I struggle with clinical social phobia all my life and Its a pure hell. I can't go to nearest store without having anxiety. I can't go anywhere in public without seeing all people are staring at me, thinking: "what an ugly creature". I know, it's probably not like that, not everyone stare at me, not everyone even look or think of me anything, but I truly feel like that, when I go outside. And I feel like all people are against me, they're disgusted by me, they don't like me, they hate me. And Im very very sensitive, sometimes I cry after I saw someone's glance at me, that I think was judgmental, I get upset and let me down when someone's tune of voice was harsh or something like rude. So I'm 17 but Idk what to do, this world seems too different and hard for me. I actually wish I was some heartless, disgusting, terrible person that don't give a shit about other people's feelings and what others think of him, but with beautiful appearance. I saw many people like this, that look beautiful, but their souls rot, and they're loved, they get everything, they get fame, people love them. That's unfair in my opinion, this world is full of unfairness. People hate me, while I actually care about everyone's feelings, I can't even let myself insult anyone, I really can't, I just can't myself say something bad to another person, even if they insulted and bullied me. I try to see good in every situation, in every person, I try to be a good person, but all I got is nothing. Karma doesn't exist, I was a good person all my life, never did nothing bad to anyone, but now I'm depressed and now I don't see any meaning in my life, I truly hate people now. I just accept it. I hate people. There are good once but they're very rare, hard to find them.
So I guess for me it's really would be a good way to end my life. People made me want to end it. Only them. I wanted to do hanging, but not sure how do I hang myself, I mean I have rope, but idk I heard you also need a soap for that, but what you do with a soap?? I had attempt, when I swallowed medicine, but it didn't work. Yes I also can jump from roof, but I'm scared and also scared if video of me falling from roof, that someone might shoot, or security cameras, if my parents and my family will watch that video, it will be really heartbreaking and shocking for them, so no I don't wanna be catches on cameras. I guess hanging would be nice but idk and idek how to hang, so if you know tell me pls
) or tell any other real good methods that will work, but not that painful pls.
So I guess for me it's really would be a good way to end my life. People made me want to end it. Only them. I wanted to do hanging, but not sure how do I hang myself, I mean I have rope, but idk I heard you also need a soap for that, but what you do with a soap?? I had attempt, when I swallowed medicine, but it didn't work. Yes I also can jump from roof, but I'm scared and also scared if video of me falling from roof, that someone might shoot, or security cameras, if my parents and my family will watch that video, it will be really heartbreaking and shocking for them, so no I don't wanna be catches on cameras. I guess hanging would be nice but idk and idek how to hang, so if you know tell me pls
) or tell any other real good methods that will work, but not that painful pls.
