fadinghalo
悔しいけれど いらない過去で この私は作られてます
- Apr 18, 2026
- 5
I wanted to share my experience with a failed overdose, since I haven't really told anyone about this. This happened last tuesday night.
Disclaimer, what I did was very reckless and stupid, I wasn't in my right mind and could have ended up with serious consequences. Don't be like me
I don't know if this counts as an attempt. Maybe it was more of an act of SH? But part of me was definitely hoping that I wouldn't wake up.
Over the past two years I've been trying out different meds, SSRIs, and over time I ended up with a collection of different medication boxes that are basically still full. I know it's very rare to OD on SSRIs but I still wondered if it was possible if the dose was high enough, with the amount of meds I had saved up.
That day I had a bad argument with my parents, and it sent me spiraling. My judgement was clouded with thoughts that came up all at once, bottled up anger, fear, self-hatred, hopelessness. Even after crying my eyes out this restlessness still lingered, I felt like crap and I wanted to do something about it, urgently.
I gathered all my meds and started popping the pills out of the packs one by one. I was so set on doing it, but with each clicking sound of the aluminum I started getting this feeling of dread, second guessing. I chickened out halfway. But by that point I already had a bunch of pills out, so I just swallowed them down and went to bed.
The next morning, I woke up feeling awful. Imagine a bad hangover, but amplified 10x. Headache, nausea, dehydration. Got an allergic rash on my neck/chest. Eyelids were droopy and a bit puffy. I was extremely sleepy and sedated, staying awake was a struggle, so I slept through most of day 1 and 2. Extremely dizzy, my vision had this weird delayed motion blur effect when I moved my eyes, even propping myself up on my elbows made my head spin. The scariest part was the weakness in my limbs, my legs felt extremely unstable, whenever I moved it felt like I was in a rocking boat. My heartbeat also raced from only taking a few steps. I was basically confined to my bed for the following days because It felt like I would fall if I tried to go downstairs, and if someone saw me stumbling and wobbling around it would be obvious something was up.
I didn't tell anyone what I did, especially after the argument. So I dealt with it in silence, in my room, no hospital check up or anything. Which was probably also stupid of me but oh well.
I guess I was worried they might send me to a mental hospital. But tbh I was also embarassed of what I did.
It's been 5 days, the symptoms gradually faded and I think I'm mostly ok now, maybe still a bit brainfoggy. Feels a bit surreal. Anticlimactic maybe. Long story short, nothing really happened and I was out of it for 4 days.
Disclaimer, what I did was very reckless and stupid, I wasn't in my right mind and could have ended up with serious consequences. Don't be like me
I don't know if this counts as an attempt. Maybe it was more of an act of SH? But part of me was definitely hoping that I wouldn't wake up.
Over the past two years I've been trying out different meds, SSRIs, and over time I ended up with a collection of different medication boxes that are basically still full. I know it's very rare to OD on SSRIs but I still wondered if it was possible if the dose was high enough, with the amount of meds I had saved up.
That day I had a bad argument with my parents, and it sent me spiraling. My judgement was clouded with thoughts that came up all at once, bottled up anger, fear, self-hatred, hopelessness. Even after crying my eyes out this restlessness still lingered, I felt like crap and I wanted to do something about it, urgently.
I gathered all my meds and started popping the pills out of the packs one by one. I was so set on doing it, but with each clicking sound of the aluminum I started getting this feeling of dread, second guessing. I chickened out halfway. But by that point I already had a bunch of pills out, so I just swallowed them down and went to bed.
The next morning, I woke up feeling awful. Imagine a bad hangover, but amplified 10x. Headache, nausea, dehydration. Got an allergic rash on my neck/chest. Eyelids were droopy and a bit puffy. I was extremely sleepy and sedated, staying awake was a struggle, so I slept through most of day 1 and 2. Extremely dizzy, my vision had this weird delayed motion blur effect when I moved my eyes, even propping myself up on my elbows made my head spin. The scariest part was the weakness in my limbs, my legs felt extremely unstable, whenever I moved it felt like I was in a rocking boat. My heartbeat also raced from only taking a few steps. I was basically confined to my bed for the following days because It felt like I would fall if I tried to go downstairs, and if someone saw me stumbling and wobbling around it would be obvious something was up.
I didn't tell anyone what I did, especially after the argument. So I dealt with it in silence, in my room, no hospital check up or anything. Which was probably also stupid of me but oh well.
I guess I was worried they might send me to a mental hospital. But tbh I was also embarassed of what I did.
It's been 5 days, the symptoms gradually faded and I think I'm mostly ok now, maybe still a bit brainfoggy. Feels a bit surreal. Anticlimactic maybe. Long story short, nothing really happened and I was out of it for 4 days.
