Introduce yourself

[DarkTear]

Hey friend! We may not fit in the world, but you sure fit in here! I feel you on social interactions. I've had none irl in 6 months!

Me too. I'm on sick leave since April, so the only interactions I had was with my family. But (luckily) they can't understand my feelings and just annoy me with their "motivation speeches", so I literally stopped talking to anyone.

 

[GloomySunday79]

You did! The off topics section is less active then the main board, so it may take a little bit to get a reply, but I guarantee I'm not the only user that checks this thread once in awhile.

Thank you Ben. I'm new and really trying to figuring it all out.

 

[Ben]

Me too. I'm on sick leave since April, so the only interactions I had was with my family. But (luckily) they can't understand my feelings and just annoy me with their "motivation speeches", so I literally stopped talking to anyone.

Yup. It's almost comical how quick people are to throw cookie cutter advice at you, when we have all already heard all of that bullshit x10 already. I just cut them out. There is nothing I can say to them that will
Make them understand, so I say nothing in the hopes they'll understand when I'm gone.

 

[Ben]

Thank you Ben. I'm new and really trying to figuring it all out.

I was new here 2 days ago friend. I'm used to online forum interfaces because I've always been addicted to the internet...but, this place is very easy to navigate after you spend some time here. Throw your 2 cents into every thread that you have an opinion about. The way this site works, it does not matter how old the post is, if you reply to it, it will be the top forum in all of our feeds, so its likely to been seen. Genius format I must say.

 

[NOISYMIND]

Me too. I'm on sick leave since April, so the only interactions I had was with my family. But (luckily) they can't understand my feelings and just annoy me with their "motivation speeches", so I literally stopped talking to anyone.

Same here. I don't know what to say to them so I stay quiet now. And obviously they don't really care even I've locked myself in the room for days. It shouldn't be too difficult for me to ctb...

 

[Deleted member 847]

Hello comrades. I'm kinda old. I guess most of you know me already.

 

[Nofaith]

Hi All,
I'm 36 year old female living in the UK. I have been suffering with depression and suicidal ideation since 13. I have tried CBT and I've been on countless medications (in fact I was on antidepressants for my entire teens). Over the last 10 years I started to develop social anxiety and I've been sort of housebound since. I've lost touch with all of my friends and I only speak to immediate family members. I have no one to confide in, not even just to vent. I can't talk to family members because it becomes about how my feelings are upsetting them, so I bottle it up.

I'm at home with my parents and it's driving me up the wall and them up the wall. But with no money, there's no way out. I volunteer at the moment but finding it hard to just be out and around people. I also suffer with intense anger and self loathing. I would really wanting to be working full time just so I can get my own place. This accommodation situation is making things worse but because things are worse, I can't cope outdoors. It's just a vicious cycle. I used to self harm up until about the age of 30 but stopped when I stopped getting relief from it.

I have overdosed twice but the last time was more about just wanting a few days of peace and quiet and stop my mind from ruminating. I get sick looking at people my age who love life, when I hate (I don't think that'a a strong enough word) mine. I wish more than anything I had done more in my youth when things were not so bad. I never realised that when things really start to fall apart at 26, that my life would be put on hold and I'd get stuck. The more time I spend thinking about what could have been, the more the present passes me by.

I guess I'm here to be able to express my real feelings and just talk to people in the same boat. I'm trying to avoid that usual BS spiel about how things will get better... blah blah blah. I hate that crap so much.

So that's me in a nutshell (poor choice of words... oh well).

 

[Desperate_Soul]

Welcome! I hope you enjoy your stay here. You can vent, ask questions, talk all things suicide, and more! but most importantly, you can be yourself here. I hope to see your name more around the forum!

 

[Nofaith]

Welcome! I hope you enjoy your stay here. You can vent, ask questions, talk all things suicide, and more! but most importantly, you can be yourself here. I hope to see your name more around the forum!

Thank you :)

 

[NOISYMIND]

Hi All,
I'm 36 year old female living in the UK. I have been suffering with depression and suicidal ideation since 13. I have tried CBT and I've been on countless medications (in fact I was on antidepressants for my entire teens). Over the last 10 years I started to develop social anxiety and I've been sort of housebound since. I've lost touch with all of my friends and I only speak to immediate family members. I have no one to confide in, not even just to vent. I can't talk to family members because it becomes about how my feelings are upsetting them, so I bottle it up.

I'm at home with my parents and it's driving me up the wall and them up the wall. But with no money, there's no way out. I volunteer at the moment but finding it hard to just be out and around people. I also suffer with intense anger and self loathing. I would really wanting to be working full time just so I can get my own place. This accommodation situation is making things worse but because things are worse, I can't cope outdoors. It's just a vicious cycle. I used to self harm up until about the age of 30 but stopped when I stopped getting relief from it.

I have overdosed twice but the last time was more about just wanting a few days of peace and quiet and stop my mind from ruminating. I get sick looking at people my age who love life, when I hate (I don't think that'a a strong enough word) mine. I wish more than anything I had done more in my youth when things were not so bad. I never realised that when things really start to fall apart at 26, that my life would be put on hold and I'd get stuck. The more time I spend thinking about what could have been, the more the present passes me by.

I guess I'm here to be able to express my real feelings and just talk to people in the same boat. I'm trying to avoid that usual BS spiel about how things will get better... blah blah blah. I hate that crap so much.

So that's me in a nutshell (poor choice of words... oh well).

I can relate to your feelings. Part of our lives are very similar and yes it's just like a vicious circle and I can't see the end. Things have gone worse than ever that I have no choice but giving up.

You are more than welcome here and whether you decide to CTB or not, I hope you find your peace soon! :)

 

[Swisher]

I have no problem backing that up. Think back to your earliest memories...did you want to kill yourself when you got your favourite toy on your birthday?

The want to die is not a natural inheritance we are forced to expose to our offspring. If that was the case, Humas wouldn't be at the top of the food chain.

I fuckinf refuse to believe life is inherently pointless. What is stopping you from becoming a mass murderer if you think all you're doing is a kindness

To deny the fact life has value discredits the very reason to even post here. You wanna die? Go die. There is not requirement that makes you justify your death to other people.

Do I think life gives equal opportunities at success? Hell fucking no, some people just get the short stick...

But in my last few days on earth, I don't want to leave a legacy that encourages other people to end their lives. You know what? If I can change YOUR MIND with MY WORDS... sorry, but you weren't serious.

If I had no faith in life belong to a beneficial outcome to ANYBODY? I would become a mass murderer and expect nothing but thank you's from the people I spared.

Oh my God, I just saw this. I'd gladly pay you to take me out! I know that's not what You're saying but I can't stand today!

Not for dinner. You know...out out....despite you're real reluctance etc...

 

[Obih]

Hi, I'm 22 and I just had the most intense experience of my life about a month and couple days ago. I came from a very abusive family and I had no autonomy at all, I was like a property to my family where they abused me physically and mentally all my life. I tried ctb twice when I was alone and luckily I didn't get caught or "saved" otherwise I would've been doomed by then.
Since I didn't have much personal space or freedom I thought of giving life a chance and I runaway after contacting many sources, one of them being the friend I'm staying with right now. I thought this would be the end of it but it only got worst for me mentally, especially as I'm trying to reach out to others for help and useless attempts at rebuilding my life, but I feel nothing came out of all of this.
I don't regret running away, but my life just came to an end and I have no one else to reach out too. Some of those promises of helping me re-owning my life came to dust. So I made up my mind to give myself a forceful shut down before I end up homeless and god knows what else.
I'm here basically to plan well before another failed attempt occurs.

 

[Nofaith]

Hi, I'm 22 and I just had the most intense experience of my life about a month and couple days ago. I came from a very abusive family and I had no autonomy at all, I was like a property to my family where they abused me physically and mentally all my life. I tried ctb twice when I was alone and luckily I didn't get caught or "saved" otherwise I would've been doomed by then.
Since I didn't have much personal space or freedom I thought of giving life a chance and I runaway after contacting many sources, one of them being the friend I'm staying with right now. I thought this would be the end of it but it only got worst for me mentally, especially as I'm trying to reach out to others for help and useless attempts at rebuilding my life, but I feel nothing came out of all of this.
I don't regret running away, but my life just came to an end and I have no one else to reach out too. Some of those promises of helping me re-owning my life came to dust. So I made up my mind to give myself a forceful shut down before I end up homeless and god knows what else.
I'm here basically to plan well before another failed attempt occurs.

Welcome Obih,
I hope you find whatever you need here.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

Hi, I'm 22 and I just had the most intense experience of my life about a month and couple days ago. I came from a very abusive family and I had no autonomy at all, I was like a property to my family where they abused me physically and mentally all my life. I tried ctb twice when I was alone and luckily I didn't get caught or "saved" otherwise I would've been doomed by then.
Since I didn't have much personal space or freedom I thought of giving life a chance and I runaway after contacting many sources, one of them being the friend I'm staying with right now. I thought this would be the end of it but it only got worst for me mentally, especially as I'm trying to reach out to others for help and useless attempts at rebuilding my life, but I feel nothing came out of all of this.
I don't regret running away, but my life just came to an end and I have no one else to reach out too. Some of those promises of helping me re-owning my life came to dust. So I made up my mind to give myself a forceful shut down before I end up homeless and god knows what else.
I'm here basically to plan well before another failed attempt occurs.

Welcome to the SS forum, Obih! This site is very informative about all things suicide, so I hope you are able to devise a successful master plan that will lead you to a peaceful destination! Can't wait to see your name more around the forums. :)

 

[NOISYMIND]

Hi, I'm 22 and I just had the most intense experience of my life about a month and couple days ago. I came from a very abusive family and I had no autonomy at all, I was like a property to my family where they abused me physically and mentally all my life. I tried ctb twice when I was alone and luckily I didn't get caught or "saved" otherwise I would've been doomed by then.
Since I didn't have much personal space or freedom I thought of giving life a chance and I runaway after contacting many sources, one of them being the friend I'm staying with right now. I thought this would be the end of it but it only got worst for me mentally, especially as I'm trying to reach out to others for help and useless attempts at rebuilding my life, but I feel nothing came out of all of this.
I don't regret running away, but my life just came to an end and I have no one else to reach out too. Some of those promises of helping me re-owning my life came to dust. So I made up my mind to give myself a forceful shut down before I end up homeless and god knows what else.
I'm here basically to plan well before another failed attempt occurs.

Welcome to the forum Obih!
I haven't been active much but this place is an oasis to me. I hope you feel comfortable being here and find everything you need for peace! :)

 

[asiansouljah]

Hey Everyone,

My name is Sae. I'm 40, an American of Korean descent and a life long resident of Los Angeles, CA. I suffer from depression and suicidal ideations. I'm not a doctor but, if I had to classify it. It would be Major Depressive Disorder.

I used to be a member of ASH. A Yahoo group. They only had a few hundred members. Not like this place. I'm so glad I found this site.

 

[Maravillosa]

Hey Everyone,

My name is Sae. I'm 40, an American of Korean descent and a life long resident of Los Angeles, CA. I suffer from depression and suicidal ideations. I'm not a doctor but, if I had to classify it. It would be Major Depressive Disorder.

I used to be a member of ASH. A Yahoo group. They only had a few hundred members. Not like this place. I'm so glad I found this site.

Welcome asiansouljah/Sae! I think that many of the people here are younger than you (I will turn 52 on Sunday, September 23), but they do not mind relatively older people like us

I also have lived in Southern California my entire life. My psych diagnoses are persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia), major depressive disorder with psychotic features, and PTSD.

Anyway, welcome again! ☺

 

[asiansouljah]

Welcome asiansouljah/Sae! I think that many of the people here are younger than you (I will turn 52 on Sunday, September 23), but they do not mind relatively older people like us

I also have lived in Southern California my entire life. My psych diagnoses are persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia), major depressive disorder with psychotic features, and PTSD.

Anyway, welcome again! ☺

Thanks. So, you're a fellow Golden Stater. That's cool. I hate this place. The cost of living is too damn high. Only one thing is keeping me here. The weather. It's perfect. We're in the Goldilocks Zone.

 

[Ben]

Hi, I'm 22 and I just had the most intense experience of my life about a month and couple days ago. I came from a very abusive family and I had no autonomy at all, I was like a property to my family where they abused me physically and mentally all my life. I tried ctb twice when I was alone and luckily I didn't get caught or "saved" otherwise I would've been doomed by then.
Since I didn't have much personal space or freedom I thought of giving life a chance and I runaway after contacting many sources, one of them being the friend I'm staying with right now. I thought this would be the end of it but it only got worst for me mentally, especially as I'm trying to reach out to others for help and useless attempts at rebuilding my life, but I feel nothing came out of all of this.
I don't regret running away, but my life just came to an end and I have no one else to reach out too. Some of those promises of helping me re-owning my life came to dust. So I made up my mind to give myself a forceful shut down before I end up homeless and god knows what else.
I'm here basically to plan well before another failed attempt occurs.

Nice to meet you :)

 

[Ben]

Hey Everyone,

My name is Sae. I'm 40, an American of Korean descent and a life long resident of Los Angeles, CA. I suffer from depression and suicidal ideations. I'm not a doctor but, if I had to classify it. It would be Major Depressive Disorder.

I used to be a member of ASH. A Yahoo group. They only had a few hundred members. Not like this place. I'm so glad I found this site.

Hello Sae! welcome!

 

[zadig777]

I'm 35 year old woman..

Was stupidly put on a drug meant for severe depression when I bloody didn't have it before..enter a 16 year nightamre of drug side effects but Every time I came off few months later I mysteriously had clinical depression severe anxiety I didn't have before. Took me all of 16 yrs to figure out was the bloody drugs. They switched me to another to try and come off first and after 16 years of struggle I had a severe reaction to the second drug. Somethjng FRIED away in brain and life has been absolute torture since. Three years now. Before this happened even though I struggled still had interests felt had future some sort of life. I haven't been able to feel life exists for three years now except occasional "glimpse" that its still there.

hello sry to hear this
im in a similar situation due to antidepressants
i have PSSD(persistent sexual dysfunction after stopping antidepresants) for months now
what drug caused u the suffering
im pretty shure it was an antipsychotic or AD
regards

 

[zadig777]

hello all
im a 21 yr old male from the Balkans
i had the perfect life till my 19 when i got anxiety manifested with physical symptoms only(air hunger,palpitations,etc..)
i went to a psychiatrist in my 20s when they gave me different antidepressants for anxiety and benzos.
The AD only caused me sexual problems,while the lorazepam(benzo) was the perfect drug for me.
I tried 5-6 different drugs,and the last one was trazodone which i took only 3 pills and after i stopped all AD i got testicular pain,shrunk testicles,no errection,no libido,no energy,no buzz from alcohol,restless leg syndrom...

There is no known treatment for this and psychiatrist and psychologist think its in my head
Im emotionally flat and destroyed and wanna end it,since i feel its my moral duty to my self,since all my life i have been the most intellectual,fine looking and great and fun guy to be around with raging libido and lust for life.
I dont wanna live my life looking at the other average shitholess-whom i was like god to them a few months ago,having sex,enjoying life,while i cant sleep,cant love and cry all the time for my past.
Atm im only watching series and movies on my laptop,and while i take a break from that i cant stop but cry in anger knowing its the end of me
I cry because of the pleasure i lost my self,and cry about the loss of my family

Im hoping to find the most suitable method first,and than the guts to do it and i have to do it fast
Regards

 

[Kim]

Hi @all

I was a quiet reader... but today I decided to create a account. I think it's a nice place to stay for a while.

I'm 34y old and depressive since 15 years. There're good and bad days... the last year the bad days became more and more dominant. My thoughts rotate every day on ctb. Without my friend I'm sure - I allready ctb for a while.
I think in this world is no place for me anymore.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

Hi @all

I was a quiet reader... but today I decided to create a account. I think it's a nice place to stay for a while.

I'm 34y old and depressive since 15 years. There're good and bad days... the last year the bad days became more and more dominant. My thoughts rotate every day on ctb. Without my friend I'm sure - I allready ctb for a while.
I think in this world is no place for me anymore.

Hi, Kim! Yay! You've finally poked your head out of your shell! Now you can join in and engage on all the fun things around this forum! I hope you have fun interacting with people on here - I know I do! Hope to see your name around this forum more! :)

 

[Kim]

Now you can join in and engage on all the fun things around this forum! I hope you have fun interacting with people on here - I know I do!

Thx a lot. Funny things O_O - I'm curious :P

 

[Gengogakusha]

Hi. I've been a lurking member for a little while but I thought I might as well finally introduce myself.

I'm 26-years-old, female, from the UK. I have clinical anxiety, depression, psychosis and bulimia nervosa. Every day is a living hell.

I used to have a passion for languages, which led me to study Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Turkish, Norwegian and more. I have worked as an interpreter in the past but now I am unemployed because I am a total disaster of a mess. I have played video games since I was old enough to hold a console controller and play games of all genres, but I can't even enjoy gaming anymore the way I used to. It's pretty hard to feel excited about anything. My boyfriend and my mum are keeping me here at the moment but I guess I just wanted a place where I can say what I want in regards to my suicidal thoughts and desires without fear of judgement, so I signed up.

Sorry if this was rambly. But I am a rambler.

So yeah, that's me. Hello everyone.

 

[zadig777]

Hi. I've been a lurking member for a little while but I thought I might as well finally introduce myself.

I'm 26-years-old, female, from the UK. I have clinical anxiety, depression, psychosis and bulimia nervosa. Every day is a living hell.

I used to have a passion for languages, which led me to study Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Turkish, Norwegian and more. I have worked as an interpreter in the past but now I am unemployed because I am a total disaster of a mess. I have played video games since I was old enough to hold a console controller and play games of all genres, but I can't even enjoy gaming anymore the way I used to. It's pretty hard to feel excited about anything. My boyfriend and my mum are keeping me here at the moment but I guess I just wanted a place where I can say what I want in regards to my suicidal thoughts and desires without fear of judgement, so I signed up.

Sorry if this was rambly. But I am a rambler.

So yeah, that's me. Hello everyone.

hi sry to hear about ur mental health disorders
what medications have u tried in the past
benzos are the best medication i ever received in my life,while AD destroyed my life
i would suggest u medicate ur self with benzo + alcohol for anxiety and depression and avoid anti-psychotics since they can induce bigger hell than the psychosis itself
replay back if u wanna discus

 

[Gengogakusha]

hi sry to hear about ur mental health disorders
what medications have u tried in the past
benzos are the best medication i ever received in my life,while AD destroyed my life
i would suggest u medicate ur self with benzo + alcohol for anxiety and depression and avoid anti-psychotics since they can induce bigger hell than the psychosis itself
replay back if u wanna discus

Hi
I have tried Citalopram and Sertraline for anxiety and depression. Citalopram gave me restless leg syndrome, some problems with sexual arousal and a very dry mouth so the doctor changed my meds to Sertraline which doesn't give me any side effects that I've noticed. It's doing absolutely nothing for my anxiety and depression though. I feel as anxious and depressed as always.
I take anti-psychotics (Risperidone) for my psychosis because I hear voices. It helps a lot because I used to hear them all the time but now I hear then occasionally throughout the day. It's a tranquiliser so it makes me sleep more and for longer. I'm getting 11-12 hours sleep per night and that is good with me because being awake is so painful.

 

[zadig777]

Hi
I have tried Citalopram and Sertraline for anxiety and depression. Citalopram gave me restless leg syndrome, some problems with sexual arousal and a very dry mouth so the doctor changed my meds to Sertraline which doesn't give me any side effects that I've noticed. It's doing absolutely nothing for my anxiety and depression though. I feel as anxious and depressed as always.
I take anti-psychotics (Risperidone) for my psychosis because I hear voices. It helps a lot because I used to hear them all the time but now I hear then occasionally throughout the day. It's a tranquiliser so it makes me sleep more and for longer. I'm getting 11-12 hours sleep per night and that is good with me because being awake is so painful.

whats whe big problem if the meds work for ur psychosis?
for anxiety take clonazepam daily
and for depression-nothing
i lost all my sexual function after stopping AD treatment and im left with RLS also
im months off any meds and i got my life destroyed

 

[Jim]

Hello all.
I've been lurking for the past few hours after a search of the internet for accidental suicide, until I stumbled across this site and got lost within.
I'm a 25m from Australia that's tired of repeating the same day and feelings. My life growing up was meh, personal things I wish not to share.
Mostly in my spare time I just sit at my desk playing some mmorpg, stare at the walls and I recently got back into writing. (short vents/poetry)