Venting Imagine having cancer eating every cell of your body and everybody telling you to man up...

[Ineedtodie]

Well that's my life with mental illness and the people that helps me all they can do is watching me be destroyed and in pain...i hope no one this time comment below that I' m catastrophezing as my feeling are always met with this pov. And that only nothing I spell is of truth. What balanced relationships i have!

Edit: if I' m panicking, dissociative, dreading, my heart is exploding out of my chest. Take meds. Be quiet. The only pov I encounter. Or that's it you're done or too wrong, this is too much. I only hear judgement and billittlement of this debilitating condition.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm so sorry. I don't understand why people try and deny other people's illnesses. Like- if you pretend it isn't there, maybe it will go away. Yeah- no.

It's a shame really that mental illnesses aren't as physically obvious as physical ones. Do your doctors/therapists at least believe you?

 

[hopelessgirl]

I also feel it's so unfair to have this invisible death sentence

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I am telling myself to man up, even though I can't… The desire is not there… running on empty

 

[Ineedtodie]

can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm so sorry. I

Thank you for you kind words.

don't understand why people try and deny other people's illnesses. Like- if you pretend it isn't there, maybe it will go away. Yeah- no.

They don't deny it really. But only judge me as mentally ill in a derogatory way. My illness took over. And my personality is obviously damaged. It shows. But its a cross i have to bear on my own. Their empathy ends there, only judgement and i have to see reality as they see it in term of what kind of help is appropriate being mentally ill, being wrong inable to stay stable and protecting my intrests. As they do protect their own. As if mental illness is not stigmatized and debilitating, as if society is so forgiving to my kind. I just have to take my meds and keep . What kind of help is this? Sorry I' m just really confused and hurting and curious.

a shame really that mental illnesses aren't as physically obvious as physical ones.

Just the stigma and the insults we get.

Do your doctors/therapists at least believe you?

My therapist validate I' m mentally ill and need to take meds. Only this will help. Otherwise be quiet. You have no right to say more. That's reality. This is the only pov I encounter.
How debilitating, how intense, how its stigmatized. No validation whatsoever. Everything I say is spilled from a sick mind.

I also feel it's so unfair to have this invisible death sentence

I feel exactly the same.

I am telling myself to man up, even though I can't… The desire is not there… running on empty

Sorry you feel stuck. I feel the same.
I think we are overwhelmed. In an over the top circumstances. And we feel there is no escape. Hence we are here. I can't believe I can't get my self to ctb bc its only thing that make sens to me.

Edit: i didn't even recognize what section i' m posting this. Respect for those who are trying their all to recover despite it all.

 

[Forever Sleep]

They don't deny it really. But only judge me as mentally ill in a derogatory way. My illness took over. And my personality is obviously damaged. It shows. But its a cross i have to bear on my own. Their empathy ends there, only judgement and i have to see reality as they see it in term of what kind of help is appropriate being mentally ill, being wrong inable to stay stable and protecting my intrests. As they do protect their own. As if mental illness is not stigmatized and debilitating, as if society is so forgiving to my kind. I just have to take my meds and keep . What kind of help is this? Sorry I' m just really confused and hurting and curious.

I think you make a very valid point- no need to apologize. That mental illness IS treated in a derogatory way in our society. I think it's why so many people struggle on undiagnosed.

I wonder why it is. Perhaps because it does seem an inexact science to diagnose mental illness and to treat it I suspect. I suppose it's a relatively new phenomena also. My Dad for example has little time for mental illness in some ways- he gets sick of hearing people have this or that affliction- the whole: 'We couldn't use that excuse in my day- we just got on with it...' Still- if we go near the subject of suicide- then those people are DEFINITELY suffering from depression. Kind of weird huh?

I hate to say it but I think our nearest and dearest (even though they should) simply don't have the patience to deal with us. I guess they know themselves the experience of being unhappy but they don't understand why we can't bring ourselves out of it. I think a lot of the time, they just think we aren't trying hard enough (and that we ought to.)

I suppose- if they DO recognise it to be an illness, they still have nothing to really gauge it by. I think some people simply avoid people who are physically or mentally ill because they just don't know what to say to them.

I do understand your frustration and I can see how it would work- if they see you as the one with the mental distortion, or illness- then they probably will say- your way of looking at the world is wrong and you need to see it from the correct (or, our) point of view. I can imagine how invalidating that must be. I'm sorry.

I do even recall watching programmes on psychiatric wards where patients desperately want to come off their meds because of side effects. Yet- supposedly because their viewpoint is not sound- they don't seem to have the same rights or self autonomy as other people. It is pretty frightening.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I think you make a very valid point- no need to apologize. That mental illness IS treated in a derogatory way in our society. I think it's why so many people struggle on undiagnosed.

I wonder why it is. Perhaps because it does seem an inexact science to diagnose mental illness and to treat it I suspect. I suppose it's a relatively new phenomena also. My Dad for example has little time for mental illness in some ways- he gets sick of hearing people have this or that affliction- the whole: 'We couldn't use that excuse in my day- we just got on with it...' Still- if we go near the subject of suicide- then those people are DEFINITELY suffering from depression. Kind of weird huh?

I hate to say it but I think our nearest and dearest (even though they should) simply don't have the patience to deal with us. I guess they know themselves the experience of being unhappy but they don't understand why we can't bring ourselves out of it. I think a lot of the time, they just think we aren't trying hard enough (and that we ought to.)

I suppose- if they DO recognise it to be an illness, they still have nothing to really gauge it by. I think some people simply avoid people who are physically or mentally ill because they just don't know what to say to them.

I do understand your frustration and I can see how it would work- if they see you as the one with the mental distortion, or illness- then they probably will say- your way of looking at the world is wrong and you need to see it from the correct (or, our) point of view. I can imagine how invalidating that must be. I'm sorry.

I do even recall watching programmes on psychiatric wards where patients desperately want to come off their meds because of side effects. Yet- supposedly because their viewpoint is not sound- they don't seem to have the same rights or self autonomy as other people. It is pretty frightening.

Mental illness is somewhat hard to define… I can remember feeling frustrated with people who seemed like they just couldn't get their act together… I am frustrated with myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just best to take no notice of those who invalidate and dismiss what you go through. They cannot understand and see existing from your point of view. It would be different if they suffered in the same way.

 

[Ineedtodie]

think you make a very valid point- no need to apologize. That mental illness IS treated in a derogatory way in our society. I think it's why so many people struggle on undiagnosed.

Its conflicted phenomenon. Treated in derogatory way. Yeah that's the point i tried to make.

wonder why it is. Perhaps because it does seem an inexact science to diagnose mental illness and to treat it I suspect. I suppose it's a relatively new phenomena also. My Dad for example has little time for mental illness in some ways- he gets sick of hearing people have this or that affliction- the whole: 'We couldn't use that excuse in my day- we just got on with it...' Still- if we go near the subject of suicide- then those people are DEFINITELY suffering from depression. Kind of weird huh?

I get this POV really. It's not an exact science. I confirm. And it can be complicated to diagnose and treat. I know that parent and family themselves are struggling with smth mental, one way or another. I always stress the fact that its debilitating. In terms of quality of life, extremely so.

hate to say it but I think our nearest and dearest (even though they should) simply don't have the patience to deal with us. I guess they know themselves the experience of being unhappy but they don't understand why we can't bring ourselves out of it. I think a lot of the time, they just think we aren't trying hard enough (a

This idea as well make sens. I understand why parent could feel helpless themselves as well toward our struggles. I always stress the fact that its not about being just unhappy really, and its about being challenged. That its debilitating. Its start with unhappiness but develope into more limitation and inhibitions.

I suppose- if they DO recognise it to be an illness, they still have nothing to really gauge it by. I think some people simply avoid people who are physically or mentally ill because they just don't know what to s

I think the fact is society is projecting and resentful toward us. A cruel truth.

do understand your frustration and I can see how it would work- if they see you as the one with the mental distortion, or illness- then they probably will say- your way of looking at the world is wrong and you need to see it from the correct (or, our) point of view. I can imagine how invalidating that must be. I'm sorry.

Not understanding the debilitating aspects of mental illness always confuses me. Like any other illness. Why deny that fact! The unvalidation is just harsh truth to accept for us.

even recall watching programmes on psychiatric wards where patients desperately want to come off their meds because of side effects. Yet- supposedly because their viewpoint is not sound- they don't seem to have the same rights or self autonomy as other people. It is pretty frightening.

Its really sad and truly frightening to read this. Its our worse nightmare when we are treated as subhumans. I hope you're in a better place and have enaugh free will to not be subjected to such harsh treatment from others and harsh unvalidation.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Its really sad and truly frightening to read this. Its our worse nightmare when we are treated as subhumans. I hope you're in a better place and have enaugh free will to not be subjected to such harsh treatment from others and harsh unvalidation.

Thank you. I'm actually relatively lucky to be honest. I'm not entirely sure that I do have a mental illness- if so, it's likely to be mild-moderate depression (once diagnosed at uni) and I'm likely to have had it to varying degrees for 32 years. (Back when the suicidal ideation started.) I certainly have issues like social anxiety and a tendancy for limerance but I don't know if they're classed as illness. I can't say it impacts me terribly, although I don't really know how I'd be without it- it feels like a part of my character.

Honestly, I have complete free will. That's part of the problem in a way though- it's all up to me to sort myself out and as you can probably already see- people get frustrated when I don't, or am overly pessimistic.

Not really to blame him but like I've mentioned- my Dad hates this whole idea of mental illness. He doesn't even really like the thought of people taking drugs, or going to therapy. (Not really surprising seeing as they do quite often examine your childhood by the sounds of it...)

I don't think parents like the thought they have biologically produced and reared a child to be defective. Not to say it is their fault but I wonder if it's this idea that other people might think that, that's a part of it.

I think to an extent, it has put me off reaching out for help. Although- I did at uni, when I was really struggling. A friend's Mum actually suggested it- which weirdly validated it for me. Still, I found it really uncomfortable (which I suppose it needs to be) and the meds (Fluoxetine/Prozac) didn't seem to do anything- so I quit.

I guess I've always been able to self manage these feelings through losing myself in a creative job. That has been my therapy. But that's proving difficult to sustain financially- hence I'm in such a low place and on here so much!

I'm SO sorry for what you are going through. I feel like I've gotten off relatively lightly compared to a lot of the people here- both in terms of physical and mental illness and life situation. If it feels shit to me, I can only imagine what you are all going through. My heart hurts for you all. ❤

 

[Ineedtodie]

Thank you. I'm actually relatively lucky to be honest. I'm not entirely sure that I do have a mental illness- if so, it's likely to be mild-moderate depression (once diagnosed at uni) and I'm likely to have had it to varying degrees for 32 years. (Back when the suicidal ideation started.) I certainly have issues like social anxiety and a tendancy for limerance but I don't know if they're classed as illness. I can't say it impacts me terribly, although I don't really know how I'd be without it- it feels like a part of my character.

Honestly, I have complete free will. That's part of the problem in a way though- it's all up to me to sort myself out and as you can probably already see- people get frustrated when I don't, or am overly pessimistic.

Not really to blame him but like I've mentioned- my Dad hates this whole idea of mental illness. He doesn't even really like the thought of people taking drugs, or going to therapy. (Not really surprising seeing as they do quite often examine your childhood by the sounds of it...)

I don't think parents like the thought they have biologically produced and reared a child to be defective. Not to say it is their fault but I wonder if it's this idea that other people might think that, that's a part of it.

I think to an extent, it has put me off reaching out for help. Although- I did at uni, when I was really struggling. A friend's Mum actually suggested it- which weirdly validated it for me. Still, I found it really uncomfortable (which I suppose it needs to be) and the meds (Fluoxetine/Prozac) didn't seem to do anything- so I quit.

I guess I've always been able to self manage these feelings through losing myself in a creative job. That has been my therapy. But that's proving difficult to sustain financially- hence I'm in such a low place and on here so much!

I'm SO sorry for what you are going through. I feel like I've gotten off relatively lightly compared to a lot of the people here- both in terms of physical and mental illness and life situation. If it feels shit to me, I can only imagine what you are all going through. My heart hurts for you all. ❤

Even so, you're feeling are valid. If you're here then you have certainly a good reason, you must have suffered one way or an other as you mentioned.
No matter how good you've been coping and how mild your depression is. If this site helps you in anyway. Don't feel guilty for having the ability or luck or whatever that allowed you to survive with full free will or at least strong free will. Wishing you love and the best in life. You seem and honest and genuine empathetic person.
I always engage in this site as a pro-choice, not a suicide cult or a so called death cult. Its true most of us feel trapped with no relief but others recovered or recovering and trying they best in anyway possible since ctb is not a so evident choice.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Even so, you're feeling are valid. If you're here then you have certainly a good reason, you must have suffered one way or an other as you mentioned.
No matter how good you've been coping and how mild your depression is. If this site helps you in anyway. Don't feel guilty for having the ability or luck or whatever that allowed you to survive with full free will or at least strong free will. Wishing you love and the best in life. You seem and honest and genuine empathetic person.
I always engage in this site as a pro-choice, not a suicide cult or a so called death cult. Its true most of us feel trapped with no relief but others recovered or recovering and trying they best in anyway possible since ctb is not a so evident choice.

Thank you so much. That's so kind of you to say. Yes- I think we're all suffering on here to varying degrees. It's sad really when anyone's life has brought them here. That said- I am so grateful for this place. It's the best out of a bad situation in a way. So many people are so empathetic and sensitive here- no matter how varied our reasons for being here are. I feel like it's a safe haven for us. Ironic considering how the opposition think we're all monsters in some death cult.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Thank you so much. That's so kind of you to say. Yes- I think we're all suffering on here to varying degrees. It's sad really when anyone's life has brought them here. That said- I am so grateful for this place. It's the best out of a bad situation in a way. So many people are so empathetic and sensitive here- no matter how varied our reasons for being here are. I feel like it's a safe haven for us. Ironic considering how the opposition think we're all monsters in some death cult.

I think most us here no matter the spectrum of suffering they are in are very sensitive and sensible people. We understand how truly society is conflicted and separative and honestly violent deep down. Some of us has better luck at recovery, coping or surviving with dignity, yet unfortunaly most feel trapped and misunderstood. Its a safe heaven not responsible for anyone's death i believe. We sought this site for a reason. Its not like it has an hypnotic effect on people. I' m very sure SI is so strong that people must be in utter despair to pull the trigger and for long time if i dare to say.

 

[Ineedtodie]

It's just best to take no notice of those who invalidate and dismiss what you go through. They cannot understand and see existing from your point of view. It would be different if they suffered in the same way.

We have a saying in my country" only those who step on burning coal will feel it"

 

[damaged_soul]

I actually do have an ovarian tumor yet still am told that I need to just man up. No matter how much pain I'm in I have to suck it up and force myself to get my shit done. I used to mistakenly think that it's easier to have a physical illness than a mental one since people are more sympathetic when you're suffering physically, but I found out that that is not the case. I am truly alone in this world. The only positive aspect of all this is that after realizing that my parents don't really give a crap about my tumor, I feel less guilty about the impact my suicide would have on them.