Introduce yourself

[iiii5555]

Hi!
Just another fellow suicidal here.
I am from Brazil, BTW. I haven't seen much brazilians over here in this forum, but who knows. Hit me up if you're from this overgrow drug cartel that we call a country, KeK. I also suffer from really bad social anxiety so i'll problably not even post too much in here. Heck, this could very well be the last you guys hear from me! Lol, but yaeh, not much to tell about me. I hope we can get along just fine.

 

[null-sum]

hello. i am very scared of speaking up, but here i am.

I live in a state of near constant anxiety. I don't talk that much in real life because I am afraid of being judged. I am pretty sure that it'll be hard for me to speak here, too. All my life so far seems pointless. I am in college right now, but even though people say I'm nice and smart, I don't really feel that way. The friendships I have fall apart due to lack of communication caused by my constant worry of interaction. The achievements I have are not appreciated by anyone in a way I can feel. It just feels like the sum of my efforts, emotions, and frustration is zero. A null sum.

I like freeware video games and I have Asperger's. I just love plushies and I really want to learn how to sew someday. I would also want to learn how to write and draw, maybe even how to compose music, but those are hopeless dreams.

 

[Nofaith]

hello i'm 228

Hi!

hello. i am very scared of speaking up, but here i am.

Welcome All.
I hope you find what you need here.

 

[ParamitePie]

Hi all,
I'm not very good with introductions, but I'm a man in his mid-20's who realizes life has gone terribly and won't improve. I'm not a very social person by nature, and used to enjoy reading, going hiking, playing video games and watching foreign cinema. These past few months, I've been spending most of my free time writing an allegorical novel explaining my feelings through a proxy character, sort of in the vein of Dante Alighieri's Inferno, or maybe John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress would be a better comparison? I know it won't be completed when I die, which kind of sucks, but it's par for the course.
Yours,
ParamitePie (anyone else remember Oddworld?)

 

[Desperate_Soul]

Hi all,
I'm not very good with introductions, but I'm a man in his mid-20's who realizes life has gone terribly and won't improve. I'm not a very social person by nature, and used to enjoy reading, going hiking, playing video games and watching foreign cinema. These past few months, I've been spending most of my free time writing an allegorical novel explaining my feelings through a proxy character, sort of in the vein of Dante Alighieri's Inferno, or maybe John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress would be a better comparison? I know it won't be completed when I die, which kind of sucks, but it's par for the course.
Yours,
ParamitePie (anyone else remember Oddworld?)

Hi there, ParamitePie! Welcome to the forum! Glad to have you here.
Will anybody else be able to read this novel of yours, or will it be hidden away?
Feel free to be yourself around here, most people here are quite friendly and understanding.
I'm sure you'll find all you need here with no problem; whether that's friendship, advice, a place to vent, resources/methods, etc.
SS has a little bit of everything here for everybody! There's things on suicide, life, death, and a whole bunch of other random stuff.
Hope to see more posts from you! :)

 

[ParamitePie]

Will anybody else be able to read this novel of yours, or will it be hidden away?

I'm still asking myself that question [edit: whether I should release it to the public]. It's all a matter of whether I feel like it's completed and sufficiently edited or not. A lot of it is rather personal though and primarily intended for those in my family who will ask the inevitable question of "Why did he do it?"

Thanks for the welcome by the way.

 

[Voldmort]

Hi all,
I'm not very good with introductions, but I'm a man in his mid-20's who realizes life has gone terribly and won't improve. I'm not a very social person by nature, and used to enjoy reading, going hiking, playing video games and watching foreign cinema. These past few months, I've been spending most of my free time writing an allegorical novel explaining my feelings through a proxy character, sort of in the vein of Dante Alighieri's Inferno, or maybe John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress would be a better comparison? I know it won't be completed when I die, which kind of sucks, but it's par for the course.
Yours,
ParamitePie (anyone else remember Oddworld?)

Im loving Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy! Good luck with your history

 

[Lizzie S.]

Idk why I haven't introduced myself yet -.-
I have been told by someone on here that I seem like an INFP, I don't mean to sound weird but I do think I'm very different from most people, and people have commented on my head in the clouds type of aura throughout my life. In some ways I relate to dogs more than people. I dont quite understand how a lot of people seem to have minimal emotions, not to sound arrogant. I long for true love, connection, and happiness more than anything else in life yet I feel like it is not realistic in this lifetime. I think I am very sensitive, and unfortunately my life has had a lot of hardship since I was 14 with family and financial problems. Then I messed up a relationship I had in college, and since then I have been suicidal because I have nothing else to live for. I am an only child, no extended family nearby, and my parents are kind of mean. Now I've attempted twice, and one of those has ruined my body which has made me suicidal again. I would love to talk with anyone, whether it be just to chat about stuff, discuss life, or talk about methods (as I am eager to leave) but this place is a light in the dark for me :) in another life, I would have liked to be an artist, someone who changed the world for the better, and had a loving relationship for my whole life. I dream of these in my head at least.

 

[RubySimon]

Hey everyone, I'm RubySimon, I'm 29 years old and suffer from an unknown Learning disability, Depression and anxiety.The latter of which have been getting progressively worse the past few years. I also have Tinitis! yay for constant noise in your ear when you have sensory issues! ..not.
I've been bullied for nearly all of my life, with such frequency and severity that I actually have no memory of my life up until secondary school because I've repressed that sht hard. bits and pieces seep through now and again that cause me no end of distress.

in particular..and something I've not told anyone before but, playing at a neighbour's house one day when I was a kid, only to black out and awaken back at home disoriented and thinking it was the next day. I never found out what happened and nobody ever talked about it since.. but now and then I find myself thinking of that and what happened, as I never experienced anything like it since.

My life has been a never ending road of misery and loneliness, with some bright sparks now and then only for them to vanish. I've been in toxic friendships, failed realtionships and struggling with gender-identity issues and my sexuality.

I have no job ..and indeed never had one even though I've tried really, really hard.I live at home with my parents and little brother who's 15/16 years old and clearly loved more than I am.. because he's normal and not a burden and freak like I am.

I want to catch the bus but I'm poor, terrfied of pain and hospitals and my anexity makes it really hard to function sometimes.

I'm sorry for any typos.

 

[Faen]

hello all

i dont know what to say because of the fucking brainfog (its so hard to think man... and to actually make decisions),so im gonna keep it short (oops, didnt manage to do that).

i got major depression, very suicidal and social anxiety. ive been hospitalized for several months++, and I only got worse.

people make me worse, and its a huge reason i've isolated me from everyone. im alone every hour and minute of the day, but luckily I dont feel lonely or any craving for irl social contact.

i recently started selfharming, but my kitchen knife is so dull it's really hard to actually make some marks. its probably for the best, because when i selfharm im in a emotional state where i dont really feel pain, so if I had a sharp knife id probably cut way too deep. ironically, I used to look negative on selfharm and didnt quite realise the "appeal" of it, but here I am.

have plans to ctb in early 2019, gonna keep living until then to give myself a chance. now idea how to ctb yet, though. was wondering if i should adopt a cat or something, but realised it would be very selfish considering my time left on earth.

in my sparetime (which is all the time) I like music production, football ( soccer) and binging tv shows.

cheers

 

[musicismylife]

Hey guys, 31, male, pretty much a music producer in my adult life... I have been hospitalized 4 times due to intense experiences through making music,. I've always been smart, but now no it seems that my intelligence is messed up... My last psych ward experience was traumatic and my head just doesn't seem to work the same way... I'm currently unemployed and thinking about it thoroughly I may not wish to be employed and go back to college at this time... I have debts and everything around me seem to be swallowing me, nature seems to and I just don`t see any hope for me... I'm from Brazil which makes things even harder, my resources are ending and apparently, so is my life...

 

[Jinxed]

Hi everyone,

I'm 21 years old, from India. I have not shared this with anyone...Okay here it goes...

I don't have a passion in life. I'm clueless at my job, have given up on all projects assigned to me by my manager and am likely to be fired soon. I feel extremely worthless, indecisive, hopeless almost everyday. I have a loser attitude. I know this because as soon as anything in my life gets 'challenging', I chicken out, submit and give in. The harder I try to overcome these 'challenges', the bigger is the blow to my self-esteem. After three years of trying and failing at literally anything I take up, I want this to end.

Now, I've read articles that try to motivate you when you fail, often citing conquests of well-known people who endured through many failures in their life. And to be honest, it is difficult not to be inspired by their stories. But there is a difference between those failures and the one I am enduring. You see, I'm failing at EVERYTHING I take up in life. Three years ago, I got selected in a team to represent my college at an international competition. About 3 months before the competition, I quit the team. I decided I'll focus on preparing for applying to universities for higher education. Four months before the application deadline, I decided to quit this plan. I sat for campus placements and landed a job. And now, due to my indolence and incompetence at work, either I'm going to get fired, or I'm going to quit really soon.

On the outside I pretend to everyone, especially my parents and close relatives that I'm okay, but on the inside I am fatigued by constant thought of wanting to end this suffering. I came across this website when browsing for methods through which suicide can be handed off as an accident. And how glad I am on joining this community!

 

[Donna]

Hi everyone I'm Donna /U.S 44 , iv always have had low self asteem / suicidal thoughts since I can remember.Iv always been kind to people / except that gets you into people taking advantage of you . I don't like rude people/ I'm quite at times / try to speak my mind I get shut out . I used to be able to find joy in little things / now I find no joy in anything/ there are some days were I can find my own happiness in things but there far and few between .

 

[Thanatopsis]

Hey all,

I have been reading through these forums and I thought it would be a good idea to come out and introduce myself.

I guess I will get into why I chose this username. I love literature and one of my favorite poems about death is Thanatopsis by William Cullen Bryant, which is a poem that is meant to console humans about death and make peace with the fact that we will die and rot eventually. Thanatopsis is also a Greek word that means meditation or contemplation of death. To be honest, I have no fear of death at all, or of dying so I guess the name was kind of relatable in that sense.

Aside from good literature, I enjoy the outdoors and music. These are the things that make life anything close to tolerable for me.

Perhaps someday I will find the right method and the right time to ctb. my particular concern is doing it before I have the chance of getting Alzheimer's, as dementia runs in my family's genes but until then here I am. I look forward to hearing from you all!

 

[Kim]

On the outside I pretend to everyone, especially my parents and close relatives that I'm okay, but on the inside I am fatigued by constant thought of wanting to end this suffering.

I can unterstand you. I often feel the same. I and know how much power that costs and that you need them urgently for other things (for example: to survive the day). I hope you will feel comfortable here - as long you'll stay here.

I used to be able to find joy in little things / now I find no joy in anything/ there are some days were I can find my own happiness in things but there far and few between .

*hug* That's very awful and mind destroying. Unfortunately, I also know that. I personelly found it reassuring to see that I'm not alone. And now that you have found your way to the SS, you are no longer alone too. I hope it helps you a little until you have mad your decision to die soon or life a little longer.

 

[Kim]

@Thanatopsis
Welcome here and have a good time. I'm sure you find the right method for you in this Forum.

Aside from good literature, I enjoy the outdoors and music. These are the things that make life anything close to tolerable for me.

That's sounds beautful. I love to be outside in the nature too. It gives me some kind of freedom. Music, I think, it's is awsome way to express feelings. Feelings that can't be expressed by words.

 

[Over it]

Hey, I've been on this site as a guest for a while.. am a member now..
I was in a narcissistic abusive relationship/marriage for 15 years, we have 2 children. For the last 2 years I resorted to alcohol to cope. Which sent me and my marriage into a downward spiral.. We separated and 2 years on are now divorced. I am a mess, mentally, emotionally, physically. I'm all kinds of fucked up.. My brain doesn't work right, probably from the alcohol and mental abuse, I feel like a 17 year old trapped in a 36 yr old body.. with no life awareness, May come from co-dependency but I don't know... my emotions are changing every minute and at times are completely irrational and I have put 40kgs on over 3 years. Which affects my self esteem. I feel like a train wreck. I spend endless days just laid on the couch with no motivation, thinking why do I bother.. I have 2 gorgeous young boys... but even with a narcissist as a father I cant help but think, they are better off without me...

So hi, that's me, and where I'm at

 

[ZepGirl]

Hi everyone,
I'm Australian, 33 and female. I have battled with my own mind since childhood, have attempted to ctb many times, never successfully obviously. I am not sure what the future holds for me. I have a constant wish to take my leave of this life, but today is a good day.. I believe in people's right to choose however, and firmly believe that death isn't always the worst thing that can happen to someone.
I am glad to have found such a beautiful, supportive, intelligent group of people who, despite being joined by the bullshit that is life, manage to create a safe understanding place. I have never felt free to express my thoughts freely, and I am grateful that I found this site. Even if I decide to hold on, its comforting knowing that there are people who understand. And who won't stand in the way.

Thanks for having me :)

 

[AndyCurious]

Hi everyone,
I'm Australian, 33 and female. I have battled with my own mind since childhood, have attempted to ctb many times, never successfully obviously. I am not sure what the future holds for me. I have a constant wish to take my leave of this life, but today is a good day.. I believe in people's right to choose however, and firmly believe that death isn't always the worst thing that can happen to someone.
I am glad to have found such a beautiful, supportive, intelligent group of people who, despite being joined by the bullshit that is life, manage to create a safe understanding place. I have never felt free to express my thoughts freely, and I am grateful that I found this site. Even if I decide to hold on, its comforting knowing that there are people who understand. And who won't stand in the way.

Thanks for having me :)

Hi, very nice to meet you, and you are more than welcome in here :-) <3

 

[musician]

I feel so lucky with this beautiful community..let me introduce myself first. I'm Faisal 41 year from middle east currently in Texas. I'm married and I have two beautiful kids. I lived in emotionally abusive marriage for 12 years. My wife give me that nonverbal gestures of how unqualified i am. Not good enough, not smart enough, not rich enough. In the first year it wasn't like that, but after my first child has born everything changed. I don't want to gives you guys every single detail so lets jump to what brought me here. All my plans to start a fresh path ended failed. Until this moment i'm still abused by her. I can't divorce it too much. No money. So here I am. What I really want is a true partner around my age i dont have gender preferences. Thank you all.

 

[vvvvv]

Greetings, my dear friends.

There is not much to say about me. I've had a lot of family issues, struggled with depression most my life and am currently unemployed.
I make the days pass with reading, cooking, video games and tending the pets, but first and foremost music.

I'm very much looking forward to talk with and getting to know all of you.

(Edit: BTW my handle here is 5x "v", you can just call me v, or Vee)

 

[am0]

Hello,

Nice to join the forum.

I can see from browsing there are people a lot worse off than me, although I know this isn't a contest. It seems like a good place where one can talk openly. I am currently in my early 30s, I have had serious mental health issues the last few years which are getting a lot better now, however, they have gone on to ruin my promising career and the relationship with the love of my life. I do not have the ability to repair these things, just too much time has passed and although my brain function is a lot better, I am too upset at the world and don't have the humility to start from zero. If I had gotten a correct diagnosis earlier all this might have been prevented. I don't owe anyone anything at this point, I have taken enough of people's burdens not ctbing earlier, I simply can't live with the nothingness that has become my life.

Does anyone know how long it takes and how many posts you need to make before you can send a PM?

 

[DreamsofDeath]

Hello. I found this forum yesterday and found reading it very comforting, if that's the word, and all the messages so thoughtful and kind. It's not a good thing that there are others out there who feel this way but to be here with others who understand is a comfort. I know I need to ctb soon but don't know how. I need a plan and something I won't back out of, something which will be relatively quick and preferably painless. I have the space to do it but hope I will be able to find the definitive means soon. I cannot bear the pain I cause those around me, specifically my mother who has done everything she can. My living has even made her not want to live anymore because of the pain and anguish I cause her. I have to go to spare her and free her to live life, as much as she can, I know it won't be easy but my living is causing her nothing but misery. When she started crying and telling me "I always tried to be so nice to you" and I saw the pain I cause her I knew for certain I had to go. Sorry for the ramble. Glad to have found you all.

 

[onewayroad]

I feel so lucky with this beautiful community..let me introduce myself first. I'm Faisal 41 year from middle east currently in Texas. I'm married and I have two beautiful kids. I lived in emotionally abusive marriage for 12 years. My wife give me that nonverbal gestures of how unqualified i am. Not good enough, not smart enough, not rich enough. In the first year it wasn't like that, but after my first child has born everything changed. I don't want to gives you guys every single detail so lets jump to what brought me here. All my plans to start a fresh path ended failed. Until this moment i'm still abused by her. I can't divorce it too much. No money. So here I am. What I really want is a true partner around my age i dont have gender preferences. Thank you all.

Greetings, my dear friends.

There is not much to say about me. I've had a lot of family issues, struggled with depression most my life and am currently unemployed.
I make the days pass with reading, cooking, video games and tending the pets, but first and foremost music.

I'm very much looking forward to talk with and getting to know all of you.

(Edit: BTW my handle here is 5x "v", you can just call me v, or Vee)

Hello,

Nice to join the forum.

I can see from browsing there are people a lot worse off than me, although I know this isn't a contest. It seems like a good place where one can talk openly. I am currently in my early 30s, I have had serious mental health issues the last few years which are getting a lot better now, however, they have gone on to ruin my promising career and the relationship with the love of my life. I do not have the ability to repair these things, just too much time has passed and although my brain function is a lot better, I am too upset at the world and don't have the humility to start from zero. If I had gotten a correct diagnosis earlier all this might have been prevented. I don't owe anyone anything at this point, I have taken enough of people's burdens not ctbing earlier, I simply can't live with the nothingness that has become my life.

Does anyone know how long it takes and how many posts you need to make before you can send a PM?

Hello. I found this forum yesterday and found reading it very comforting, if that's the word, and all the messages so thoughtful and kind. It's not a good thing that there are others out there who feel this way but to be here with others who understand is a comfort. I know I need to ctb soon but don't know how. I need a plan and something I won't back out of, something which will be relatively quick and preferably painless. I have the space to do it but hope I will be able to find the definitive means soon. I cannot bear the pain I cause those around me, specifically my mother who has done everything she can. My living has even made her not want to live anymore because of the pain and anguish I cause her. I have to go to spare her and free her to live life, as much as she can, I know it won't be easy but my living is causing her nothing but misery. When she started crying and telling me "I always tried to be so nice to you" and I saw the pain I cause her I knew for certain I had to go. Sorry for the ramble. Glad to have found you all.

Welcome. I hope you can find everything you need here, I think I speak for everyone on this forum when I say that we will help you in any way we can, whether that means trying to solve the problems that have put you in this position or finding the best way to leave this world.

I'm not sure about the PM requirements, it took me a day or two of posting here and there to be able to PM.

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

Hello, i found out about this forum from r/2meirl42meirl4meirl, and it's really nice to find people who truly understand the way i feel. I keep swaying from feeling like there's absolutely no point in life to being able to feel somewhat hopeful for my future, but overall I want to at least try to make it through college before i give up on life. I support the message of this place so much, no one should be forced to keep living when they don't want to, and i hope all who are suffering here are able to find peace, whether it be in death or in finding a reason to live

 

[oldgray]

hello there,
i finally made up my mind and made an account here because i miss r/sanctionedsuicide and r/truesanctionedsuicide, i'm still subscribed to r/depression and r/suicidewatch but they are a joke.
i'm 19 but i made my first online research about "how to kill yourself without feeling pain" when i was 13, suicide never left my head since then.
i don't really like things anymore and i feel stuck at the moment, i'd like to kill myself using n but i don't have the money right now and i'm not sure i ever will, i was also considering helium / nitrogen and similar methods in terms of pain and fear.
as much as i crave death i'm still scared about the act of dying, not death itself, but the loss of consciousness, the very last moment before you're gone.
don't know what else to say, i used to like the usual things: videogames, manga, anime / tv series, drawing, but i can't bring myself to do these things anymore as they don't really bring me pleasure, now i just spend my days on reddit, instagram, youtube, and sometimes listening to music (also trying to figure out what to do now that i finished school and i need money even to kill myself).

 

[faex42]

Hi.
I'm glad to finally be able to communicate openly with people who won't condemn me for wanting to die. This forum is a gift.
I suffer from severe depression, panic attacks, PTSD, and what seems like ADD. I first sought help for panic attacks at age 17. Anxiety led to problems being able to do so many things in my lie I did not have serious depressive episode with suicidal ideation until 2001 but I have since made up for lost time. I am the only member of my family who attends to my mom who is 91 and whose health is seriously deteriorating. I am a 66 year old male. I don't feel my age prevents me from communicating with anyone who has similar issues. I feel that once that the dreaded day comes and my mother passes and the funeral takes place, I will have met my obligations and I can put an end to my existence. I don't have a good way of doing it.

 

[TheCrow]

Oh yea I could write a book. I'd call it "Chicken Soup for the tortured soul" lol

I hate when I get a unsolicited invite to my own pity party. Nobody shows up and it's always fuckin carrot cake.

Hey, carrot cake is good! & it has that cream cheese frosting ;)

 

[TheFool]

Hi everybody.

I don't know why it took me so long to find this place. I imagine I'll ctb some years from now, unless my life changes pretty drastically for the better, which I doubt will happen. My mentality at this point is, "Well, life sucks, but I'm already here, and I finally have a bit of freedom to do what I want for once, so fuck it, I guess I'll stay a while." Once I run out of interesting things to do, I'll head out. Maybe that'll be next year, or maybe it'll be in 30 years.

Either way, I'm glad to finally have some people to talk to who aren't going to judge me for thinking that way.

 

[Lady black]

Hi everybody! I´m a 33 male that sometimes like to be a woman, so I sometimes dress myself like a woman and leve the house like this. I´m not into men, I just think it would be great if I could change my gender whenever I want, I´m more asexual. I´m depressed, lonely and not able to work, cause I can´t stand pressure and stress. I hope to find some nice people here to talk to until I will die.