Venting I'm so tired, I just want to leave soon.

[AloneInCollege]

Every day is awful, and I feel like it gets worse every day. Sure there are ok days, but even on the ok days I think about offing myself a lot. I think if you drew a graph of my average mental state over the past couple of months it would just be a line going diagonally down. Every day I think its the worst, then the next day comes along. I'm so tired I haven't made my bed in a week. I haven't brushed my teeth in like 3 days. All day my mind is full of so much shit but I'm too tired and lazy to write any of it out, maybe later. I truly feel like I don't and never will have anything to live for in this world. I'm so lonely and sad and anxious and tired. God I'm rambling now. I just want to CTB so bad. Hopefully I get the energy to, I almost have in the past but I pussy out. This time I hope I don't.

 

[come to dust]

I'm in the exact same boat. Sadly CTBing is so much easier said than done.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sounds like you're caught in a horrible vicious cycle and I'm really sad for you. I do understand that you feel it's all meaningless. I think that's a feeling we all share to some extent- and it's not one I can protest against because I don't see much meaning in it all either.

You mentioned that you're struggling with the everyday crap like making your bed and brushing your teeth. Honestly, I live like a slob in terms of cleaning the house- I do the absolute bare minimum.

From what I've heard, personal hygiene is one of the first things to go in depression but the trouble is- I think stopping caring for ourselves even on a basic level makes things even worse. I understand that it's SO difficult but do you think you can make even small steps? Just to keep clean.

I know it's going to seem pointless when ultimately, yours and a lot of our ultimate wishes is to simply not exist. Still- in the time we have to keep going, there are things we can make ourselves do in order to not feel any worse- if that makes any sense?

I'm overweight and unfit but I try to do a bit of exercise each day. I absolutely HATE it but I also know- if I don't do it- I'll feel a whole lot worse. Some days I manage it and some days I don't. I know a lot of stuff is going to seem insurmountable when you're this low but maybe baby steps doing stuff may help a little- at least to stop things getting worse anyhow.

I think a lot of us do want to ctb but for whatever reason, are not quite ready for it yet. Just wish we could all make the time between now and then more bearable. I wish you all the best.

 

[M.i.245541]

Every day is awful, and I feel like it gets worse every day. Sure there are ok days, but even on the ok days I think about offing myself a lot. I think if you drew a graph of my average mental state over the past couple of months it would just be a line going diagonally down. Every day I think its the worst, then the next day comes along. I'm so tired I haven't made my bed in a week. I haven't brushed my teeth in like 3 days. All day my mind is full of so much shit but I'm too tired and lazy to write any of it out, maybe later. I truly feel like I don't and never will have anything to live for in this world. I'm so lonely and sad and anxious and tired. God I'm rambling now. I just want to CTB so bad. Hopefully I get the energy to, I almost have in the past but I pussy out. This time I hope I don't.

That's a pretty accurate way of describing what I'm going through

 

[an_alias]

i feel for you. my lack of an exit makes me feel so lifeless - i've always been grasping for it, but at this point i truly feel like i need a way out. you are NOT alone

 

[FuneralCry]

I am also very tired, the kind of tired that no amount of sleep would ever take away. To me, life just seems so pointless and I have no reason to be here. In a way it is like I have already died. More than anything I wish that ctb was easier. I'm sorry that you are in this situation, I know that it can be dreadful when things just get worse. One of the most horrible things about this life is that there is no limit as to how horrible things can get, they can always get much worse and that is why I want to be gone so badly.
I wish you the best in whatever happens and I hope you find relief from your suffering.

 

[eternalflame]

You need a lot of courage to kill yourself even though they say it's a coward's way out. Unfortunately i'm a coward and i couldn't do it for so long.