Venting I'm so tired of staying alive for nothing

[deaddogsfuneral]

Last night I was going to attempt suicide via jumping from a bridge. Unfortunately for me, the fencing placed on it was too sturdy to squeeze through and I couldn't find a vantage point on the sides of the bridge. This meant I had to take the long walk of shame back home while apologizing to everyone I had just said my goodbyes to. I had to "promise" over and over that I was safe and that I wouldn't be doing anything else. After getting home I just sobbed into my pillow for an hour and a half.

A little over half a year ago my girlfriend broke up with me to be with another person. I had known her for 7 years and had been dating her for 4, and we were planning on getting engaged. The breakup happened about a week after our anniversary. Ever since then I've just been so depressed. I'm crying in my bed every day, I'm neglecting my health, I'm either over or under-eating. Everything is just terrible all the time now. I think the worst part is that I don't even hate her after this. I'm still so in love with her and she's all I can think about and it's killing me. I feel like the only reason I'm still here is I have some naive hope inside me that it'll work out and we'll get back together, but I know that's not going to happen.

After half a year of this I just don't think I can handle it anymore. I know she and all the other people close to me will be heartbroken if I go but I don't want to keep forcing myself to live for nothing anymore. I just want to close my eyes and never open them again.

 

[dinosavr]

So sorry you have to experience this pain :(
Have you tried therapy or meds? Maybe you don't have to go this way. I'm not sure if you've been suicidal before but even after these 6 months you probably noticed that society lies to us and life isn't so fragile after all and it's pretty difficult to actually ctb.
If you experienced happiness before, when you were with her, I know for sure you're capable to experience it again, alone or with someone else.
Whatever you choose, I hope you can find peace as soon as possible. You deserve it <3

 

[deaddogsfuneral]

So sorry you have to experience this pain :(
Have you tried therapy or meds? Maybe you don't have to go this way. I'm not sure if you've been suicidal before but even after these 6 months you probably noticed that society lies to us and life isn't so fragile after all and it's pretty difficult to actually ctb.
If you experienced happiness before, when you were with her, I know for sure you're capable to experience it again, alone or with someone else.
Whatever you choose, I hope you can find peace as soon as possible. You deserve it <3

Hi, I'm medicated and I have a therapist. My only real problem is that my medication isn't helping since so much of what I'm feeling is from an external source instead of an internal one, if that makes sense. I've at least been trying to work it out with my therapist, but I don't think it's done too much yet.

 

[dinosavr]

Hi, I'm medicated and I have a therapist. My only real problem is that my medication isn't helping since so much of what I'm feeling is from an external source instead of an internal one, if that makes sense. I've at least been trying to work it out with my therapist, but I don't think it's done too much yet.

I get it, it sucks how difficult and tiring therapy is… Sometimes it feels like there's no way for it to work and you're stuck. I wish they talked about it more, because everyone is just like "oh you're depressed, go see a therapist" and then fuck you, you either start feeling better or you're on your own. Everyone would just consider you stubborn and selfish :( That's not how you are I hope you know. Whichever way you choose you are the only one who knows how much it takes to fight for your life when you're doing it just because you don't want to hurt others. You're more than allowed though to think about yourself, not about them. It's your life and yours only!

 

[soulkitty]

Im so sorry it can be incredibly painful being left by a person you love so deeply, especially when they choose someone else over you, it is extremely crushing. Everyday becomes a struggle to just survive. I hate that you are going through this pain, I hope youre able to find relief from this pain soon and i really hope your suffering diminishes eventually

 

[deaddogsfuneral]

Im so sorry it can be incredibly painful being left by a person you love so deeply, especially when they choose someone else over you, it is extremely crushing. Everyday becomes a struggle to just survive. I hate that you are going through this pain, I hope youre able to find relief from this pain soon and i really hope your suffering diminishes eventually

Thank you. I'm really trying my best to live while dealing with it. I just don't think my best is enough.

 

[dolfin]

Last night I was going to attempt suicide via jumping from a bridge. Unfortunately for me, the fencing placed on it was too sturdy to squeeze through and I couldn't find a vantage point on the sides of the bridge. This meant I had to take the long walk of shame back home while apologizing to everyone I had just said my goodbyes to. I had to "promise" over and over that I was safe and that I wouldn't be doing anything else. After getting home I just sobbed into my pillow for an hour and a half.

A little over half a year ago my girlfriend broke up with me to be with another person. I had known her for 7 years and had been dating her for 4, and we were planning on getting engaged. The breakup happened about a week after our anniversary. Ever since then I've just been so depressed. I'm crying in my bed every day, I'm neglecting my health, I'm either over or under-eating. Everything is just terrible all the time now. I think the worst part is that I don't even hate her after this. I'm still so in love with her and she's all I can think about and it's killing me. I feel like the only reason I'm still here is I have some naive hope inside me that it'll work out and we'll get back together, but I know that's not going to happen.

After half a year of this I just don't think I can handle it anymore. I know she and all the other people close to me will be heartbroken if I go but I don't want to keep forcing myself to live for nothing anymore. I just want to close my eyes and never open them again.

Pal, I understand you might feel hopeless for what is going on right now, but you must put aside your emotions for a second and reflect. If she did this to you it isn't because you weren't good enough, but because she wasn't interested in you as a person and she was rather interested on something else, may it be money, attention, or who knows what. Some women are vicious and manipulative, and leaving you for someone else means she's going to squeeze and exploit this new partner and repeat the cycle again. Come out of this as a new person, as a winner with an experience; may this be a lesson rather than a punishment because life is what our mind makes it.

 

[deaddogsfuneral]

Pal, I understand you might feel hopeless for what is going on right now, but you must put aside your emotions for a second and reflect. If she did this to you it isn't because you weren't good enough, but because she wasn't interested in you as a person and she was rather interested on something else, may it be money, attention, or who knows what. Some women are vicious and manipulative, and leaving you for someone else means she's going to squeeze and exploit this new partner and repeat the cycle again. Come out of this as a new person, as a winner with an experience; may this be a lesson rather than a punishment because life is what our mind makes it.

Hi, please don't speak about this like you know this person. I've been close to them both platonically and romantically for nearly a decade and I don't appreciate being spoken to like I don't know their character. I'm well aware that what they did was wrong, and they have acknowledged it was wrong as well. I'm sorry if that came off as harsh but I really didn't like the way you phrased this.

 

[dolfin]

Hi, please don't speak about this like you know this person. I've been close to them both platonically and romantically for nearly a decade and I don't appreciate being spoken to like I don't know their character. I'm well aware that what they did was wrong, and they have acknowledged it was wrong as well. I'm sorry if that came off as harsh but I really didn't like the way you phrased this.

My apologies, I could've expressed myself better, maybe if you were to give me more intel it could be better for me to help you, I just can't stand sitting here helplessly as another soul is lost because of neglect and selfishness, I know this website is pro-choice, but it should be reflect upon with a clear and lucid mind.

Sorry again for what I said, you said you still loved her and it was wrong for me to assume these things blidnly.

 

[deaddogsfuneral]

My apologies, I could've expressed myself better, maybe if you were to give me more intel it could be better for me to help you, I just can't stand sitting here helplessly as another soul is lost because of neglect and selfishness, I know this website is pro-choice, but it should be reflect upon with a clear and lucid mind.

Sorry again for what I said, you said you still loved her and it was wrong for me to assume these things blidnly.

Thank you, I forgive you for the reply. I understand the urge to help and maybe I should have been a bit more in depth, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable to explain it in full detail yet. I'm currently not planning anything, I just needed to vent about my situation and the night I had.

 

[LevUwU]

Hi, I'm medicated and I have a therapist. My only real problem is that my medication isn't helping since so much of what I'm feeling is from an external source instead of an internal one, if that makes sense. I've at least been trying to work it out with my therapist, but I don't think it's done too much yet.

I feel this. Meds and therapy feel like a placebo more than anything, and I know my loved ones will be heartbroken but it's so painful to keep going, yet here I am. Sending you lots of love <3

 

[dolfin]

Thank you, I forgive you for the reply. I understand the urge to help and maybe I should have been a bit more in depth, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable to explain it in full detail yet. I'm currently not planning anything, I just needed to vent about my situation and the night I had.

Glad to hear, hey, you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed for not succeeding in your suicide attempt, you've done the right thing by returning home, and things can only get better from now on.