I'm thinking about stopping my meds

[WishICouldGo]

Hello to all!
I'm posting this more as personal rant/reflection than a discussion, so please forgive me if I've put it in a wrong category. And if course I'd welcome everyone to share their thoughts and opinions if they'd like to do so!

So, I've been depressed for several decades now. My episodes come and go (I suspect a lot of you can understand that cycle), but nothing really significantly improves and I'm just tired. Suicide is always at the back of my mind. I don't have any reasons to stay alive. I'm a worthless being, too stupid and lazy to achieve anything or to make any kind of difference. I honestly think killing myself is my best option and the greatest act of kindness I could show myself. But I'm scared to do it. Right now, because I'm medicated, I have enough of self-preservation instincts and "rational" thoughts to talk myself out of even attempting.

And that's why I'm thinking about stopping my antidepressants. I know from experience that stopping cold turkey is not fun and can be brutal, but what if it's going to be enough to push me over the edge? I have 2 possible methods in mind that I think have a decent chance of success. I just need something to make it easier to try!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Don't stop your meds "cold turkey". You need to wean yourself off them. Your body won't be able to adjust without them immediately just cut off. If you don't end up ctb, you could do some damage (there are forums for long term effects from SSRIs, etc, including from stopping them too quickly). Might as well do it right if you're going to do it. It doesn't make sense to do yourself more harm in case you do decide to live. Someone with more experience will respond.