Horrors Lazuli
Member
- Oct 12, 2019
- 44
Lack of money to live the life I deserve is going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back and drives me to CTB.
My family pushed me out of home and forced me to get a job and move away last year, all in a rush. This depleted all of my savings. Due to mental illness and a physical disability–I have cerebral palsy–I wasn't able to finish college and I've been forced to take jobs that pay nothing. I spent eight months working a mind-numbing office manager job that only paid me $20 an hour. It became untenable for me to maintain the full-time schedule and had to take a medical leave, which eventually ended in my resignation. Ever since, I've been trying to make it as a translator and interpreter but I haven't been able to secure enough work to survive. I'm surviving on food stamps and family handouts.
I'm miserable and in debt for minuscule amounts–not even $3K–that are making my life and future impossible.
So, if my family doesn't react to get me out of this hellhole, I have no more strength, energy, or desire to keep on going.
What makes me sad is how my boyfriend and best friend are going to feel like when I end myself. I have been dropping clues for weeks but I think they just see it as my being dramatic. I feel for my therapist, who does everything humanly possible. My death isn't her fault.
I never thought I would end up deciding to kill myself over an $1500 unexpected expense.
I never even got a chance. But I won't stand to live in even worse poverty. I tried and kept trying.
So sorry this doesn't make much sense.
My family is wealthy and can fix all of my problems with the flick of a wrist, but I think they'd rather see me wither slowly.
My family pushed me out of home and forced me to get a job and move away last year, all in a rush. This depleted all of my savings. Due to mental illness and a physical disability–I have cerebral palsy–I wasn't able to finish college and I've been forced to take jobs that pay nothing. I spent eight months working a mind-numbing office manager job that only paid me $20 an hour. It became untenable for me to maintain the full-time schedule and had to take a medical leave, which eventually ended in my resignation. Ever since, I've been trying to make it as a translator and interpreter but I haven't been able to secure enough work to survive. I'm surviving on food stamps and family handouts.
I'm miserable and in debt for minuscule amounts–not even $3K–that are making my life and future impossible.
So, if my family doesn't react to get me out of this hellhole, I have no more strength, energy, or desire to keep on going.
What makes me sad is how my boyfriend and best friend are going to feel like when I end myself. I have been dropping clues for weeks but I think they just see it as my being dramatic. I feel for my therapist, who does everything humanly possible. My death isn't her fault.
I never thought I would end up deciding to kill myself over an $1500 unexpected expense.
I never even got a chance. But I won't stand to live in even worse poverty. I tried and kept trying.
So sorry this doesn't make much sense.
My family is wealthy and can fix all of my problems with the flick of a wrist, but I think they'd rather see me wither slowly.
