Its really sad and truly frightening to read this. Its our worse nightmare when we are treated as subhumans. I hope you're in a better place and have enaugh free will to not be subjected to such harsh treatment from others and harsh unvalidation.
Thank you. I'm actually relatively lucky to be honest. I'm not entirely sure that I do have a mental illness- if so, it's likely to be mild-moderate depression (once diagnosed at uni) and I'm likely to have had it to varying degrees for 32 years. (Back when the suicidal ideation started.) I certainly have issues like social anxiety and a tendancy for limerance but I don't know if they're classed as illness. I can't say it impacts me terribly, although I don't really know how I'd be without it- it feels like a part of my character.
Honestly, I have complete free will. That's part of the problem in a way though- it's all up to me to sort myself out and as you can probably already see- people get frustrated when I don't, or am overly pessimistic.
Not really to blame him but like I've mentioned- my Dad hates this whole idea of mental illness. He doesn't even really like the thought of people taking drugs, or going to therapy. (Not really surprising seeing as they do quite often examine your childhood by the sounds of it...)
I don't think parents like the thought they have biologically produced and reared a child to be defective. Not to say it is their fault but I wonder if it's this idea that other people might think that, that's a part of it.
I think to an extent, it has put me off reaching out for help. Although- I did at uni, when I was really struggling. A friend's Mum actually suggested it- which weirdly validated it for me. Still, I found it really uncomfortable (which I suppose it needs to be) and the meds (Fluoxetine/Prozac) didn't seem to do anything- so I quit.
I guess I've always been able to self manage these feelings through losing myself in a creative job. That has been my therapy. But that's proving difficult to sustain financially- hence I'm in such a low place and on here so much!
I'm SO sorry for what you are going through. I feel like I've gotten off relatively lightly compared to a lot of the people here- both in terms of physical and mental illness and life situation. If it feels shit to me, I can only imagine what you are all going through. My heart hurts for you all. ❤