Introduce yourself

[AndyCurious]

Hi Andrew, i like your avatar, and I also can relate to being a failure and an annoyance,

I also really like your avatar

Thank you :)

 

[Swisher]

I like candy

I'm so glad that you are actually moving because at first I thought I was hallucinating... also cool by-the-way.

 

[Kirakishou]

hello, my name is mellissa
how do you do?
ive lived 17 years of wasted life

 

[Dead Meat]

hello, my name is mellissa
how do you do?
ive lived 17 years of wasted life

Hello Mellissa and welcome to the forum

 

[Kirakishou]

thankyou very much^^

 

[Tomo]

Hello everyone.
I'm not exactly good with intros but I'll give it a shot. Basically, I'm just a 21 year old failure in life who might as well be a NEET at this point. I went to university but my struggles with depression and anxiety kept me from pursuing what I really wanted to do with my life. I'm not a people person at all and I like being alone just listening to music or something. My problems started way before university though. I've been a social failure ever since I was young and have attempted to end my life several times in the past. I don't like seeming like this burden to people who bother to be close to me. I wish I had the strength to end it so everyone can just move on. I can hardly look at myself anymore at this rate. Even if I were to erase the mistakes I made in the past, I'm still me. As a member of the subreddit, I'm no stranger to discussing death intimately and I've lost a few people from there who I considered friends. But in the end, I lose my friends anyway because I can't keep them. I'm convinced I'm cursed to live the rest of my life without a single true relationship with anyone outside of my house. I only go through the motions with life now. Because I know I'm going to say something wrong and end up alone again. I know that when I try to pick up my life again something will stop me. I wonder what's even the point to this futile dance. But, I digress. Anyways it's nice to see sanctioned lives on through this forum now and it's nice to meet everyone. I'm open to discussing stuff so don't be shy.

 

[Philip]

hello, my name is mellissa
how do you do?
ive lived 17 years of wasted life

Hi Mellissa welcome.....

 

[Philip]

Hi Andrew, I also can somewhat relate on being a failure and an annoyance. I wish you all the best and all the peace you can get :)

I definitely always feel like a failure and an annoyance to everyone

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Hello everyone.
I'm not exactly good with intros but I'll give it a shot. Basically, I'm just a 21 year old failure in life who might as well be a NEET at this point. I went to university but my struggles with depression and anxiety kept me from pursuing what I really wanted to do with my life. I'm not a people person at all and I like being alone just listening to music or something. My problems started way before university though. I've been a social failure ever since I was young and have attempted to end my life several times in the past. I don't like seeming like this burden to people who bother to be close to me. I wish I had the strength to end it so everyone can just move on. I can hardly look at myself anymore at this rate. Even if I were to erase the mistakes I made in the past, I'm still me. As a member of the subreddit, I'm no stranger to discussing death intimately and I've lost a few people from there who I considered friends. But in the end, I lose my friends anyway because I can't keep them. I'm convinced I'm cursed to live the rest of my life without a single true relationship with anyone outside of my house. I only go through the motions with life now. Because I know I'm going to say something wrong and end up alone again. I know that when I try to pick up my life again something will stop me. I wonder what's even the point to this futile dance. But, I digress. Anyways it's nice to see sanctioned lives on through this forum now and it's nice to meet everyone. I'm open to discussing stuff so don't be shy.

Hey Tomo, welcome! I'm sorry that your depression and anxiety hindered you from doing something you love, I can imagine that's heartbreaking. I also love staying and home and listening to music, especially late at night, it's like a refuge. And I also am not a people's person, so the social struggles sure are real. "Because I know I'm going to say something wrong and end up alone again" this is what I experience with everyone I know. The bottling up of feelings and keeping a cover is damn exhausting sometimes. I hope this forum can help you express yourself with less restriction. Death sure is interesting, and I think a lot about it too. I wish you all the peace you can get :)

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Then I guess sadly both of us can relate....but thanks for responding. It made my day :)

I definitely always feel like a failure and an annoyance to everyone

 

[Mara]

Hi SS.

I had no idea sites like this exist. I do not want to burden anyone in my life anymore. I had so much potential to be great except without fail I always mess it up. Every single relationship I encounter I mess it up. I've managed to mess all my great jobs, relationship with friends and last boyfriend, never close to family, and now am extremely lonely. I'm satisfied with leaving at the age of 30 before I mess things up more. I've already attempted to ctb twice and failed. Probably can't even get a decent job anymore with background checks and all. I've just been in bed for the past few weeks thinking of ways to ctb. So hello SS, I hope everyone finds what they are looking for here.

 

[Philip]

Hi SS.

I had no idea sites like this exist. I do not want to burden anyone in my life anymore. I had so much potential to be great except without fail I always mess it up. Every single relationship I encounter I mess it up. I've managed to mess all my great jobs, relationship with friends and last boyfriend, never close to family, and now am extremely lonely. I'm satisfied with leaving at the age of 30 before I mess things up more. I've already attempted to ctb twice and failed. Probably can't even get a decent job anymore with background checks and all. I've just been in bed for the past few weeks thinking of ways to ctb. So hello SS, I hope everyone finds what they are looking for here.

Welcome and I hope you find what you are looking for too hugs

 

[Tomo]

Hey Tomo, welcome! I'm sorry that your depression and anxiety hindered you from doing something you love, I can imagine that's heartbreaking. I also love staying and home and listening to music, especially late at night, it's like a refuge. And I also am not a people's person, so the social struggles sure are real. "Because I know I'm going to say something wrong and end up alone again" this is what I experience with everyone I know. The bottling up of feelings and keeping a cover is damn exhausting sometimes. I hope this forum can help you express yourself with less restriction. Death sure is interesting, and I think a lot about it too. I wish you all the peace you can get :)

Thank you Weeping, I read your earlier post in this thread and I wish you peace as well.

 

[Swisher]

hello, my name is mellissa
how do you do?
ive lived 17 years of wasted life

Hello, I think I could be old enough to be your Mom if I started early! Maybe not so early! Welcome

 

[Swisher]

Hello everyone.
I'm not exactly good with intros but I'll give it a shot. Basically, I'm just a 21 year old failure in life who might as well be a NEET at this point. I went to university but my struggles with depression and anxiety kept me from pursuing what I really wanted to do with my life. I'm not a people person at all and I like being alone just listening to music or something. My problems started way before university though. I've been a social failure ever since I was young and have attempted to end my life several times in the past. I don't like seeming like this burden to people who bother to be close to me. I wish I had the strength to end it so everyone can just move on. I can hardly look at myself anymore at this rate. Even if I were to erase the mistakes I made in the past, I'm still me. As a member of the subreddit, I'm no stranger to discussing death intimately and I've lost a few people from there who I considered friends. But in the end, I lose my friends anyway because I can't keep them. I'm convinced I'm cursed to live the rest of my life without a single true relationship with anyone outside of my house. I only go through the motions with life now. Because I know I'm going to say something wrong and end up alone again. I know that when I try to pick up my life again something will stop me. I wonder what's even the point to this futile dance. But, I digress. Anyways it's nice to see sanctioned lives on through this forum now and it's nice to meet everyone. I'm open to discussing stuff so don't be shy.

You should discuss too... I like to listen and I don't think you can say much wrong around here...btw, queen of typos...my phone is fading fast and a new one of the same type its WHAT I WANT! I don't think it's wrong to love my phone...

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Thank you Weeping, I read your earlier post in this thread and I wish you peace as well.

Thank you very much, Tomo

 

[Bedandbored]

Hello. I'm probably old enough to be most of your mothers (40s). On here after an abusive relationship with someone with NPD which sucked the life out of me, into HIV diagnosis and unemployment. Other stuff I won't bore anyone with. I have a partner with BPD who tried to ctb a couple of years ago and is now doing amazingly well so can't offload my issues onto them. And a teenager I think the world of and feel a duty to seesinto adulthood. But feel very weary with life, don't relate to other people's enthusiasm for it and appreciate this as a place I can be honest.

 

[Nik]

This is me http://www.modthesims.info/m/422282

 

[Motherfly]

Late twenties from the french part of Canada.
I'm living with chronic pain in both my shoulders and upper back for two years now. It is absolute constant pain at EVERY single seconds of my life now. Its taken a mental toll on me, nothing is pretty anymore, nothing is interesting, nothing smells nice, you get the idea. Life is pain.

It destroyed friendships, relations, my enjoyment of sex, gaming, reading. I don't even appreciate smoking a simple cigarette anymore.

Im not even depressed. I just can't fucking live like this anymore, I need to put an end to this misery, or its gonna eat even more of my soul.

 

[The Blackangel]

Ave all

As the name states, I am The Blackangel. I'm 36 and from Missouri. I came across this site from hearing about it on a YouTube video. I checked it out, and it sounded like something I would be interested in. So here I am. I've never been good at introductions, so this post will probably suck.

I've ran a few websites and forums over the years, some fairly successful, others not so much. Not sure why. Maybe it's just a lack of notoriety or something.

I do need to mention that I tend to ramble a lot. And once I get on a rant I never shut up. it gets on peoples nerve. A lot. But it's something I just can't help.

I don't know what else to say about myself. If you're curious just ask.


Also I'm curious about something. Why are there only 3 boards? Is that something that is with newbies?

 

[Motherfly]

I'm older than dirt, in failing health, not depressed....but fed up with what this world is coming to. Yah, being fed up is not sufficient reason to CTB, but coping with various incurable physical problems on my own is getting to be a bit much. No, rather a lot much. I have my N. but am not quite ready to be dead. Yet. But I see the inevitable looming on the horizon and hope I'll have the courage to do what has to be done when the time is right. Not afraid of a non-existent after-life, more worried about screwing up and ending up in the clutches of the Medical Industry. Do it once, do it right. I hope.

I can't message you for some reason...
Just wanted to tell you I totally get what it is. Been having chronic pain for two years now.

 

[Swisher]

Hello. I'm probably old enough to be most of your mothers (40s). On here after an abusive relationship with someone with NPD which sucked the life out of me, into HIV diagnosis and unemployment. Other stuff I won't bore anyone with. I have a partner with BPD who tried to ctb a couple of years ago and is now doing amazingly well so can't offload my issues onto them. And a teenager I think the world of and feel a duty to seesinto adulthood. But feel very weary with life, don't relate to other people's enthusiasm for it and appreciate this as a place I can be honest.

You're kind of amazing!

 

[Swisher]

This is me http://www.modthesims.info/m/422282

WELL COOL!

 

[Marty McFly]

Hello. I'm a recent graduate from NYU. I moved from a suburb of AZ because I had to get out of that state. I thought things would get better once I got out. I never really fit in as a kid. I knew that things were different about me but I couldn't put my finger on it. I grew up in an extremely sheltered religious environment. My parents took "spare the rod and spoil the child" a little too seriously. We were always that house in the neighborhood that had children screaming in it. Many times CPS was called on my house, but nothing was ever done. I didn't really know what gay was except for that it was reprehensible. I only figured it out what it was once there were rumors about me being gay.

I figured I was gay when I was in 8th grade. It made sense. I was having fantasies about my male teachers. It took me a few years, but I was so terrified I told my parents. I had been cutting and starving myself. My parents flipped when I told them. I was sent to conversion therapy for two years. I wanted to change but quickly realized it was bullshit. My conversion therapist turned out to be a creep. So I lied and told everyone I was healed. I was always smart, but I worked even harder to get out of AZ.

Getting to NYC was a dream come true, but I was already disappointed because I couldn't get into any of the Ivy's. I studied Chemical Engineering, which I excelled at, at first. But halfway through my problems caught up to me. I had to see someone. So I went to get mental help. For two years I went, took typical SSRI's, but nothing worked. Then one Christmas I got outed to my family. They disowned me. I had no money. I couldn't pay for school because they wouldn't take out the loans. I had to prostitute myself to pay for food and school. I was homeless for a little while. I graduated, but I barely. I really gave up on my classes the last two years. Never got experience and I couldn't get a career job beyond the three part-times I was already working.

I realized that I no longer believe in God, or at least the one I was raised on. Life proved that it was meaningless. I knew that no matter what I did in life I would still be so miserable. I felt like I had been released from Plato's Cave. I cut myself and was suicidal through the latter part of college. My friends were tired of my bullshit which made me angry because so many NYU students are rich and privileged and have never experienced being without. No matter what I feel like a failure because I know so many people making so much more money than me. I hate my current job. I realize that I just hate working in general. It's too much stress. I was never meant to be on this earth and I resent my parents for thinking it was a good idea to have kids.

Maybe my problems aren't as severe as others, but I still feel so much pain and I wish that I was never born. I'm looking for courage to kill myself because I don't think I have it in me to do this anymore. I want to get N, but I haven't heard back from them. I figure it's a lot cheaper than my student loan debt.

 

[Norest4thewicked]

Hi all! 51 yr old English man. Had severe depression and anxiety for 30 years. It just gets worse despite medical and mental health support. Was happy once, forgot how it feels now.

 

[Motherfly]

Hi all! 51 yr old English man. Had severe depression and anxiety for 30 years. It just gets worse despite medical and mental health support. Was happy once, forgot how it feels now.

Welcome home

 

[Norest4thewicked]

Welcome home

Thank you

 

[LostInLife]

52 y/o male. Lurked for a while, have been slightly active on other forums, this one seems like the best i've found though...
A small part of my "story" as an intro:
First seriously considered suicide at age 28 after failed business and relationship...
Hung on...
Then again a few years later... found a reason to live... (i had a house that was paid off)
Next if, things didn't get better by the time I was 45... etc.
Still here...
It doesn't get better... it just gets worse...medication, therapy... BS.
Grandfather did it, uncle did it, so, it's sorta a family tradition at this point.
Would have today... seriously... except for my mother, whom I take care of... so I found "another reason to live."
But basically I just feel like a "dead man walking" at this point.
One day the day will come... that much I know for sure. I still care too much, though. Have to feel like I've "done the best I could," and "exhausted all my options."
It's just that, my best has proven, time and again, to be no where near good enough: (I lost my house and am now deep in debt) and my options are dwindled down to next to none. At some point all the platitudes stop working... "try try again" "never give up" "there's always hope."
I lived by those my whole. fucking. life. So, at what point does life start getting "good", again... or, when does it get better?
The psychologist told me today that, "there's no where left for you to go except up." LMAO. I guess that was supposed to help?
But, hey, that's better than the last one that flat-out told me I was "crazy" and "just nuts" and that I'd "probably be a lifer" (in therapy.)
Thanks for those btw... (bitch)
Anyway... taking care of my mother is my last task / duty in this life now, but once I feel like I've done that long enough, that's it.
Life is miserable if you're just longing for death.
Truly hope if you're reading this, you have a better day than I had.
Thanks for listening.

 

[sadak_the_wanderer]

I have somehow missed out on this thread all of this time. I've been on the site since March, part of the great wave of refugees from rapidly-deleted subreddits and crushed discord servers, although I lurked the relevant board on 8ch.net for some time.

I am a middle-aged man from the United States, the Midwest. I've considered exiting the world for more years than is comfortable to admit. Physical ailments, bad memories, loneliness, a general despair, and a lack of prospects for changing these have brought me to this point. I pass the time by finding new ways to avoid life. I read and try to find ways to make the lives of the few people I know better, since I cannot seem to solve mine. My inability to find people who will care about me as much as I care about them. I also try to find new ways to get rid of my connections and possessions.

My timeline is under two years.

More detail can be found on the Information tab of my profile page. If you have any questions, shoot them to me.

 

[Maravillosa]

52 y/o male. Lurked for a while, have been slightly active on other forums, this one seems like the best i've found though...
A small part of my "story" as an intro:
First seriously considered suicide at age 28 after failed business and relationship...
Hung on...
Then again a few years later... found a reason to live... (i had a house that was paid off)
Next if, things didn't get better by the time I was 45... etc.
Still here...
It doesn't get better... it just gets worse...medication, therapy... BS.
Grandfather did it, uncle did it, so, it's sorta a family tradition at this point.
Would have today... seriously... except for my mother, whom I take care of... so I found "another reason to live."
But basically I just feel like a "dead man walking" at this point.
One day the day will come... that much I know for sure. I still care too much, though. Have to feel like I've "done the best I could," and "exhausted all my options."
It's just that, my best has proven, time and again, to be no where near good enough: (I lost my house and am now deep in debt) and my options are dwindled down to next to none. At some point all the platitudes stop working... "try try again" "never give up" "there's always hope."
I lived by those my whole. fucking. life. So, at what point does life start getting "good", again... or, when does it get better?
The psychologist told me today that, "there's no where left for you to go except up." LMAO. I guess that was supposed to help?
But, hey, that's better than the last one that flat-out told me I was "crazy" and "just nuts" and that I'd "probably be a lifer" (in therapy.)
Thanks for those btw... (bitch)
Anyway... taking care of my mother is my last task / duty in this life now, but once I feel like I've done that long enough, that's it.
Life is miserable if you're just longing for death.
Truly hope if you're reading this, you have a better day than I had.
Thanks for listening.

Welcome!

I was going to send you a PM, but you are still too new to send and receive them. Like you, I am also 52 and a caregiver (along with my brother) for my bedridden mother. Ctb is sort of a tradition in my family as well -- my grandmother and a great-uncle ctb. I first seriously considered ctb when I was 16, and again when I was 19, 21, 37 and 51 (a few months ago). I have managed to keep myself from ctb so far, but I keep thinking that I will ctb after Mom dies and I have published the novel that I have been working on. Once you have contributed a bit more to the forums, I intend to PM you and tell you more.