Help I'm too scared

[aerospace_nerd]

Hi, I've decided to CTB on Monday by full suspension. It's not my first attempt, and with that comes the question: how can I stay committed to my decision until the very end?
I've done dry runs, I have everything prepared and sorted out — the only thing I'm missing is the courage to go through with it.
Every time I've tried, I was too scared to kick the chair, and I backed down.
And every time, I feel disappointed and regret that I didn't go through with it.
Do you have any advice?
I know that only a very few people who truly have the courage are still with us — but how are you dealing with
this?

 

[needinghelp]

Had the same situation Monday with partial. Had everything ready and had enough rope for full too. But couldn't go through with it. Neck is still sore. No so much SI as feeling for my wife and 2 daughters. The youngest one (25) found me on my first (not hanging) attempt and I was in ICU for a few days.
I'd love to know too.
Sorry if I've hijacked this I will delete it if you ask me to.

 

[aerospace_nerd]

Had the same situation Monday with partial. Had everything ready and had enough rope for full too. But couldn't go through with it. Neck is still sore. No so much SI as feeling for my wife and 2 daughters. The youngest one (25) found me on my first (not hanging) attempt and I was in ICU for a few days.
I'd love to know too.
Sorry if I've hijacked this I will delete it if you ask me to.

You don't have to delete it — our situations are really similar, so you didn't hijack anything. I'm sorry you feel this way, and I hope you find the courage to do what you desire. I also hope we both find answers to our questions here.

 

[Jadeith]

Do you have any advice?

I know it might not the answer you are looking for or expect but maybe, just maybe you should reassess your situation?
I mean, being scared to ctb (no matter the method) doesn't mean you are a coward. It's just your body saying that it finds dying more terrifying than your current situation. Maybe that part of your brain saying that there's no escape for you other than noose is actually wrong? Might be worth investigating. Of course i know nothing about your life, it's just a hunch.

 

[aerospace_nerd]

I know it might not the answer you are looking for or expect but maybe, just maybe you should reassess your situation?
I mean, being scared to ctb (no matter the method) doesn't mean you are a coward. It's just your body saying that it finds dying more terrifying than your current situation. Maybe that part of your brain saying that there's no escape for you other than noose is actually wrong? Might be worth investigating. Of course i know nothing about your life, it's just a hunch.

Maybe you're right. I still have a few days to think — it's the last decision of my life, so even if I'm sure I made the right choice, maybe I didn't, and I'm wrong. All of this thinking is just exhausting.