I’m tired of not being loved

[Dr Iron Arc]

At least for me, I like the gentlemen and kind type. I find it flattering when people try to be sweet and stuff. If they overstep the boundaries, start talking sexual out of the blue, sending nether region pics or asking for them, gaslighting and getting angry that I don't change to their liking, or otherwise becoming akin to a stalker, that's a big no no and very creep like to me.

I think that might unfortunately be asking a lot from some dudes. I'm the opposite extreme in a lot of ways thanks to having very little self-confidence but I don't consider that any better. Being meek and awkward comes with its own ways to be creepy to other people. Doesn't help that I'm really dumb and have no real experience except what just happened to me if that counts.

I don't know about odds really. The dice are rolled with every birth. Most of us lost a lot of said rolls. Hard to seek out those with mental stability, similar interests, and heavy tolerance to broken people. I'm usually bringing the pain to my ex's, so I can't say much on that. I have yet to find a guy who can deal with my shit unconditionally. That guy probably doesn't exist.

For me, I was so close to beating the odds only to have it swept from under me. It's like I rolled all sixes for twenty dice and can't prove it so it doesn't count. I don't believe I can be lucky enough to ever do that a second time but there might still be hope for you down the line if it hasn't happened at all yet. Maybe that's a warped way of looking at probability but idk. I certainly think my brokenness would also be incredibly difficult to stomach and yet someone actually was okay with it!

 

[_Kaira_]

I think that might unfortunately be asking a lot from some dudes. I'm the opposite extreme in a lot of ways thanks to having very little self-confidence but I don't consider that any better. Being meek and awkward comes with its own ways to be creepy to other people. Doesn't help that I'm really dumb and have no real experience except what just happened to me if that counts.



For me, I was so close to beating the odds only to have it swept from under me. It's like I rolled all sixes for twenty dice and can't prove it so it doesn't count. I don't believe I can be lucky enough to ever do that a second time but there might still be hope for you down the line if it hasn't happened at all yet. Maybe that's a warped way of looking at probability but idk. I certainly think my brokenness would also be incredibly difficult to stomach and yet someone actually was okay with it!

Sorry just saw this. Yeah, I'm aware that it's probably asking to much. I've always came with all sorts of problems. I will never expect anyone to ever be able to handle it. But hey, atleast I'm trying to 'get better' even now. Too some it could come off that way, but it's a lot more understandable with communication. It won't work on everyone, for sure, but there is kind and understanding people out there. It just may be hard to find a diamond in the rough...

I've had too many of those moments. Had two separate times that I was with someone I thought I'd marry. Never works out in the end. I have stopped believing in those chances for myself. I've just accepted it, that as long as I have my current issues, im intolerable; thus unlovable. Hard to reveal to people about my problems and what caused them, it's so much deeper than just a few failed relationships. Disturbing even. There's nothing in this world that someone can tell me that I haven't experienced myself in one form or another.

But hey, here's to always hoping. Even if it is futile.

 

[JohnDoe555]

I've had many relationships and I've come to realize they're usually not worth the hassle. I think for me, there is no room for someone else in the long run. When you're chronically ill (physical or mental, or both) then the other person will eventually get dragged down with you, and bail. Which is understandable, why would a 'healthy' person want to be dragged down by someone else? I have many reasons for suicide, and this is in the top 5. I do feel like I'm cursed, that I have all the elements for a lifelong relationship, but I'm missing some vital ones so ultimately I'm doomed to be alone.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've had many relationships and I've come to realize they're usually not worth the hassle. I think for me, there is no room for someone else in the long run. When you're chronically ill (physical or mental, or both) then the other person will eventually get dragged down with you, and bail. Which is understandable, why would a 'healthy' person want to be dragged down by someone else?

Indeed, that may be why for the last two people I was drawn to, there were extremely similar parts of our history that I related to. I think even beyond the soulmate fairytale that I believe in I also hold this unrealistic fantasy that maybe putting two similarly broken people together would enable them to help repair each other. I don't know if it actually works but I've been told not to expect this but I don't think I could avoid feeling isolated if I was with someone who didn't fully understand me so I guess that problematic attitude is all the more reason I ain't lovable...

 

[JohnDoe555]

Lol you just described my last two relationships! I think there is a desire to find someone who's also struggling in life, and is somewhat of a broken person. The thing is, some people are broken to a point while others are off the scale. There is definitely an initial bonding over the horrors of life, but after a few months it always breaks apart. But, that's just my experience and things could be very different for you. And I hope they are :)

 

[Mm80]

At least for me, I like the gentlemen and kind type. I find it flattering when people try to be sweet and stuff. If they overstep the boundaries, start talking sexual out of the blue, sending nether region pics or asking for them, gaslighting and getting angry that I don't change to their liking, or otherwise becoming akin to a stalker, that's a big no no and very creep like to me.

I don't know about odds really. The dice are rolled with every birth. Most of us lost a lot of said rolls. Hard to seek out those with mental stability, similar interests, and heavy tolerance to broken people. I'm usually bringing the pain to my ex's, so I can't say much on that. I have yet to find a guy who can deal with my shit unconditionally. That guy probably doesn't exist.

You see this is what confuses me.
All of the girls ive tried to get to know have demanded that i send dick pics and talk dirty to them. One girl demanded i dress up in womens clothes. Another that i walk around on all fours like a dog.
When ive said its moving too fast they have ghosted me.
Guess it works noth ways.

 

[LonelyNick]

With my Asexuality, my ADHD, my BPD, my anxiety, "normal" relationships are impossible for me. I tried Solo Polyamory, dating people who have partners bit not having a partner myself.

It's always the same thing. I give the world and receive peanuts in exchange. I'm a generous, caring, loyal person. I'm not perfect, I always fully disclose that I'm crazy but I do my best.

I tried and tried again. Now I'm too tired. Exhausted. I just want to rest eternally, alone, as I was in life...

 

[Mm80]

With my Asexuality, my ADHD, my BPD, my anxiety, "normal" relationships are impossible for me. I tried Solo Polyamory, dating people who have partners bit not having a partner myself.

It's always the same thing. I give the world and receive peanuts in exchange. I'm a generous, caring, loyal person. I'm not perfect, I always fully disclose that I'm crazy but I do my best.

I tried and tried again. Now I'm too tired. Exhausted. I just want to rest eternally, alone, as I was in life...

What was solo polyamory like pls nick?

 

[LonelyNick]

What was solo polyamory like pls nick?

Here's a cool definition of it I like;

Solo polyamory is a fluid category that covers a range of relationships, from the youthful "free agent" or recent divorcee who might want to "settle down" some day but for now wants to play the field with casual, brief, no-strings-attached connections, to the seasoned "solo poly" who has deeply committed, intimate, and lasting relationships with one or more people. Some solo polys have relationships that they consider emotionally primary, but not primary in a logistical, rank, or rules-based sense, and others don't want the kinds of expectations and limitations that come with a primary romantic/sexual relationship.

It can also be called relationship anarchist too. It's not believing in the Nuclear family, that 1 person can fully satisfy you and that you can still have relationship without romantic or even sexual attachments. There's plenty to read on the subject, it's very interesting!

 

[Neowise]

A different point of view.

I am 24, have never been in a relationship and never really had regrets. Relationships seem like heaven from the outside, but looking at my family and friends they have always brought more bad things than good ones. From what I have observed love always turns into hate sooner or later, or one can't handle the break up and falls into depression. Or your parents don't like your partner and the beef begins here before your relationship eventually ends, the list goes on. And they don't seem to last for longer than 2 years in most cases. The amount of trouble they bring in general doesn't seem worth it for me.

There are several reasons why I am forever alone, this is just one of them.

To be honest I'd be happier if my family truly loved me and didn't base their amount of love on my marks and my success.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I feel the same and have come to the conclusion it's just not meant for me now. I had one 3-year serious relationship with a girl who was perfect and I threw it away over silly things like self doubt and selfishness. When I say perfect I mean, people didn't believe we were together, like a painting. Not just physically but as a person, she was nothing but great to everyone around her. Even my own family told me I'd never be with anyone like her again when it was falling apart.

She's with someone else now and I know she's happy, which is something. I don't know if it's really better to have loved and lost though - it hurts all the time and it ended over 2 years ago.

 

[Mm80]

Here's a cool definition of it I like;

Solo polyamory is a fluid category that covers a range of relationships, from the youthful "free agent" or recent divorcee who might want to "settle down" some day but for now wants to play the field with casual, brief, no-strings-attached connections, to the seasoned "solo poly" who has deeply committed, intimate, and lasting relationships with one or more people. Some solo polys have relationships that they consider emotionally primary, but not primary in a logistical, rank, or rules-based sense, and others don't want the kinds of expectations and limitations that come with a primary romantic/sexual relationship.

It can also be called relationship anarchist too. It's not believing in the Nuclear family, that 1 person can fully satisfy you and that you can still have relationship without romantic or even sexual attachments. There's plenty to read on the subject, it's very interesting!

If only i knew there was a name for it, i could have explained it to my exes.
They just thought i was a dirty bastard lol.
Thanks for explaining.

 

[LonelyNick]

If only i knew there was a name for it, i could have explained it to my exes.
They just thought i was a dirty bastard lol.
Thanks for explaining.

I discovered that term when I was 29. It changed my life. I'm still bad at relationship but I live somewhere very liberal, queer and kinky so I've been able to have a few people to cuddle and spend time with, then they go home to their perfect relationship while I stay alone at home.

It's a whole other can of worms...

 

[Mm80]

I discovered that term when I was 29. It changed my life. I'm still bad at relationship but I live somewhere very liberal, queer and kinky so I've been able to have a few people to cuddle and spend time with, then they go home to their perfect relationship while I stay alone at home.

It's a whole other can of worms...

It sounds like youve lived brother ...

 

[LonelyNick]

It sounds like youve lived brother ...

I have lived. That's why I'm so tired. I've done a lot in life, I've traveled, loved, cried and sang. I don't have regrets. There's still so much to do but a lifetime is never enough to fully explore this huge blue ball. I done the things I wanted to do. Now I want to rest.

 

[Lupgevif]

If you guys are ugly just put a fancy cat or a meme of profile pic. Build your charisma instead of selling your face if you feel ugly.

Laughing my ass off.

 

[Legalizemybody]

I am 31. I spent over one thousand dollars to see my girlfriend in Mexico. I ended up losing my phone and she broke up with me halfway during the week. I am stranded in Mexico. Literally no one wants me.

 

[HadEnough1974]

That's not my main problem, but I keep thinking why I don't deserve a woman that loves me? I'm a 30 year old male with barely no experience in relationships. I've seen so many guys with less than I have(ie look, money, education) and still they get beautiful girls while I'm all alone. I think some people are just meant to be alone then.

Appearance, money and education are not what's going to attract someone to you. It's all about personality and loving yourself first. Just my passing thoughts.

 

[Lupgevif]

loving yourself first.

Yeah, we're doomed.

 

[_Kaira_]

You see this is what confuses me.
All of the girls ive tried to get to know have demanded that i send dick pics and talk dirty to them. One girl demanded i dress up in womens clothes. Another that i walk around on all fours like a dog.
When ive said its moving too fast they have ghosted me.
Guess it works noth ways.

Some people may be like that. For me, I don't like being pressured to do certain things like that, at least if I'm not ready. I have had traumatic experiences with things like that, and honestly it just makes me uncomfortable. I know not all guys are the same, but I'm sure there are people who would also be uncomfortable being pressured into sending pics like that.

People have their things I suppose, lol.

Lol you just described my last two relationships! I think there is a desire to find someone who's also struggling in life, and is somewhat of a broken person. The thing is, some people are broken to a point while others are off the scale. There is definitely an initial bonding over the horrors of life, but after a few months it always breaks apart. But, that's just my experience and things could be very different for you. And I hope they are :)

I've only been in one relationship like that in highschool. He was my only highschool boyfriend in fact. I did really love him and cared for him. Just as much I felt like we did click on the broken and emotional level. It was fine for awhile, but his levels of clinginess were borderline of stalkerish. Admittedly I did become afraid of him over time. I have no problems with clinginess. Over clinginess even. I'd prefer my boyfriend see me as their world and feel like it's just us two against the world. However, there's a point that the red flags are lifted and it becomes dangerous. This one was no exception.

 

[Mm80]

Some people may be like that. For me, I don't like being pressured to do certain things like that, at least if I'm not ready. I have had traumatic experiences with things like that, and honestly it just makes me uncomfortable. I know not all guys are the same, but I'm sure there are people who would also be uncomfortable being pressured into sending pics like that.

People have their things I suppose, lol.



I've only been in one relationship like that in highschool. He was my only highschool boyfriend in fact. I did really love him and cared for him. Just as much I felt like we did click on the broken and emotional level. It was fine for awhile, but his levels of clinginess were borderline of stalkerish. Admittedly I did become afraid of him over time. I have no problems with clinginess. Over clinginess even. I'd prefer my boyfriend see me as their world and feel like it's just us two against the world. However, there's a point that the red flags are lifted and it becomes dangerous. This one was no exception.

Yeah i just set my boundaries out from the start now.
No walking round on all fours and barking.
No riding a bicycle round the block naked.
No trying to put an egg up my bum without cracking it.
Apart from that I like to think I'm fairly open minded tbh

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Below has worked great for me and a couple of my other buddies growing up and long into adulthood.

I think what separates some from others is the concept of "having game". This can be as subtle as fully being mindful as to receiving and giving verbal and non verbal clue. Are you aware of these clues?

Do you flirt subtlety? Are you mindful of how others flirt? Do you have a sense of humor and know how and with whom to use it? Are you engaging? What are your interests and are these sharred by your "target market". Perhaps the women you approach aren't interested in hearing about Dungeons and Dragons? (This comment might not be directed at you per se, but I promise you this basic premise is resonating with someone right now).

When I was in college all the cute girls in my classes were talking about "Luke and Laura" in some soap opera on TV. Guess what? I went home and started watching and then started engaging about Luke and Laura at my uni. Made lots of cute friends as a result. What have you done that's similar?

Just on this forum I see interesting people discussing 90 Day Fiance. My advice for you is start watching this show and start interacting in this thread to gain experience. Are you alert and aware of stuff like this on your own? If not, learn on your own how to figure this stuff out.

There are always TV shows that will have a high viewership of those with whom you want to interact. Examples during my life time include Beverly Hills 90210, Thirty Something, Friends, American Idol....

My first job after grad school everyone at work always talked about the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live, and although it was past my bedtime and I hated that new cast and I had a fiance, I watched just so I could contribute to the discussion while at work lunches on Mondays.

Do you know how to dance? Are you a good Dancer? Become one.

What music do you like? If you like heavy death metal and all your target market like Beyonce, then listen to Beyonce to have something more in common. Learn to dance GREAT to the music your target market likes. Then go to clubs and shake your money maker, baby!

Are you afraid of rejection? Get over it!!! Life is a numbers game. Learn this and accept it..... No fear!!!

Work on your overall knowledge base.

Give up video games!!!!

Watch the history Channel, discovery Channel, etc.

What do you read? Start reading more.

Are you intelligent? Become smarter.

Are you confident? Do you stand and walk confidently? Confidence attracts the opposite sex.

Do you work out? What is your physique like? Do you eat healthy? Get fitter.

I've cycled (road bike) over the years and lift weights. Getting really good at cycling has had great benefits for physical fitness (read attracts the opposite sex) and because my skill set was strong it attracts others in the sport towards me. (Read I've helped train female friends to become better riders and obtained a girl friend in the process).

What are you good at? If you answer video games, go reread what I typed above. I suggest you consider cycling, if there are reasonably safe streets to ride in your area, or swimming. Both sports develop nice lean bodies. Here is how I look at it. Perhaps 50%??? Of the females might prefer a more buff guy. (I used to play American college football. Hence, been there done that). But, most these females seeking buff guys aren't MY target market. My target market is the triathlete type body and generally they like lean dudes in return.

What does YOUR target market prefer?

What is your diet like? Eat healthy. Lots of attractive people eat healthy.... Join their club. Eat healthy and your entire essence/auroa will change.

Do you practice visualization techniques? For relationships I find this works incredibly well for myself. Try it.

From experience. I can tell you this works for me and others.

Good luck and invite ol' Chupacabra to your wedding.

 

[Mm80]

Below has worked great for me and a couple of my other buddies growing up and long into adulthood.

I think what separates some from others is the concept of "having game". This can be as subtle as fully being mindful as to receiving and giving verbal and non verbal clue. Are you aware of these clues?

Do you flirt subtlety? Are you mindful of how others flirt? Do you have a sense of humor and know how and with whom to use it? Are you engaging? What are your interests and are these sharred by your "target market". Perhaps the women you approach aren't interested in hearing about Dungeons and Dragons? (This comment might not be directed at you per se, but I promise you this basic premise is resonating with someone right now).

When I was in college all the cute girls in my classes were talking about "Luke and Laura" in some soap opera on TV. Guess what? I went home and started watching and then started engaging about Luke and Laura at my uni. Made lots of cute friends as a result. What have you done that's similar?

Just on this forum I see interesting people discussing 90 Day Fiance. My advice for you is start watching this show and start interacting in this thread to gain experience. Are you alert and aware of stuff like this on your own? If not, learn on your own how to figure this stuff out.

There are always TV shows that will have a high viewership of those with whom you want to interact. Examples during my life time include Beverly Hills 90210, Thirty Something, Friends, American Idol....

My first job after grad school everyone at work always talked about the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live, and although it was past my bedtime and I hated that new cast and I had a fiance, I watched just so I could contribute to the discussion while at work lunches on Mondays.

Do you know how to dance? Are you a good Dancer? Become one.

What music do you like? If you like heavy death metal and all your target market like Beyonce, then listen to Beyonce to have something more in common. Learn to dance GREAT to the music your target market likes. Then go to clubs and shake your money maker, baby!

Are you afraid of rejection? Get over it!!! Life is a numbers game. Learn this and accept it..... No fear!!!

Work on your overall knowledge base.

Give up video games!!!!

Watch the history Channel, discovery Channel, etc.

What do you read? Start reading more.

Are you intelligent? Become smarter.

Are you confident? Do you stand and walk confidently? Confidence attracts the opposite sex.

Do you work out? What is your physique like? Do you eat healthy? Get fitter.

I've cycled (road bike) over the years and lift weights. Getting really good at cycling has had great benefits for physical fitness (read attracts the opposite sex) and because my skill set was strong it attracts others in the sport towards me. (Read I've helped train female friends to become better riders and obtained a girl friend in the process).

What are you good at? If you answer video games, go reread what I typed above. I suggest you consider cycling, if there are reasonably safe streets to ride in your area, or swimming. Both sports develop nice lean bodies. Here is how I look at it. Perhaps 50%??? Of the females might prefer a more buff guy. (I used to play American college football. Hence, been there done that). But, most these females seeking buff guys aren't MY target market. My target market is the triathlete type body and generally they like lean dudes in return.

What does YOUR target market prefer?

What is your diet like? Eat healthy. Lots of attractive people eat healthy.... Join their club. Eat healthy and your entire essence/auroa will change.

Do you practice visualization techniques? For relationships I find this works incredibly well for myself. Try it.

From experience. I can tell you this works for me and others.

Good luck and invite ol' Chupacabra to your wedding.

Do you know something chipolata?
I know im normally your hero and you usually hang on my every post, but this advice is fucking awesome.
When you mentioned the dancing the first thing tbat came to mind was ...Saturday night Chupa ! (Pls see attached)
What are your thoughts on pelvic floor exercises?