I am experiencing an intense amount of anxiety right now. It's not surprising considering I am about to execute a decision that is so enormous. I don't interpret this anxiety as sign I should reconsider, but rather a normal human response.
Life has never been easy and I have always struggled with suicide, but this last 1.5 or so years has been particularly brutal. After finding someone to spend my life with, and for the first time in my life being truly happy, I woke up one morning to his dead body lying next to me. From there everything else fell apart which led me to where I am now.
In approximately four hours I will inject myself with a veterinary medication meant to sedate horses. From what I read, I will unconscious similarly to being under general anesthesia in a minute or two. From there my blood pressure will plummet and respiratory depression will slow. Since this medication is not in the normal drug supply, even if found they won't know how to treat it.
I consider myself very fortunate to have acquired this drugs. So many have to use much more uncomfortable, painful or messy methods.
There will be people I love and things I miss in this world. I regret that my death with cause others pain. I hope they will ok.
Best of luck to all on SaSu. I first wish all recovery and way to live and love life, but if that is not possible, I wish you peace.
Life has never been easy and I have always struggled with suicide, but this last 1.5 or so years has been particularly brutal. After finding someone to spend my life with, and for the first time in my life being truly happy, I woke up one morning to his dead body lying next to me. From there everything else fell apart which led me to where I am now.
In approximately four hours I will inject myself with a veterinary medication meant to sedate horses. From what I read, I will unconscious similarly to being under general anesthesia in a minute or two. From there my blood pressure will plummet and respiratory depression will slow. Since this medication is not in the normal drug supply, even if found they won't know how to treat it.
I consider myself very fortunate to have acquired this drugs. So many have to use much more uncomfortable, painful or messy methods.
There will be people I love and things I miss in this world. I regret that my death with cause others pain. I hope they will ok.
Best of luck to all on SaSu. I first wish all recovery and way to live and love life, but if that is not possible, I wish you peace.
peace and love to you, my friend
