Venting im such a fucking loser

[L.D.50]

i don't know what to do with myself at this point, I'm so far behind in life and i hate it so much. i can't compete, the fact that i am where i am now infuriates me. i would ctb but i want to at least get my high school diploma before i decide. if i did that at 18 with no diploma, I'd really be a total screw up. even if i did it i would want to be happy with the fact that i was able to graduate.
My cousin just told me today that she's pursuing a PhD, i was honestly really happy for her but the whole conversation made me want to blow my head off. every day i wish i was born into a more fortunate position, where i would have the opportunity to do what i truly wanted for myself.
My partner is an inspiring engineer, and he works really hard and has a genuine passion for what he does. he always supports me and assures me that it doesn't matter, but i can't help but feel ashamed of myself.
i don't know why it bothers me so much, i know it the end it won't matter but i feel such a bitter resentment towards myself for not doing enough so i keep pursuing.

i hope i can feel proud in my life eventually, or at least be happy of what i accomplished until the end

 

[somewhatdeadly]

diploma dont mean anything just a piece of paper doesnt change any real value of you as a person,a human being.

 

[katara]

diploma dont mean anything just a piece of paper doesnt change any real value of you as a person,a human being.

Most ppl graduate high school so it does say something if u didn't do it. My mom doesn't care that I didn't finish but it makes me feel a lot of shame.

 

[TheCavernousDeep.]

i hope i can feel proud in my life eventually, or at least be happy of what i accomplished until the end

That's the dream huh! Just to be proud. Idk. I don't have anything reassuring to say other then that I feel you. Shame is the worst of all human emotions. It feels like it just grows and grows. Idk how to beat it. I'm sure it must be possible, but it seems rather difficult.

 

[somewhatdeadly]

Most ppl graduate high school so it does say something if u didn't do it. My mom doesn't care that I didn't finish but it makes me feel a lot of shame.

i don't know i graduated high school but for me i did not felt like i accomplished anything at all. this isn't even a actual goal just something have been imposed onto you or sm idk.

 

[SadGirl]

i don't know what to do with myself at this point, I'm so far behind in life and i hate it so much. i can't compete, the fact that i am where i am now infuriates me. i would ctb but i want to at least get my high school diploma before i decide. if i did that at 18 with no diploma, I'd really be a total screw up. even if i did it i would want to be happy with the fact that i was able to graduate.
My cousin just told me today that she's pursuing a PhD, i was honestly really happy for her but the whole conversation made me want to blow my head off. every day i wish i was born into a more fortunate position, where i would have the opportunity to do what i truly wanted for myself.
My partner is an inspiring engineer, and he works really hard and has a genuine passion for what he does. he always supports me and assures me that it doesn't matter, but i can't help but feel ashamed of myself.
i don't know why it bothers me so much, i know it the end it won't matter but i feel such a bitter resentment towards myself for not doing enough so i keep pursuing.

i hope i can feel proud in my life eventually, or at least be happy of what i accomplished until the end

I have depression and other disorders, and I was recently hospitalized for 18 days. It was bad, but I learned a lot, like the value of life, and that we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves and think about tomorrow, but rather about the present, you know? Don't feel ashamed, I'm 26 years old and haven't achieved much. And that's okay, everything happens in its own time. It's easy to say, but that's the truth. Be proud of who you are. And fight to achieve what you want.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

As someone who is traditionally successful in some metrics (and a failure in others!) and who is considerably older than you, that feeling of shame will never go away no matter how accomplished you become. It's propaganda meant to keep you on the hamster wheel. I strongly encourage you to get your diploma and then explore the workforce. High school was cruel to me but the workforce was so much kinder and I learned so much more.