Im so scared of death.
I've had around 3 weeks of being super complacent about my problems. I've been a bit "better". On the phone with family, I don't sound as depressed.
But I realize that the things that made me end up here thinking about suicide are still there and it sends chills down my spine.
I'm incredibly scared of death. I'm incredibly scared for my family and what they would endure. It makes me want to find any way to survive.
But then I walk outside the house, and I see the homeless people begging on the street. I see my desperate self trying psychedelics and weed in order to ease the depression.
I see poor people in third world countries hustling just to survive. While looking so miserable. Who am I to judge, but.. it just makes me sad.
It really makes me want to die. I don't want to become pathetic, but Im also so incredibly scared of dying.
Things suck right now, Im scared of the future. The economy. What will happen to my family. Im scared of us becoming poor, or sick. Im scared that I'll fail college and not find a job.
But also, I know that if I choose suicide, for my family it's gonna be even worse than the risk of poverty.
I'm so incredibly broken.
I've had around 3 weeks of being super complacent about my problems. I've been a bit "better". On the phone with family, I don't sound as depressed.
But I realize that the things that made me end up here thinking about suicide are still there and it sends chills down my spine.
I'm incredibly scared of death. I'm incredibly scared for my family and what they would endure. It makes me want to find any way to survive.
But then I walk outside the house, and I see the homeless people begging on the street. I see my desperate self trying psychedelics and weed in order to ease the depression.
I see poor people in third world countries hustling just to survive. While looking so miserable. Who am I to judge, but.. it just makes me sad.
It really makes me want to die. I don't want to become pathetic, but Im also so incredibly scared of dying.
Things suck right now, Im scared of the future. The economy. What will happen to my family. Im scared of us becoming poor, or sick. Im scared that I'll fail college and not find a job.
But also, I know that if I choose suicide, for my family it's gonna be even worse than the risk of poverty.
I'm so incredibly broken.
