I'm trapped in this state of existence, in a world where I don't belong, with people I don't understand.

[wszuq]

I just want to die. I don't know what motivates other people to live. What gives them happiness? I'm a burden on the society and I'm going nowhere. I don't want what everyone else wants.

I feel so lonely because I'm the only one who thinks like this. My mother birthed me into a prison of this body and I can't even get out of it. I'm ashamed for having suicidal thoughts and whoever knows I'm suicidal, immediately becomes passive aggressive and says things like 'Think about your parents'. Like wtf. Is there anybody else who things this way? I feel like I'm trapped in a prison and only death can set me free from this hell of existence. I have never met anyone who thinks this way.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I think many of us can relate to how you feel. I suspect most of us look at 'normal' folk with a sense of bewilderment. I suppose I can imagine why some people find fulfilment and even happiness in life but it feels so out of reach for me now and honestly doesn't even appeal anymore. I think the majority of us here are just so tired of it all- we just want it to be over.

I can't say I feel ashamed of feeling this way. I was quite young when I first considered it (age 10) and I think the very first time I thought about it, it was a bit of a shock. It has just become so normal now though. I suppose I don't see life as precious or something I should be grateful for- it's something that had been inflicted on me- so I feel no shame in wanting to be rid of it. That said- I do feel guilt about the grief it would leave behind. That- for now is the main thing that keeps me stuck here.

 

[actual_fox]

My mother birthed me into a prison of this body and I can't even get out of it.

same -I am an antinatalist and used to be efilist.

I'm ashamed for having suicidal thoughts and whoever knows I'm suicidal, immediately becomes passive aggressive and says things like 'Think about your parents'.

same -minus I never tell people that but I am worried about my parents

I feel like I'm trapped in a prison and only death can set me free from this hell of existence.

same- I tried to meditate to get read of my existence in here or to transition to some state from which being here would be less painful, looked for meaning in spiritualism and drugs and spent countless hours looking for reason to be here and I found non. There is nothing that really drives me. I used to think that having gf or sex or money is the THING. But now I see this is just very empty and made to use me in some way. It is like I found those things still intellectually good but unworthy of pursuing. I lost things like deep sense of love and connection- i think washed away by having to lie about my mental health and what i think about the world. I always felt alien to this world too and I do not know where I come from but I know that I want out of this place. This place is a madhouse.

I do not want heavens on other side or somebody to give me something in return for my suffering- I would choose not to because I do not want any premade heaven created by self imposed entity with god complex. If I disappear so be it. If I could I would just exist, or maybe find some other soul that i could feel connection too because I cannot achieve It here - people say I am weird. And I am weird. I wonder If existence after death is real then would I have to commit suicide again to erase myself completely? Or is It just so different that nobody has to do anything so radical ever again. I would prefer to never exist then to have to do this shit over again. I would rather see world destroyed then have billions of souls living here and suffering endlessly in some sick useless cycle.

 

[gimzero]

Its living hell with no exit.

 

[actual_fox]

May I propose thread theme:

Spoiler: Aurora-Runaway

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand, but I don't feel ashamed about wanting to die. In my case wanting to die is more rational than continuing to exist. I have no interest in suffering and struggling until old age. I see nothing appealing or desirable about being alive, life itself is the problem for me and I'm tired of being trapped in this prison of a human body. I do think that maybe some people are not meant for this world, that is how I feel. I would choose non existence over any kind of life, to me life is just endless problems and negative experiences and it's all very pointless. To peacefully pass away would certainly be the best thing for me.

 

[ihatemyseIf]

literally I don't know what motivates people to live, I can't understand them. I just procrastinate all day thinking about suicide, about the way I'm gonna do it