tomatobastard
Porcelain
- Jun 8, 2026
- 18
once again i pick apart all that has gone wrong in my life, i can blame others for what was out of my control and the times an adult should have stepped in to help me but when i do i feel bad because i feel like ill never grow out of a victim complex... is it wrong to constantly point out the failings of the adults in my life?? am i dramatic?? all of the times i had reached out for help yet nothing had changed was i to blame?? and then i think that maybe these systems suck and don't care about helping kids with needs, maybe my parents just didnt care about my physical or mental health. It's like people beg you to come to them with your problems so they can feel better about helping you, but when you actually have issues they don't care. mom, dad im suicidal and i have been for a while! "oh well you know everyone struggles you gotta power through!" mom dad! im begging you to teach me how to drive! "when you graduate!" mom dad!! please take me to go get my community service hours in so i can graduate!! "okay we'll say okay now and just not follow through!!"
like is there any end to this?? why are there so many things that loop back to another that i am unable to preform without the help of an adult yet all the adults around me are just as useless as me?? will i just be another useless adult?? that's not the life i wanna live having someone dependent on me yet im never dependable.. maybe i'm sparing myself this way when i die i'll have no responsibilities, if i can't be free then fuck it. you think parents would teach you this stuff but not everyone gets things first try i need help and you never gave it to me i needed help and you never cared so why should i care about how i leave you why should i have to accommodate for everyone's feelings but my own why should i have to tiptoe around you and make you feel better about yourself im asking or help and i get nothing yet im in debt to you im expected to do as you wish i have to put down everything for you and for what for you to not even give a shit
when i die who will show up to my funeral. when i die who will really fucking care. when i die and i will. when i die i hope you realize just how shit you are
I really want to jump, i want to be brave for once im my life and make my own decision. I want to have my favorite song on repeat until im ready. I want the fall to feel like hours and i want to dive head first so the weight of everything is forever lifted from my brain. the weight of the world forever gone ill never have to feel it again, and ill never have to feel any pain ever again and ill never ever live again. i hope when i die that its the end nothing else i dont wanna go anywhere i dont wanna see anything i dont wanna feel and i dont wanna think. i never asked for this shit anyways.
like is there any end to this?? why are there so many things that loop back to another that i am unable to preform without the help of an adult yet all the adults around me are just as useless as me?? will i just be another useless adult?? that's not the life i wanna live having someone dependent on me yet im never dependable.. maybe i'm sparing myself this way when i die i'll have no responsibilities, if i can't be free then fuck it. you think parents would teach you this stuff but not everyone gets things first try i need help and you never gave it to me i needed help and you never cared so why should i care about how i leave you why should i have to accommodate for everyone's feelings but my own why should i have to tiptoe around you and make you feel better about yourself im asking or help and i get nothing yet im in debt to you im expected to do as you wish i have to put down everything for you and for what for you to not even give a shit
when i die who will show up to my funeral. when i die who will really fucking care. when i die and i will. when i die i hope you realize just how shit you are
I really want to jump, i want to be brave for once im my life and make my own decision. I want to have my favorite song on repeat until im ready. I want the fall to feel like hours and i want to dive head first so the weight of everything is forever lifted from my brain. the weight of the world forever gone ill never have to feel it again, and ill never have to feel any pain ever again and ill never ever live again. i hope when i die that its the end nothing else i dont wanna go anywhere i dont wanna see anything i dont wanna feel and i dont wanna think. i never asked for this shit anyways.
