I'm so terrified of something bad happening

[snooperdooper]

Every day I am haunted by thoughts that something bad is going to happen. That some previously hidden aspect of puberty has suddenly been unlocked and I've developed a new manly feature. Things along those lines. I am so afraid of things getting worse because I am trying to recover but I am genuinely on the verge of breaking. I am so scared of dying, but I know that there is such unimaginable pain in this world that could be inflicted on me and I am lucky every day not to encounter it. I am just so afraid that something abd will happen which will force me to ctb because living is an even bigger pain than coping with no nexistence. I just wish I wasn't so stupid. I wish I didn't decide to recover at the worst possible time. I wish I was fearless and could kill myself.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

So real.

 

[MapleS]

This sounds lile a hell lot of anxiety.

For me meds helped.
Those anti-anxiety AND mood stabilizers. Like mood stabilisers saved me. Thay make my emotions bearable and managable

and there are anxiety resorces pinned in recovery section that ACTUALLY HELP. like diffrent types of breathing exercises and I think booklets
Understanding your emotions also help like for me it was
(I wanted to recover but was scared of pain so I thought and wanted to kill myself NOW because I was afraid of failing recovery and being in pain. the thing is that I could just wait with killing myself... if you know what I mean)

But I understand you are scared <3 (Wanted to say: fuck me too)