I can remember. I am at a stage now where I just want to be at peace, pass away and just disappear from this earth. The constant pain and exhaustion from being severely depressed, suicidal, and trying to cope with erratic switches in mood which will occur randomly in seconds, minutes, hours, days and weeks is not worth living for. I would give anything for all the pain running through my head on a daily basis to stop.

I've been using this forum for months without an account and it has helped me tremendously - it is a brilliant community and it's a breath of fresh air to actually meet people that don't get absolutely freaked out or concerned by your view on being pro-choice as well as thoughts and desire to commit suicide. I finally decided to make an account and communicate with you all properly. l find that learning about suicide, true crime, reading forums about those kind of topics as well as listening to music about suicide and pain really helps soothe the pain and urges inside.

I just want to have the conclusion of my life in my own hands.

Thank you friends,

Biggie

 

[crazy1]

Hey, I'm 23 and from the UK.
I'm at university (surprisingly I've somehow made it to 3rd year) and I'm a little obsessed with animals.
I've had mental health problems since I was about 14 and my life's been a mess since then.
I'm terrified about leaving university and working as my mental health is bad right now and I don't know how I'm going to do it.
I keep wanting to die and feeling like I can do it. Hence me joining this forum, I'm bad at generally being a human and life is just painful.

 

[IdiotInTheMachine]

Hello everyone! I'm a 31 year old male, turning 32 at the end of the month. I was able to visit my parents for the first time in almost four years this past December, came at the beginning of the month after my S/O told me that I should see them before they passed. I flew 1250 miles away and two days after Christmas I got a letter from her saying that she was leaving me, taking the house, the dog, and my son as well as leaving me for my best friend/roommate that I have been friends with for 16 years. We had been together for 14 years, my entire adult life and it devastated me and I had a break down in January that landed me in an institution though when I got out I felt a bit better about life. Fast forward to the 16th of February I drove back home to get some more essentials and a few other things as well as to see my son, my brother and his son, and some of my family. I really thought we were going to reconcile but we didn't and on the 25 I got back in to town where my parents live. I was fine for a few days but Saturday I tried to hang myself and nearly succeeded. There was a doctor on the scene as well as my mother and they had to lift my body and remove the noose then resuscitate me. The doctor, my mom, and EMS all thought I was going to die so they airlifted me to a hospital in one of the major cities nearby and in transit they drilled a hole in the bone in my leg and fed a line in to artificially raise my blood pressure to keep me alive so I nearly succeeded. I only just got out of the psych ward today and they have me on a triple dose of Prozac (60 mg twice a day) and two anxiety medications (Vistiril and Atavan) but it doesn't seem to be working, which is unfortunate. I'm here for a less traumatic way to CTB or find some support and strength in this forum. Thanks for reading it all, be wonderful and I look forward to talking to all of you.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hello everyone!
I'm a female in her early 40s. From the UK! I'm Pagan and I live with my partner in London. I keep Cats, Tarantulas, Scorpions,Millipedes a Hissing Cockroach and Praying Mantids. I like photography, Herbalism, entomology, paranormal stuff, although I don't believe that the supernatural and paranormal is super or para! It's all natural! I'm polytheistic/panthiestic. I believe in nature as god and multiple gods too!
I lost my grandad to cancer when I was 9 and have never got over it as he was my hero! I've delt with mental illness ever since. I am a chronic insomniac and have GAD and BPD. As well as depression.
I love makeup and fashion, reading, walking and talking about deep stuff. I love Tokyo ghoul, japanese horror film, Korean revenge films and anything with zombies! I love comedy like Curb your Enthusiasm and The mighty Boosh. I like rave music especially Drum and bass. I'm also into politics , although I won't discuss it here. I loved Star wars(until Disney ruined it) and anything spacey. I like photography and I'm hoping for a career in it. I used to work in sales.

 

[SuicidalTrans]

Hey, as my username suggests I'm a suicidal trans person. I've been suicidal since I was 12 (I'm 23), I'm here because I feel like my life is falling apart and that my life is just going to get worse.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hey, as my username suggests I'm a suicidal trans person. I've been suicidal since I was 12 (I'm 23), I'm here because I feel like my life is falling apart and that my life is just going to get worse.

Hello. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way for so long. Have you discussed your feelings with anyone you can trust? Do you have a good counsellor or therapist? Or a close family member or friend? Hugs from me to you.

 

[SuicidalTrans]

Hello. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way for so long. Have you discussed your feelings with anyone you can trust? Do you have a good counsellor or therapist? Or a close family member or friend? Hugs from me to you.

Yeah, I have a close friend and a counsellor but I just feel like no one is actually listening to me or tells me that life get better, which is useless to me

 

[BlackPoppet]

Yeah, I have a close friend and a counsellor but I just feel like no one is actually listening to me or tells me that life get better, which is useless to me

I feel you there. I have a counsellor who iv e seen for a number of months and I kind of feel it's not getting any where. I think she is trying to give me the tools within therapy to make me try to make my life better. I haven't got it in me to really implement what she is trying to tell me. It's difficult to just pick myself up and move on with my life. It feels futile.
however I will try. I just don't know when.
life does get better. It does. Life can be really great! "Beauty lies on the other side of fear" You are young. You can be anything you want to be in life. Do you have any career goals?

 

[Arisa]

Arisa. I am a recovering suicidal person who is moving in with bf very soon to start a life together. I work a full-time job and in my spare time I like to lurk online and help people (if I can). Irl people think I am fine and my life is going great, but I don't see it. I'm hoping that I won't have to CTB.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Wiccan?

No Traditional Paganism/Traditional crafter. It's a style that takes any pantheon of Gods and Goddesses from the British Isles, or has had anything to do with the British Isles. E.g. Celtic, Roman, Norse, Anglo Saxon. It mixes it with Panthiesm which is that nature is God and exists within the universe. We believe that nature is the totality of everything that exists. We believe that there is no such thing as the supernatural and paranormal.....it's just natural and normal to us. We believe in spirits too. It's technically British Isles paganism. Also a shamanic element and ancestor reverence. We do not exactly worship nature, but we do revere it. In this path one can also ally themselves with Genus Loci ( Gods of the place) or lesser known gods. I'm am from the British Isles. I am half English, a quarter Irish and a quarter Welsh. So half Celtic and half Anglo Saxon. We believe that after we die we get a choice, to be a land weight ( land defender) or go to the spirit world. We do not worship our gods, but we revere them and see them as allies. We revere and celebrate them in the old fashioned way. In the style that they are accustomed to. We believe in Newtons law. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. We believe that nature is neutral. Not good, or bad.

Hii everyone.
Name's Khan Subhan (18), from India, I live with my family in Mumbai.

I have Sketching, Investing and Writing fiction (Sci-fi Fantasy) as my hobbies, and I run a small time story on Webnovel platform named "Elemental Dissonance". I also love hearing J-Rock and Heavy metal music, believe it or not it calms me.

I'm a Pharma student and an average guy.

I was depressed for the last two years, but it has gone very severe for the past 6 months or so. Which led me to have my Two failed attempts, one in November and the other one in February.

I have been a semi-lurker on this website. Talked to a few nice and wonderful people, all of them could relate to me and it has been a great journey till now.

Thanks for Reading this Ridiculous intro.

Nice to meet you Khan!

 

[Ksab]

No Traditional Paganism/Traditional crafter. It's a style that takes any pantheon of Gods and Goddesses from the British Isles, or has had anything to do with the British Isles. E.g. Celtic, Roman, Norse, Anglo Saxon. It mixes it with Panthiesm which is that nature is God and exists within the universe. We believe that nature is the totality of everything that exists. We believe that there is no such thing as the supernatural and paranormal.....it's just natural and normal to us. We believe in spirits too. It's technically British Isles paganism. Also a shamanic element and ancestor reverence. We do not exactly worship nature, but we do revere it. In this path one can also ally themselves with Genus Loci ( Gods of the place) or lesser known gods. I'm am from the British Isles. I am half English, a quarter Irish and a quarter Welsh. So half Celtic and half Anglo Saxon. We believe that after we die we get a choice, to be a land weight ( land defender) or go to the spirit world. We do not worship our gods, but we revere them and see them as allies. We revere and celebrate them in the old fashioned way. In the style that they are accustomed to. We believe in Newtons law. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. We believe that nature is neutral. Not good, or bad.

Nice to meet you Khan!

Nice to meet you too.
I've never heard of Traditional Paganism practise before, I've only interacted with Wiccans, Thelemites and Shamans and a few Luciferians before.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Nice to meet you too.
I've never heard of Traditional Paganism practise before, I've only interacted with Wiccans, Thelemites and Shamans and a few Luciferians before.

it's a niche practice. There's lots of different paths and styles within Paganism. I know Wiccans and they are lovely people! Very tolerant and friendly! Wow you know Shamans?! That's great!
other styles of Paganism include Asatru, Reconstructionism, Dianic Wicca, Eclecticism, Faery Wicca, Arthurian paganism, brujeria, Druidery, etc. Lots and lots of Pagan paths!
I dabbled with the Wicce (Wiccan) faith before I found this path of Trad Paganism! But found my calling with Trad Paganism. In this path we have male witches too. So quite gender egalitarian, which is great.
Before I was pagan I had been brought up Anglican protestant. Then I became agnostic/ Deist, then I found Paganism! Here I stay. I think the word Wiccan translates from the old Norse or Anglo Saxon to Wicce.....which translates to the word witch. Wicce=witch.
I forgot to add that the traditional part of Traditional Paganism that I was referencing to, is that my path is called Traditional British Isles paganism! That's why I called it Traditional.

 

[Ksab]

it's a niche practice. There's lots of different paths and styles within Paganism. I know Wiccans and they are lovely people! Very tolerant and friendly! Wow you know Shamans?! That's great!
other styles of Paganism include Asatru, Reconstructionism, Dianic Wicca, Eclecticism, Faery Wicca, Arthurian paganism, brujeria, Druidery, etc. Lots and lots of Pagan paths!
I dabbled with the Wicce (Wiccan) faith before I found this path of Trad Paganism! But found my calling with Trad Paganism. In this path we have male witches too. So quite gender egalitarian, which is great.
Before I was pagan I had been brought up Anglican protestant. Then I became agnostic/ Deist, then I found Paganism! Here I stay. I think the word Wiccan translates from the old Norse or Anglo Saxon to Wicce.....which translates to the word witch. Wicce=witch.

Yes, I know a few Shamans, I met them on a Discord server. I know of Old Religion of Wicca from Raven Grimassi's book 'The Wiccan Mysteries', it was a good read.
I had tried getting into any of the practise but I've been too depressed to do anything.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Yes, I know a few Shamans, I met them on a Discord server. I know of Old Religion of Wicca from Raven Grimassi's book 'The Wiccan Mysteries', it was a good read.
I had tried getting into any of the practise but I've been too depressed to do anything.

Yes I've been depressed most of my life. It's awful isn't it? If you want to get into any pagan practice, take your time and only do it if you are ready. Your mental health is important and one must look after their mental health. The know it's hard. I can't do a lot most of the time. I'm just happy to stare into space sometimes. Only explore any spiritual path when you are ready. Try not to bombard yourself with anything too taxing until you are ready! Depression is a nightmare at the best of times. I try to exercise, meditate ( going within, we call it) but I still feel awful a lot of the time. I wish nobody had to deal with depression!

 

[Cjaf]

Hello,
I'm a suicidal 30yr old from the Netherlands. Ex military and airline pilot. I suffer from depression and mixed personality disorders(found out a year ago).
Ex fiance broke up with me a few days ago because of my mental health issues. It hurts but it's also a relieve. One thing less to worry about and since I think I won't make 31, we didn't have a future anyway.
I've been in and out of therapy for years and always wanted to fight for a better future but I'm tired. I'm not ready to end my life yet but I know it will be soon.
Until then I'll try to spend time with friends, family and my two guinea pigs.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Yes I've been depressed most of my life. It's awful isn't it? If you want to get into any pagan practice, take your time and only do it if you are ready. Your mental health is important and one must look after their mental health. The know it's hard. I can't do a lot most of the time. I'm just happy to stare into space sometimes. Only explore any spiritual path when you are ready. Try not to bombard yourself with anything too taxing until you are ready! Depression is a nightmare at the best of times. I try to exercise, meditate ( going within, we call it) but I still feel awful a lot of the time. I wish nobody had to deal with depression!

Hello,
I'm a suicidal 30yr old from the Netherlands. Ex military and airline pilot. I suffer from depression and mixed personality disorders(found out a year ago).
Ex fiance broke up with me a few days ago because of my mental health issues. It hurts but it's also a relieve. One thing less to worry about and since I think I won't make 31, we didn't have a future anyway.
I've been in and out of therapy for years and always wanted to fight for a better future but I'm tired. I'm not ready to end my life yet but I know it will be soon.
Until then I'll try to spend time with friends, family and my two guinea pigs.

it's nice to meet you!

 

[Pandu]

Hola
Me gustan los gatos, estudio un técnico auxiliar en enfermería, espero que por favor alguien me entienda, Necesito ayuda, pondré en práctica el SN, solo en unos meses...

 

[Eden4]

Hello. I am new here. I was a regular on alt.suicide.holiday back in the early 2000's. I got better. It actually isn't as if I can say "I fought to get better" I just got better by making one decision at a time.

Now I got worse again, again by making one decision at a time. I made terrible choices, not purposely not to self-sabbatoge. I was doing really well. I kept normal friendships, I graduated college with honors, I got a really good job, I started graduate school.

With one bad decision at a time, I watched myself from afar. Like watching your favorite character in tv or a movie suddenly leave their character arc and you hate the writers (GoT anyone?)

I was fired from my job, I relocated to a place I hate and I relocated without securing a job first. No one is hiring me. I spent all my money for this move. More bad decisions were made also but I won't go into it all.

I read some people here are waiting for their parents to die before they ctb. I am waiting for my dog to die. She is 14 and has chronic health issues. I promised I would never leave her in this earth to know what cruelty it is to be alone and unloved. So I am staying until she dies. As long as she enjoys life, as long as I can keep feeding her, giving her her medications, providing love, safety and shelter for her.

I am in my 30's. If I had a timeline it would read: she's born, there's a lot of suffering in childhood to young adult, some success found looks like she's going to make it, oh crap.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hello. I am new here. I was a regular on alt.suicide.holiday back in the early 2000's. I got better. It actually isn't as if I can say "I fought to get better" I just got better by making one decision at a time.

Now I got worse again, again by making one decision at a time. I made terrible choices, not purposely not to self-sabbatoge. I was doing really well. I kept normal friendships, I graduated college with honors, I got a really good job, I started graduate school.

With one bad decision at a time, I watched myself from afar. Like watching your favorite character in tv or a movie suddenly leave their character arc and you hate the writers (GoT anyone?)

I was fired from my job, I relocated to a place I hate and I relocated without securing a job first. No one is hiring me. I spent all my money for this move. More bad decisions were made also but I won't go into it all.

I read some people here are waiting for their parents to die before they ctb. I am waiting for my dog to die. She is 14 and has chronic health issues. I promised I would never leave her in this earth to know what cruelty it is to be alone and unloved. So I am staying until she dies. As long as she enjoys life, as long as I can keep feeding her, giving her her medications, providing love, safety and shelter for her.

I am in my 30's. If I had a timeline it would read: she's born, there's a lot of suffering in childhood to young adult, some success found looks like she's going to make it, oh crap.

Hello! It's nice to meet you!

 

[palatinus]

Hola
Me gustan los gatos, estudio un técnico auxiliar en enfermería, espero que por favor alguien me entienda, Necesito ayuda, pondré en práctica el SN, solo en unos meses...

Hay unos aquí quienes podemos comprenderte. Que es la problema que tienes con SN?

 

[Naki]

I've been here for a while now and while I do not feel like writing an elaborate self-introduction, here are some points to get a rough overview:
-24 year old male living in Germany, adamant on not making it to 25
-Hobbies are anime/manga, video games, riding my bike, enjoy nature
-Suffer from severe depression- and anxiety disorder, among other mental issues
-Ugly as fuck with several physical health issues as well
-Socially isolated all my life, until this day never had any friends or romance
-Work life is tedious and boring at best and a stressful hell at worst, unfulfilling either way
-Many, many other things
Basically, my life fucking sucks for 24 years and then I die.