Venting Impulsive Decisions Because “I’m gonna kms anyways”

[Puppy]

I buy way too much random shit and spend tons on food delievery and cut/dye my hair randomly and often, I self harm my face not concerned about obvious scaring, do drugs that are definitely damamgjny my health, I say whatever I want no matter how hurtful or private which has pushed the few people left in my life away and tmi I became impulsive sexually which is the worst part because I definitely got taken advantage of. I do all this because i say to myself well I'm going to kill my self anyways yet I'm here after all these mistakes which have made my life increasingly worse but still very much alive
Just a rant but does anyone else relate ?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

A bit, when I was on the demon pills I had these sorts of behaviors.

 

[Abir_london]

Haha I quit my high paying job this week cuz I kept telling myself I'm going to Kms and now I feel stuck I either ask for my job back or kms. I don't any alternative sadly
I'm eating unhealthy takeaways cuz why care about diet or running when I'm dying!!

All of this after start taking the antidepressants!!!Obviously not working!!

A bit, when I was on the demon pills I had these sorts of behaviors.

Interesting!! Mine is getting extreme after taking antidepressants!!!

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I can absolutely relate!
You can't imagine how I wasted my money last year before my failed attempt! I bought lots of booze, junk food, spent lots on pubs when dating girls, etc.
I was like: "Who cares? I'll be dead in some weeks!"
Unfortunately, that sucked and these past months I was bankrupt but I've finally become economically stable again haha.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Before my last attempts, I stopped paying bills and rent, maxed out a credit card to buy gifts for friends, stuff like that. Then I didn't die. I really dug myself into quite a hole. That's why now, even on my bad days when I don't think I can recover, I'm still not completely destructive because I don't want to put myself in that situation again.

 

[NodusTollens]

Before my last attempts, I stopped paying bills and rent, maxed out a credit card to buy gifts for friends, stuff like that. Then I didn't die. I really dug myself into quite a hole. That's why now, even on my bad days when I don't think I can recover, I'm still not completely destructive because I don't want to put myself in that situation again.

I can relate, though I wish I would learn my lesson. I'm not nearly as bad as before but once I'm in an episode- nothing else matters. Buy whatever, do whatever, eat whatever. With not a f*ck to give.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I can relate, though I wish I would learn my lesson. I'm not nearly as bad as before but once I'm in an episode- nothing else matters. Buy whatever, do whatever, eat whatever. With not a f*ck to give.

Yeah. I mean, I still do things I shouldn't because of it and certainly neglect responsibilities, but so far it's usually nothing that's going to greatly affect me later on like it did before.

 

[notreallynow]

I am thinking of spending 50 quid on a fancy teapot. I don't even like tea that much.

 

[inthemoonblue]

I've definitely justified a lot of destructive behaviors this way.. impulse spending, eating way too much, binge drinking for days, taking walks in a rather large city in the middle of the night, etc. It's gotten pretty bad since I moved out and started living by myself.

 

[notreallynow]

Haha I quit my high paying job this week cuz I kept telling myself I'm going to Kms and now I feel stuck I either ask for my job back or kms. I don't any alternative sadly
I'm eating unhealthy takeaways cuz why care about diet or running when I'm dying!!

All of this after start taking the antidepressants!!!Obviously not working!!

Interesting!! Mine is getting extreme after taking antidepressants!!!

Aw please get an appointment and tell it to your psych ASAP so you can have them changed, this is a thing, meds can trigger manic behaviours in people by themselves eg her. You shouldn't have to put up with that .

 

[Abir_london]

Aw please get an appointment and tell it to your psych ASAP so you can have them changed, this is a thing, meds can trigger manic behaviours in people by themselves eg her. You shouldn't have to put up with that .

But how come ? It should help us :(
At first they sesbcribed me a high dose by a mistake, I was tired but all negative feelings stopped
When they adjusted it to lower dose I just went mad and now I'm just waiting for my N to arrive

 

[EdibleGasMask]

I self harm my face not concerned about obvious scaring, do drugs that are definitely damamgjny my health, I say whatever I want no matter how hurtful or private which has pushed the few people left in my life

Yeah, I relate. I stopped talking to people close and stopped people getting close to me to minimize their pain when I kill myself. I stabbed myself a lot because I had to quit a sport that I loved ( and kept me from CTB) because of my legs being in pain constantly. Usually my impulsiveness comes from more self sabotage from self loathing than pure impulsiveness, though I guess same difference.

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

Yeah ive broken things and ryined friendships

 

[AQUA]

OMG! so relatable lol
I find the kamikaze mentality towards life addictive too!

Rick Sanchez put it perfectly when he said​

"To live is to risk it all. Otherwise, you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you."​

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Yes I just want to buy many stuffed toys cause it's the only thing that makes me feel better. You deserve to have some not shitty things in your life even if it is a greasy takeaway.

If we all lived like complete health conscious zealots all the time things would be boring, as many would feel no desire to live a life where they could never indulge in their guilty pleasures. It is rare to find a human with no vices-alcohol, drugs, sex addiction, unhealthy food, etc.

From my experience it feels like we are doing whatever we can to feel any semblance of pleasure as a last ditch effort not to ctb