Story I’m still alive

[hatelife]

What was your regime with amitriptyline,? Why did it fail? What was the experience?

I took some meto before and took 84 pieces of 50mg dose.so thats 4,2 grams, according to PPH u need 8-11 grams but online I read its around 5 grams, anyways doctors told me I would have still died if not found early like I was and I feel asleep after 2 minutes n then I unconsciously woke up and went to call my mom, then I collapsed on the floor and started convulsing or shaking unconsciously for 30 min before ambulance came and they put all kinds of tubes in me there and put me into a coma to prevent brain damage, and let me be there for a while until I woke up after some hours or day...got no brain damage from it, but I did start to stutter after it happened a bit but thank God It came back to normal all of it after a day.

I never throw up after it btw..the doctors pumped my stomach and took it out,,

I also ordered them online without real prescriptions...

 

[Carina]

I'm so sorry. We are always here regardless though. But you know that!

 

[EmptyArms]

Dont worry about reporting your regime and experience right now. You dont owe that to anyone. There will be plenty of time later if you feel compelled to share that kind of data. Right now just rest, take all kind thoughts and wishes and try to take it easy on yourself. So many people are rooting for you to feel better love.

 

[NextSummer]

Thank you for sharing your story!

I am curious because I plan to use SN as well, feel free to answer only when you are fine, but I still wonder
1) you didn't experience any pain right? increased heart beat rate? shallow breathing?
2) what was the time you first felt the effects and when did you puke? I know you didn't check the time, but roughly, was it an hour, or 20 minutes, or how much?
3) would you repeat ctb via SN?

 

[Skyview]

Wishing you well on your recovery Lotus , take care

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, Lotus. Hope you recover well.

 

[OneBigBlur]

Posts like these bother me because of how inhumane people are. This is why I can't risk making a reckless attempt, these people will do everything to force you to stay alive if you fail.

 

[Daffodil]

I'm very sorry you had to go through this. I'm curious how they found you at the hotel? Did they call every hotel? In which case, I would need to drive further away.

 

[heheb27595]

SN doesn't seem effective. Cyanide would have done the trick.

 

[purplemoon]

I'm hoping they continue to treat you decently... whatever you do just roll with it to get free sooner...

& please DELETE YOUR INTERNET HISTORY each time you log off here because they might search your phone... (sorry for the all caps, i know, dramatic but hey it helps me remember as well, LOL) & maybe add a phone code lock so they cannot just explore all of your private stuff.

How on you earth did they find your hotel? Was it your phone "sharing your location" maybe?

Be super cooperative with them so they don't do anything scary... just nod & smile & thank them etc (*eyes rolling*) yeeesh...

SN doesn't seem effective. Cyanide would have done the trick.

You're right, true...
but where can one get cyanide ?
*Theoretically* (not at Walgreens Lol)

 

[Saddad]

I took some meto before and took 84 pieces of 50mg dose.so thats 4,2 grams, according to PPH u need 8-11 grams but online I read its around 5 grams, anyways doctors told me I would have still died if not found early like I was and I feel asleep after 2 minutes n then I unconsciously woke up and went to call my mom, then I collapsed on the floor and started convulsing or shaking unconsciously for 30 min before ambulance came and they put all kinds of tubes in me there and put me into a coma to prevent brain damage, and let me be there for a while until I woke up after some hours or day...got no brain damage from it, but I did start to stutter after it happened a bit but thank God It came back to normal all of it after a day.

I never throw up after it btw..the doctors pumped my stomach and took it out,,

I also ordered them online without real prescriptions...

Sounds like a nightmare

I've got 56 tabs at 25mg, a guy was telling me he had a 3rd of a 75mg and it knocked him cold for 3 days! He had an infection in his cheek where he hadn't moved.

Was thinking they must be pretty potent.

I have 0 opiod tolerance and have a lot of oxy meto H and ami.

Was trying to come up with a plan that gives me a euphoria then sleep and peaceful death.

I'm sure its achievable with my supplies but I need some expertise advice in dosage ect so i dont just end up vomiting everywhere or being a veggie for the rest of my life.

I have SN also but some describe discomfort during it. Maybe I could down some ami and as I start to nod drink?

Nitrogen is plan c.

The house im in has become a suicide workshop lol

 

[hatelife]

Sounds like a nightmare

I've got 56 tabs at 25mg, a guy was telling me he had a 3rd of a 75mg and it knocked him cold for 3 days! He had an infection in his cheek where he hadn't moved.

Was thinking they must be pretty potent.

I have 0 opiod tolerance and have a lot of oxy meto H and ami.

Was trying to come up with a plan that gives me a euphoria then sleep and peaceful death.

I'm sure its achievable with my supplies but I need some expertise advice in dosage ect so i dont just end up vomiting everywhere or being a veggie for the rest of my life.

I have SN also but some describe discomfort during it. Maybe I could down some ami and as I start to nod drink?

Nitrogen is plan c.

The house im in has become a suicide workshop lol

im not sure Im No expert, but that is only 1400 mg, also ami takes at least or can take up to 24 hours to kill one. its in the PPH https://mega.nz/#F!0w9GxAYb!BCQsghRpneVXDXoGwuQEOg!t5NEkKhC

but ofc I hope u dont do it and find help hopefully, so many ppl on here deserve to live they are so kind and sweet compared to the rest outside there

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

I am sorry you has such a bad experience, but maybe it's just not your time. I hope they treat you well at the hospital, and I really truly hope maybe you can find whatever it is you need to carry on and get into a recovery mindset. There has been a lot of good posts in Recovery lately.

I am glad you did not have to experience much if any pain.

Meto is a nasty drug for some people. I tested just a single 5mg dose and felt horrible for 2 days after. No way I could do a 2 day prep with it.

The other day someone described the SN method as "Clunky". With all the prep meds, all the variations in dosing advice...then there are the stories of people who don't vomit with no prep, and people who follow the instructions exactly and puke anyway.

I don't know how the reliability and peacefulness of the SN method can have any numeric rating in the PPH at all other than "*" Of course the PPH reports the cases where a person had no side effects and was unconscious at 10 minutes. They are promoting this as being quick and peaceful with a rating of 7 out of 10 based on 2 reported observations is irresponsible. I am becoming less and less a fan of "The bad boy of euthanasia" EI is just scrambling to put out updates to get their esales up.

This forum has painted a much broader picture of what SN can do as far as failure, side effects, and peacefulness , than what is published by EI.

The SN method seems to work in a highly individual way... I have no doubt of it's lethality. However, (and this has been my concern from the moment I learned of this method) it seems like death by SN has a huge range of both time and symptoms. I can only think has to be based on each persons unique physiology, this makes it impossible to predict what a person may or may not experience.

I think anyone considering this method should know there is no guarantee how this will work on them. From the posts and experiences on this forum alone you can see 2 people following the same exact process having vastly different experiences. Unless of course the stories of failure are fabricated, but in most cases I doubt that.

1 person can be Knocked out in minutes, while another can be awake and aware for 20 minutes or longer. both following the same regimen.

 

[Jean4]

I am sorry you has such a bad experience, but maybe it's just not your time. I hope they treat you well at the hospital, and I really truly hope maybe you can find whatever it is you need to carry on and get into a recovery mindset. There has been a lot of good posts in Recovery lately.

The other day someone described the SN method as "Clunky". With all the prep meds, all the variations in dosing advice... I don't know how this method can have any numeric rating in the PPH at all other than "*" Of course the PPH reports the cases where a person had no side effects and was unconscious at 10 minutes. Why they are promoting this as being peaceful with a rating of 7 out of 10 based on 2 reported observations is irresponsible. I am becoming less and less a fan of "The bad boy of euthanasia"

The SN method seems to work in a highly individual way... I have no doubt of it's lethality. However, (and this has been my concern from the moment of learned of this method) it seems like death by SN has a huge range of both time and symptoms. I can only think has to be based on each persons unique physiology, this makes it impossible to predict what a person may or may not experience.

Stan had no problems and it hit him so fast he didn't have time to deactivate his account as he planned.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Stan had no problems and it hit him so fast he didn't have time to deactivate his account as he planned.

Thank God, I am glad it worked for him as intended. Well not glad.. I mean it sucks that he is gone, but I am glad he did not suffer. It seems likes it works as intended for some people. But it certainly is good to hear the other stories , so people know what they may be getting into.

 

[Jean4]

Thank God, I am glad it worked for him as intended. Well not glad.. I mean it sucks that he is gone, but I am glad he did not suffer. It seems likes it works as intended for some people. But it certainly is good to hear the other stories , so people know what they may be getting into.

That's why I don't buy it didn't work. More likely, if it didn't with they were either found or didn't follow Stan's guide.

 

[Saddad]

im not sure Im No expert, but that is only 1400 mg, also ami takes at least or can take up to 24 hours to kill one. its in the PPH https://mega.nz/#F!0w9GxAYb!BCQsghRpneVXDXoGwuQEOg!t5NEkKhC

but ofc I hope u dont do it and find help hopefully, so many ppl on here deserve to live they are so kind and sweet compared to the rest outside there

My situation is possibly going to become pretty unbearable.

Need the ticket ready to punch.

Tried nitro got close but dont think it's for me. Feels to engineered and aesthetic is not great. But given no choice I can vouch it is not painful at all.

I want to have the euphoria and loose all inhibitions about finding peace.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Thank you for sharing your story!

I am curious because I plan to use SN as well, feel free to answer only when you are fine, but I still wonder
1) you didn't experience any pain right? increased heart beat rate? shallow breathing?
2) what was the time you first felt the effects and when did you puke? I know you didn't check the time, but roughly, was it an hour, or 20 minutes, or how much?
3) would you repeat ctb via SN?

..Bump..

I have the exact same questions.

I hope they treat you well. I hope you're feeling better soon.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

SN doesn't seem effective. Cyanide would have done the trick.

Any method can be be effective if you plan well and you're not found. No method has a guarantee. That's why people try to make sure they're not found to soon.

 

[Lotus]

Thank you for all your kind replies. It somehow lighents up the empty shell that is my body. I'm now at the psych ward, and an acquaintance of me that apparently works there showed up in my room to bring me food. It was so humiliating. I was kind of trying to see if I could change my mindset about all of this, but this is just a slap in the face. They will decide in a few hours or so if I have to stay here anymore. I just want to get out of here now. I'm behaving at my best, so I'll just have to wait and see.

I'm so sorry. We are always here regardless though. But you know that!

Thank you so much for reminding me.

Dont worry about reporting your regime and experience right now. You dont owe that to anyone. There will be plenty of time later if you feel compelled to share that kind of data. Right now just rest, take all kind thoughts and wishes and try to take it easy on yourself. So many people are rooting for you to feel better love.

Thank you for such a beautiful post.

Thank you for sharing your story!

I am curious because I plan to use SN as well, feel free to answer only when you are fine, but I still wonder
1) you didn't experience any pain right? increased heart beat rate? shallow breathing?
2) what was the time you first felt the effects and when did you puke? I know you didn't check the time, but roughly, was it an hour, or 20 minutes, or how much?
3) would you repeat ctb via SN?

I didn't experience any pain or some sort of shallow breathing. I remember my heart was beating faster and faster, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. That was the first sign I experienced after I had ingested it, and it happened fast. I think it took like 20 minutes before I puked. After I puked I felt completely fine and was able to check out and pay for my hotel reservation, until I suddenly woke up laying on the floor. Then I was experiencing loss of vision, and then I don't really remember much. And yes, I'm going to use SN again if I will attempt to ctb again. I will not repeat my mistakes though. Even though I was very ready to ctb, I realize that I was prepared for doing the 48 hour regimen, and not the stat dose. Now I have time to get the antiemetics that I can handle though, if I want to go for the 48 hour regimen.

Wishing you well on your recovery Lotus , take care

Thank you. It means a lot.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, Lotus. Hope you recover well.

Thank you for your kind words and support.

I'm very sorry you had to go through this. I'm curious how they found you at the hotel? Did they call every hotel? In which case, I would need to drive further away.

They called the hotel, yes. I don't really know how the system works, but I'm surprised by how effective they are to find someone. But yeah, as someone else was talking about, it's wise to turn off your phone. Other than that I think the police in my country has a routine where they contact all the bus companies, hotels etc. when they are trying to find a person. If you're not being treated for any mental illnesses you're probably safe though.

Best wishes for the weeks ahead.
It'll be okay, just try to regroup....

Feel free to update us here as often as you feel like it....

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I'm hoping they continue to treat you decently... whatever you do just roll with it to get free sooner...

& please DELETE YOUR INTERNET HISTORY each time you log off here because they might search your phone... (sorry for the all caps, i know, dramatic but hey it helps me remember as well, LOL) & maybe add a phone code lock so they cannot just explore all of your private stuff.

How on you earth did they find your hotel? Was it your phone "sharing your location" maybe?

Be super cooperative with them so they don't do anything scary... just nod & smile & thank them etc (*eyes rolling*) yeeesh...

Thanks, that's my plan as well. And I'm keeping my online stuff private.

 

[JSauter]

I've been to two psych hospital s and both times they stripped me of all my belongings.

They let you keep your phone (if you're using it to post on the forum)?

 

[EmptyArms]

I hope you are not feeling too bad this morning.

 

[NextSummer]

I didn't experience any pain or some sort of shallow breathing. I remember my heart was beating faster and faster, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. That was the first sign I experienced after I had ingested it, and it happened fast. I think it took like 20 minutes before I puked. After I puked I felt completely fine and was able to check out and pay for my hotel reservation, until I suddenly woke up laying on the floor. Then I was experiencing loss of vision, and then I don't really remember much. And yes, I'm going to use SN again if I will attempt to ctb again. I will not repeat my mistakes though. Even though I was very ready to ctb, I realize that I was prepared for doing the 48 hour regimen, and not the stat dose. Now I have time to get the antiemetics that I can handle though, if I want to go for the 48 hour regimen.

Thank you for your answer. What I don't understand is: Didn't you say that the police and ambulance showed up after you drank SN? Didn't the doctor check you? Why did they let you check out? what was the plan? that you go home?

 

[Lotus]

Thank you for your answer. What I don't understand is: Didn't you say that the police and ambulance showed up after you drank SN? Didn't the doctor check you? Why did they let you check out? what was the plan? that you go home?

I was still very calm and in a good state when they showed up. The situation wasn't dramatic until I got to the hotel reception, so I don't think they understood that I already had ingested it. I think that they just wanted to cooperate with me and handle the situation quietly and with ease. They were supposed to bring me to the hospital for a general check up, until things escalated and I was rushed to the hospital.

I've been to two psych hospital s and both times they stripped me of all my belongings.

They let you keep your phone (if you're using it to post on the forum)?

I had nothing when I was laying at the ICU. After a while I was transported to the department for kidney diseases, and they went through all my belongings. I got to keep my phone, but they took all liquid stuff from me and of course all my meds. When I got to the psych ward I received everything back except for my meds. I got those back when I left, except for the SN.

I hope you are not feeling too bad this morning.

Thanks. I'm back home now. I'm a little surprised since it just happened a few days ago, but they said that they couldn't hold me longer if I didn't want to stay. Now I feel extremely empty inside and I'm a little anxious of what's going to happen now. I have a session with my psychiatrist later today, so I'll see how that turns out.

 

[RedFive]

SN doesn't seem effective. Cyanide would have done the trick.

no, that's not true.

its a certainty when done right. OP was found way too soon.

 

[Lotus]

no, that's not true.

its a certainty we done right. OP was found way too soon.

I am very certain that you're right. I am very curious to read my medical records, so I will try to get a hold on them this week. They described my ctb attempt as very severe and my level of metheamoglobin got close to the lethal concentration even though they were quick with giving me the antidot, so the main factor was probably that I was found right after I had ingested it. Sorry, but I'm feeling quite bitter right now, mostly on myself.

I can update the thread again if I get a hold on my medical records.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Hope you are ok. Do take care..

 

[notjustyetagain]

i'm truly sorry for the trauma and hassles you've gone through. hoping you manage to convince them you're not a danger to yourself, i.e. no more random welfare checks -- leaving you to live your life, or not, as you please. in the meantime, try to be kind to yourself and know that none of this was your fault, and focus on the fact that you'll be free again soon. not soon enough, perhaps, but it will happen. no use fighting the system once you're in it; best just to tell them how much you regret your decision, how much you appreciate all their help, and how you've found a new lease on life and look forward to a long, positive, and vigorous future. ;)

re sharing your experiences: it's of tremendous value to know as much as possible about the SN experience prior to using it as a method, for all the members who've chosen SN as their path. thank you very much!

 

[Lotus]

Thank you for all the support and love I've received. I'm at home and feeling very empty right now, but I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow. Hopefully he will show me some of my medical records from the hospital. I'll update here when I have them.

Physically I'm OK, but I have lost all sensation in my left upper arm. I'm going to ask my doctor about it tomorrow, but I'm guessing that it's permanent damage. It's not the worst damage to get, but I kind of have to get used to it and process what has happened. Thanks again for all your very sweet messages.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

Helping a homeless guy tomorrow at 4 o'clock then will think of ways to end it.