Venting I'm so over this feeling

[T^T]

It's genuinely driving me insane constantly yearning for someone like this. I don't understand why I'm so attached to him anymore, He's made it so clear that he no longer wants anything to do with me but I don't understand why I can't let go. It fucking hurts and I want it to just stop. I know I fucked it up, I know I cheated but it still fucking hurts. And on top of that I'm still trying to process what happened, It's my fault I got attached but it's her fault for kissing me but it's my fault for letting it happen and everything is so fucking conflicting. I have plans to kill myself but I don't want to act on it because it's such a stupid reason to kill myself over. I feel so fucking useless now, all my other friends hang out with each other constantly and I can never do anything about because I live too far away. I'm constantly left out of certain events because I don't have a proper computer to do things with them. I'm in this state of constant loneliness and I can't do anything about because the one person that I would get regular attention from acts like I don't exist anymore. He does something on the same level and barely showed remorse for it. Yes it hurt but at the same time I was willing to work around it. I mean I know why he did it, I don't think it was necessary but I could still understand it. And maybe it's a good thing that it ended but I'm still craving what once was. I feel pathetic over it, It's gotten to a point where it's hard to eat because these emotions make me want to constantly vomit. I just want this to be over.

 

[aRose]

In sorry you're going through this. I keep having dreams where my husband returns and apologizes for being so horrible and admits all his lies and I admit my mistakes and we move forward and love each other again. It's so painful.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Guys come & go (so do women, btw) and although that sucks, not a single one of them is worth CTBing over. This too shall pass, very temporary problem, time & space heal, without a doubt you'll find someone else. If you truly just hate living in addition to this, that's one thing, but otherwise, you could get through it & go on to live a happy life, if you have any interest in that.

 

[pax420]

Different people process different things differently. If that makes sense. I lost mine over cancer 2 years ago and still miss the hell out of her. The heart does what the heart wants to do. But that is not the reason I want to ctb. Nothing to do with it. It takes time but if you hang on it gets easier every day. If it was true love it will never completely go away but it will get better.