Story In the span of 2 years, my life has been completely destroyed

[Confront4283]

I wanted to write a post here about my life because I don't get to share it with people, and how the last 2 years of my life has basically destroyed everything.

When I was younger I had extremely religious parents who verbally, emotionally and physically abused me. My dad's best tricks were kicking me into a corner and slamming me into it until I give up, or throwing me on the ground and pummelling me.

He used to say whatever he could to get under my skin just to make me cry, and my mom would gaslight me into pretending all of this never happened. Not to mention the screaming and fights in the house.

When I started school, I was constantly thrown in detention for my inability to concentrate and do homework. Teachers would sigh and roll their eyes when I cried after being told off, and one teacher screamed at me so loud that the whole building could hear it, and then proceeded to mock me crying in front of the class.

In college, things were looking up. I started dating a girl and fell madly in love, I found a great group of friends and the work was easy.

Suddenly University starts and everything steadily starts rolling downhill, my girlfriend can't stand the fact I have no discipline in cleaning or anything because I was never taught. We get into fights often. COVID hits and I start depersonalising for the first time, as COVID lifted I tried doing psilocybin to help and had a panic attack, then a few days later had another panic attack on weed. This is where my hell began.

I became full on agoraphobic, I started medication that worked for a bit and then faded out and made my panic worse, I tried CBT, talk therapy and IFS therapy and nothing worked. My partner gave up on me and left me. I couldn't concentrate on my new wfh job graduating college so I break security protocol by playing Minecraft and other games on devices with Teams installed.

And now, I'm under paid suspension for gross misconduct and realistically it's my fault and I don't know if I'm going to go homeless or end up without a career.

My life is one long joke, I had happiness for a year or two before it got ripped out underneath me. I'm so depressed, so anxious and so suicidal. Fuck anyone who tells me I haven't tried, all I've fucking done is try and try to pull myself out of this hellhole I've been stuck in for most of my life, realistically I only had 2 good years.

My journey is over, I wasn't meant to live this long. I'm tired and I want to sleep and never wake up.

 

[Z-A]

I can very much relate with most of the things. It was already a struggle and on top of that mental condition takes over and finishes it all off. I'm still coping with drugs tho. It all happened so quickly, my life was basically ruined in just a couple of days since I developed panic disorder. It's like you drove to the end of the road and nothing beautiful awaits you anymore. Anyways, I wish you the best.

 

[untothedepths]

Why do people bother to have children if they just want to abuse them? I ask myself this everyday since I endured most of my life in an abusive household until I was able to leave. My parents destroyed me. I grew up a mess that likely can't be fixed. I also know the feeling of having life get good for once and watch it all fall the fuck apart.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Confront4283]

I can very much relate with most of the things. It was already a struggle and on top of that mental condition takes over and finishes it all off. I'm still coping with drugs tho. It all happened so quickly, my life was basically ruined in just a couple of days since I developed panic disorder. It's like you drove to the end of the road and nothing beautiful awaits you anymore. Anyways, I wish you the best.

That is such a good way of putting it, I'm really sorry you can relate.

Why do people bother to have children if they just want to abuse them? I ask myself this everyday since I endured most of my life in an abusive household until I was able to leave. My parents destroyed me. I grew up a mess that likely can't be fixed. I also know the feeling of having life get good for once and watch it all fall the fuck apart.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for sharing your story.

It's such a painful and horrific feeling I know what you mean. My parents fucked me up for life, and I have to deal with it while living in constant suffering. And for what?

 

[tankapi]

I'm sorry. It sounds a lot like you went through years of abuse and possibly undiagnosed ADHD. Because it sounds like my childhood and college experience. I didn't get diagnosed until I was nearly flunking out of college.