I'm thinking about telling my parents that I want to ctb soon, has anybody ever done this? How did it go? Any tips?

[lostbattle]

I'm thinking about telling my parents that I want to ctb soon, has anybody ever done this? How did it go? Any tips?

Context: I'm almost 20, but I've been feeling suicidal ever since I was 12ish, but this last month has been the worst month in my life. Long story short, I am trans (female to male) and my family is transphobic. When I was younger I decided to never tell anyone, not transition and ctb after my brother graduated college, so that I wouldn't impact him very much (he is almost 4 years younger). Well, I wasn't very lowkey, I guess, because basically all my friends realized I was trans, without me saying anything and they were all very supportive, which surprised me and also gave me a little bit of hope. I decided I would give life a shot, but that I still wouldn't transition. I managed to convince my parents to pay for my chest reduction surgery last year and to also pay for a therapist for me. 6 months of therapy later, I realise that transitioning wouldn't absolutely ruin my life, and that I could actually be trully happy for once, so I came out to my parents, it went terribly. They don't pay for my therapy anymore, won't let me transition, during one of our discussions I ended up telling them that I was suicidal when I was younger, they think it is only because of bullying, even though that is not what I said. My father is feeling guilty and worried, my mom thinks it's some kind of a joke apparently, and I kind of don't really want to talk to them anymore.

Anyway, onto the present, I am financially dependent on them. I am studying in an univerity in another country, in an expensive city, studying a course that doesn't really leave me time to get a job that would pay for my living costs. I also love my parents and still want them in my life. I have Testosterone literally in my closet, I got a prescription and everything, I could be already taking it, but my father told me that if I did, he would cut me out (this was last month). I lost all my hope, I really wanna ctb in my birthday in December, but I also know that there is a lot of good that life could offer me, like, my life is great, but the transgender stuff is making me really depressed, so I feel like I'm losing out on everything, even though I try not to. I decided that as a last hail mary, I'd tell them how I am feeling, and kind of let them choose wether they'd rather have a trans son or a dead daughter. Has anybody ever done something like that? If so, any tips?

 

[-w-]

Yeah you definitely just should whenever you can. If your parents care and love you they will do whatever they can do your don't ctb because they still love you. I've always had a very supportive Dad and he's helped me get out of my super suicidal thoughts. I know it can be very hard in the moment but I promise you as soon as your parents understand and you get everything out you will be 1000% better. I hope you can reach out to them and ask them for help. However, if this fails maybe if you have a best friend you are close with you can ask them. (And maybe their parents if you have a good relationship with them as well) I also know that their are trans hotlines you can call so reach out to those please. I hope this works out for you and you'll feel better. <3

 

[reallysleepy]

When I read the title I was like "this is a really bad idea" but after reading the whole post I think it's a good idea to have that conversation with your parents.

Keep in mind that most probably their first reaction won't be positive, but with some time the information can get through them and they'll maybe understand. I've encountered many trans ppl that their parents didn't accepted them at first and that after a while they understood (that happened to me with my mom too, not as hardcore as your case tho).

Are you living your life as a trans man in the country you are now? If not, I'll advice to give you the chance to do it before ctbeing. To experiment and dress like you want, change your name, date who you want with your new presentation, hang with trans ppl.
I know being trans is hard, that we lose people in the process and that many doors close. But the feeling of living like yourself is way deeper, richer and more important than anything else once you start to experience it.

And if your parents don't understand maybe you can wait until you are financially independent to start hrt, testosterone is not going anywhere. I know that if you lose them that would be horrible and really painful, but new people to love and be loved by will come, and they will love you for who you are.

I'm not trying to convince you to not ctb, I myself want to die mainly because I feel so much disphoria and hate being trans lol. I just wanted to say that coming out and experimenting with my gender presentation is probably the best experience I went through. Now I feel stagnant and that I will never love myself, but the process of trying different things and getting to that realization was beautiful tbh. All the other trans ppl I know flourish after that process, so my case doesn't have to be yours, I think I just may be broken.

I hope you can find peace and meaning in this situation that I know is hard as fuck.

if you ever need to talk you can send me a private message ❤

(When I posted this a message appeared saying that this post needs to be approved by a moderator (probably because I said trans and hate and stuff), so if it posts itself in a weird moment, that's why)

 

[lostbattle]

When I read the title I was like "this is a really bad idea" but after reading the whole post I think it's a good idea to have that conversation with your parents.

Keep in mind that most probably their first reaction won't be positive, but with some time the information can get through them and they'll maybe understand. I've encountered many trans ppl that their parents didn't accepted them at first and that after a while they understood (that happened to me with my mom too, not as hardcore as your case tho).

Are you living your life as a trans man in the country you are now? If not, I'll advice to give you the chance to do it before ctbeing. To experiment and dress like you want, change your name, date who you want with your new presentation, hang with trans ppl.
I know being trans is hard, that we lose people in the process and that many doors close. But the feeling of living like yourself is way deeper, richer and more important than anything else once you start to experience it.

And if your parents don't understand maybe you can wait until you are financially independent to start hrt, testosterone is not going anywhere. I know that if you lose them that would be horrible and really painful, but new people to love and be loved by will come, and they will love you for who you are.

I'm not trying to convince you to not ctb, I myself want to die mainly because I feel so much disphoria and hate being trans lol. I just wanted to say that coming out and experimenting with my gender presentation is probably the best experience I went through. Now I feel stagnant and that I will never love myself, but the process of trying different things and getting to that realization was beautiful tbh. All the other trans ppl I know flourish after that process, so my case doesn't have to be yours, I think I just may be broken.

I hope you can find peace and meaning in this situation that I know is hard as fuck.

if you ever need to talk you can send me a private message ❤

(When I posted this a message appeared saying that this post needs to be approved by a moderator (probably because I said trans and hate and stuff), so if it posts itself in a weird moment, that's why)

i am half out, some close friends know and treat me like a guy, but for most people i am not out yet. I do dress masc and stuff, but I haven't picked out a name yet, so I am putting off coming out to everybody else.

btw, I haven't told my parents yet, but I probably will in the next 15 minutes. I told my therapist and he said he'd send them a text tomorrow if I didn't tell them myself. My therapist supports lgbt, tho and my father forbid me from talking to him, so I am having sessions with him secretly lol. I will update the situation after talking to them

Thank you for your reply tho, it's giving me strength to actually call them lol i'm hella nervous <3

 

[reallysleepy]

i am half out, some close friends know and treat me like a guy, but for most people i am not out yet. I do dress masc and stuff, but I haven't picked out a name yet, so I am putting off coming out to everybody else.

btw, I haven't told my parents yet, but I probably will in the next 15 minutes. I told my therapist and he said he'd send them a text tomorrow if I didn't tell them myself. My therapist supports lgbt, tho and my father forbid me from talking to him, so I am having sessions with him secretly lol. I will update the situation after talking to them

Thank you for your reply tho, it's giving me strength to actually call them lol i'm hella nervous <3

How did it go? I hope everything went smoothly

 

[reallysleepy]

How are you @lostbattle ? I hope everything is better ❤

 

[dying_inside]

I'm thinking about telling my parents that I want to ctb soon, has anybody ever done this? How did it go? Any tips?

Context: I'm almost 20, but I've been feeling suicidal ever since I was 12ish, but this last month has been the worst month in my life. Long story short, I am trans (female to male) and my family is transphobic. When I was younger I decided to never tell anyone, not transition and ctb after my brother graduated college, so that I wouldn't impact him very much (he is almost 4 years younger). Well, I wasn't very lowkey, I guess, because basically all my friends realized I was trans, without me saying anything and they were all very supportive, which surprised me and also gave me a little bit of hope. I decided I would give life a shot, but that I still wouldn't transition. I managed to convince my parents to pay for my chest reduction surgery last year and to also pay for a therapist for me. 6 months of therapy later, I realise that transitioning wouldn't absolutely ruin my life, and that I could actually be trully happy for once, so I came out to my parents, it went terribly. They don't pay for my therapy anymore, won't let me transition, during one of our discussions I ended up telling them that I was suicidal when I was younger, they think it is only because of bullying, even though that is not what I said. My father is feeling guilty and worried, my mom thinks it's some kind of a joke apparently, and I kind of don't really want to talk to them anymore.

Anyway, onto the present, I am financially dependent on them. I am studying in an univerity in another country, in an expensive city, studying a course that doesn't really leave me time to get a job that would pay for my living costs. I also love my parents and still want them in my life. I have Testosterone literally in my closet, I got a prescription and everything, I could be already taking it, but my father told me that if I did, he would cut me out (this was last month). I lost all my hope, I really wanna ctb in my birthday in December, but I also know that there is a lot of good that life could offer me, like, my life is great, but the transgender stuff is making me really depressed, so I feel like I'm losing out on everything, even though I try not to. I decided that as a last hail mary, I'd tell them how I am feeling, and kind of let them choose wether they'd rather have a trans son or a dead daughter. Has anybody ever done something like that? If so, any tips?

Hello! I have quite an interesting story if you would want to know, but I would much rather share it possibly via email or private messages if that's okay!

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

I think you should say something about it and how long you've been struggling. There's a lot of bad stories out there, but there's also stories that end well. It's better to have at least made the effort to achieve the good ending. 3 weeks before I planned to CTB I told them I've been struggling with PTSD and things aren't improving. They hadn't taken it seriously or understood how difficult things were.

 

[rosenwasser]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a very claustrophobic place to be in with no easy way out. I don't have much experience with dysphoria personally but know how debilitating it can be from trans people I know.

However, since we are in the recovery section: You sound like a person that could live a happy and fulfilling life of you get out of the place where you are now and transition. You know that this is what you want and need, you go to uni and you have a lot of life ahead of you. Of course you might transition and there might be new issues that arise or new pain because of being trans in today's society. But I know a few trans people and even though some of them still suffer from mental health issues, the majority of them got much better and flourished because of their transition. This (anecdotal) experience gives me hope for you as well and I sincerely wish that you get to experience living authentically as the person you are.

You have probably already talked to your parents - I do hope everything went smoothly but know that often the first reaction can be shock, denial and rejection. If your parents love you, they will eventually come around. I'm a lesbian and needed to leave my family a few years back. I don't think I'll hear from my father ever again, but my mom tries to text me every now and then. It's rare and it took years but there is something.

What I'm trying to say: The struggles you are experiencing are issues that in my experience can get better and can be solved - if this is something you wish for yourself. I won't tell you that suicide is the wrong choice in this situation because I don't know your life. But I would encourage you to at least try fully transitioning before making that decision.

I worked in queer community services in my city for some time - there were groups for queer people in unsupportive families, community housing and social events that allowed people to just be themselves. Maybe there is something in your area as well? It's completely understandable if you don't have the energy for that right now.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

I deal with PTSD, which has its own set of difficulties. I told my parents screaming at me over the phone because some small random thing gives me flashbacks. Also telling me how I'm screwing up when I share things about my life gives me panic attacks. They love me, but they are people too with their own issues. They tried to change, but after a year I don't think they'll make reasonable progress without their own therapist, which they don't want to do. I don't think you should make the decision to CTB based on your parents bias' and perspectives.

My psychologist told me I need to stop talking to them if I want to recover. Regardless of what happened or the reasons this is difficult. I don't want to feel like I want to die so I'm going to tell them to get whatever they need or say whatever they want over a month and cut them off.