Venting In due time, I'd have done everything I wanted to

[ctwc]

I've finished grinding all the games that I wanted to.
I had a career run.
I travelled a few places. Not the world, but to a few places.
I learned to cook some stuff. They were good.
I went to ambulance room. Not due to an attempt, just I did. I enjoyed it.
In a few months' time, I'd have done all that I wanted to.
There are things I can't resolve. I still can't find happiness. I still wake up every day with either "fuck here we go again" or "why must I wake up".

It's strange seeing someone like that here, right? This doesn't even sound like a vent. You can't read this with a strong tone like you'd normally read a vent. But I'm a little angry when writing this.

Call me whatever you want. Make any comment as you wish.

I'm not looking for support or any particular reactions. I expect some of you will hate me for posting something like this. But that's ok. Maybe my time will come soon enough.

After all, this is what venting is for, right?

 

[SASU-KE]

No one's going to hate you. You seem disillusioned with life, just like a lot of us are. It's a valid vent post, there is nothing wrong with it.

 

[desiderium]

I find your post a little comforting, in the sense that I struggle with feelings like this too.

I'm in a similar situation. I have a good job, friends, a cat. I play the games I enjoy, help others with my work, and spend time with people I love.

Yet it's temporary at best. If I do feel any true genuine happiness, it's gone so quickly that I can't manage to keep hold of it. Every day feels like a drag. Like I'm on autopilot. Despite doing things I want to, despite traveling and talking and hanging out with people I adore, I don't feel satisfied. I wake up every day with a heaviness in my heart and an emptiness in my chest that inexplicably lingers despite every attempt I've ever made to make it go away.

Dissociation and disillusionment with life isn't super uncommon, and it sounds like you're experiencing those (at least to some degree). It's a valid vent. It's valid to be frustrated and angry when things that SHOULD be fulfilling, satisfying, and gratifying are just…. not. When, despite doing things you've craved or loved, you still wake up every day with grief that you woke up at all.

If the things we want to do bring no joy at all, then what are we left with?

 

[ctwc]

I find your post a little comforting, in the sense that I struggle with feelings like this too.

I'm in a similar situation. I have a good job, friends, a cat. I play the games I enjoy, help others with my work, and spend time with people I love.

Yet it's temporary at best. If I do feel any true genuine happiness, it's gone so quickly that I can't manage to keep hold of it. Every day feels like a drag. Like I'm on autopilot. Despite doing things I want to, despite traveling and talking and hanging out with people I adore, I don't feel satisfied. I wake up every day with a heaviness in my heart and an emptiness in my chest that inexplicably lingers despite every attempt I've ever made to make it go away.

Dissociation and disillusionment with life isn't super uncommon, and it sounds like you're experiencing those (at least to some degree). It's a valid vent. It's valid to be frustrated and angry when things that SHOULD be fulfilling, satisfying, and gratifying are just…. not. When, despite doing things you've craved or loved, you still wake up every day with grief that you woke up at all.

If the things we want to do bring no joy at all, then what are we left with?

Wow you speak exactly my mind.

On one hand I wanna befriend you right away for that.

On the other hand I wanna smack you also for that.

Can you just turn into a plushie so I can punch you without causing harm.

 

[desiderium]

Wow you speak exactly my mind.

On one hand I wanna befriend you right away for that.

On the other hand I wanna smack you also for that.

Can you just turn into a plushie so I can punch you without causing harm.

The moment I turn into a marketable plushie, you're welcome to beat my plush self to your heart's content :)

On a serious note, I'm proud of you for still doing the things you want to do despite the lack of joy or happiness they bring you. It's difficult to exist in a realm of disillusionment, but you're doing it anyway. I do hope that one day things change for you. That you'll find happiness or a flicker of feeling, or that one day eternal peace will finally fall into your arms one way or another.

 

[ctwc]

There's really no way to find happiness for me, really. But these little packets of joy are doses of painkillers that I have the luxury of taking. At least while they're still in stock.

Peace will come some day. It's permanent so we can't be so rash, can we?

 

[SASU-KE]

There's really no way to find happiness for me, really. But these little packets of joy are doses of painkillers that I have the luxury of taking. At least while they're still in stock.

Peace will come some day. It's permanent so we can't be so rash, can we?

Well said Sally. I just discussed this earlier with another person. I mean, the end is inevitable,why not see it through?It'll come soon enough anyway.

I feel like time's just flying past. I mean, it feels to me like the new year just started and we're already entering the final quarter in a couple of weeks.

 

[theboy]

Life is strange

 

[MrMegalomaniac]

I'm in a similar boat, I'm tying up some things I've been meaning to finish like playing VNs, finishing books etc.
Yet I still feel disillusionment and dissociation and nothing I do makes me happier or feel like living is worth it.
No matter what I do, I'm depressed and blank.

 

[Special Week]

I don't know, I just don't feel like doing anything and I don't have any clear goals. I'm trying to never travel with my family now, I'm trying to stay home all day so I don't get any sunlight, and I'm trying not to talk to anyone. Nothing satisfies me anymore, so I haven't accomplished anything in my life, nor do I plan to