In your last moments....

[deletednumber]

I've always had issues with depression. Turning to religion has always been helpful for me. That's not a prescription, but just what I have found helpful. I plan to pray for love and forgiveness in the moments between N and death. Honestly, to whoever is debating this, do what ever will bring you the most peace in the final moments. It's up to the individual, and there is no judgement for whatever it is that may be.

Yes, you're right ... it's the same thing I'll do too, it's a way to be at peace with myself, my past, my ctb decision and the world

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

What do you mean? Would you like to be remembered as a good thing or would you like your existence to be erased?

Honestly, I'm not sure. I do want to be forgotten. Not just because I think I'm not worth remembering, but because it's the best way to cope. But they will remember, my family, my friends. Maybe I just don't want to be remembered as a bad thing, something that leaves scars. And I've left so many already... Maybe I've mixed up wanting to be remembered with wanting to still be alive and form new memories, good memories, shared memories, with the ones I love. Maybe I just care too much not to ask for forgiveness, in a futile attempt to right all my wrongs.
Or maybe it's something way more superficial and selfish - the petty and stupid need to have a good reputation. As if I can magically flip the script on my insignificant life with speaking up about how sorry I am I wasn't different.

 

[deletednumber]

Honestly, I'm not sure. I do want to be forgotten. Not just because I think I'm not worth remembering, but because it's the best way to cope. But they will remember, my family, my friends. Maybe I just don't want to be remembered as a bad thing, something that leaves scars. And I've left so many already... Maybe I've mixed up wanting to be remembered with wanting to still be alive and form new memories, good memories, shared memories, with the ones I love. Maybe I just care too much not to ask for forgiveness, in a futile attempt to right all my wrongs.
Or maybe it's something way more superficial and selfish - the petty and stupid need to have a good reputation. As if I can magically flip the script on my insignificant life with speaking up about how sorry I am I wasn't different.

You know....I think what you wrote reflects what I think sometimes too..but I think it's not always our fault,life often leads us to do certain actions...we made the best we could do.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

You know....I think what you wrote reflects what I think sometimes too..but I think it's not always our fault,life often leads us to do certain actions...we made the best we could do.

I know. I don't really blame myself for anything. I don't blame anybody. If anything is to blame, it's the universe, but there's no point in blaming something that is indifferent.