I'm so useless I can't even ctb

[kai2001]

Last year, I ordered SN online from a neighbouring country and then cancelled it last minute because I got scared of customs checks. I'm also way too much of a coward to go through with a method as brutal as hanging, jumping from a tall building or in front of a train. And I'm also too empathetic and don't want to traumatise people when I eventually do it. So the only method left for me to actually consider is taking another OD that isn't SN... but I'm too stupid and don't know shit about science to even figure out the right dose. I have sleeping pills (diphenylamine) but have seen some posts on here that said they require insane doses to become lethal. Same for sertraline. And I don't know any other over the counter meds that could do the job. I'm just so f***ing incompetent and incapable that I can't even end my pathetic existence. I wish euthanasia was a thing where I live, but we're too backwards for that - and going to another country isn't gonna work either because you'd need a terminal illness for that. It's all so frustrating, if there was an official way people to end their life on their own terms it would avoid so much suffering, but people are too stuck in their comfortable old ways. Sorry, I really had to vent about this

 

[schizodefective]

OD on dyphenhydramine or sertraline is nearly impossible. I heard about a guy taking the lethal dose for 2 weeks straight and nothing happened. If it's meant to be you will find a way though. I hope you can find some peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

OD is probably not successful again. An OD is as individual as all of us are.

Have you considered the CO method? It's pretty much painless, no SI kicking in in the crucial moments, you sleep already. But it's to be very well prepared.

 

[lostininjury]

I feel for you. The pain you must be feeling must be imense. I am in that phase too of not wanting to traumatize my loved ones, especially with the methods that are scary and gruesome. I wish there were a peaceful method you coulduse for you comfort and piece of mind.

 

[kai2001]

Of course I meant dyphenhydramine, autocorrect. Anyway thanks for the encouraging words to everyone who replied, appreciate it

 

[FuneralCry]

Anything otc isn't really recommended for ctb, I think that if people could easily ctb in such a way then those ways would be restricted from people. And the fact that you struggle to ctb isn't your fault, it's the fault of this anti-suicide society where people are cruelly denied options of reliable ways to leave, suicide really is so unnecessary difficult in this world and of course it's so disgusting how there isn't some straightforward, guaranteed and peaceful method option.

I hate how we exist in a world where suicide isn't accepted as a valid option as the fact is that not everyone wants to suffer endlessly until they die anyway, it's like many people forget that we are all just going to die anyway. Jumping, hanging and trains just sound like terrifying methods to me that can be risky, it's so horrible how brutal methods are the only option for so many, it just proves that we exist in hell, there certainly is a lack of compassion towards the suffering that people go through in this cruel world.

 

[picklemick]

Ctb is more difficult than it should be. Don't be hard on yourself