breadliker123
The world's most marvelous girl
- Mar 24, 2025
- 24
failed an attempt yesterday. I tried partial hanging, but heard my sister speaking in another room and chickened out before I could even pass out.
This isn't the first time I try to, but I was really going for it this time. I just feel like I can't keep on doing this.
Uni has been fucking me up, my family has been fighting, I split on my best friend of 7 years and my social anxiety has somehow gotten worse. Plus, the woman whos been making my life hell since I was 9 (incestuous great-grandma, 97 YEARS OLD) somehow survived a heart attack, which I probably should be over already, but Im not, because I'm stupid like that.
Not to mention I relapsed on my self-harm and the addiction is as bad as ever.
Ive realized I've been acting like an asshole lately, and it truly isn't on purpose. I just don't know how to stop!
I've been praying every day for god to take me but she just sounds like she wants me to go to her myself.
I wish I had enough balls to try full suspension, that way I can't chicken out even if my sister's happiest memories come to life, but even if I wanted to, my whole darn house is suicide-proofed because my whole family is mentally ill.
I can't go out to look for SN because I'm scared. I can't attempt out of my house because I'm too scared. I can't go out to buy actual good supplies because I'm too scared, so I'm stuck with some cable to put around my throat.
I just don't know what to do. No one around me cares enough about me to ask me if I'm fine, no one around me even notices I'm acting odd. I don't know what to do. Can't they just ask me if I'm fine? I swear a hug would probably calm whatever the hell is wrong inside my head, even for just a little while.
I just want to stop being pathetic. The earlier I get this done, the earlier my family can realize how fucked up they made me.
I'm sorry if my English is bad it's not my first language
This isn't the first time I try to, but I was really going for it this time. I just feel like I can't keep on doing this.
Uni has been fucking me up, my family has been fighting, I split on my best friend of 7 years and my social anxiety has somehow gotten worse. Plus, the woman whos been making my life hell since I was 9 (incestuous great-grandma, 97 YEARS OLD) somehow survived a heart attack, which I probably should be over already, but Im not, because I'm stupid like that.
Not to mention I relapsed on my self-harm and the addiction is as bad as ever.
Ive realized I've been acting like an asshole lately, and it truly isn't on purpose. I just don't know how to stop!
I've been praying every day for god to take me but she just sounds like she wants me to go to her myself.
I wish I had enough balls to try full suspension, that way I can't chicken out even if my sister's happiest memories come to life, but even if I wanted to, my whole darn house is suicide-proofed because my whole family is mentally ill.
I can't go out to look for SN because I'm scared. I can't attempt out of my house because I'm too scared. I can't go out to buy actual good supplies because I'm too scared, so I'm stuck with some cable to put around my throat.
I just don't know what to do. No one around me cares enough about me to ask me if I'm fine, no one around me even notices I'm acting odd. I don't know what to do. Can't they just ask me if I'm fine? I swear a hug would probably calm whatever the hell is wrong inside my head, even for just a little while.
I just want to stop being pathetic. The earlier I get this done, the earlier my family can realize how fucked up they made me.
I'm sorry if my English is bad it's not my first language
