RainAndSadness
Administrator
- Jun 12, 2018
- 2,132
It looks like I'm experiencing strong Rheumatism symptoms at the moment and it's crushing me physically as well as mentally. I was physically a very healthy person until 3 weeks ago. I had mental struggles and I was already suicidal but this is a fucking nightmare.
Here is how that unfolded: Just recently, at the end of October, at the 26th, I noticed a strong pain in my left elbow. I didn't think much of it because I didn't injure myself or anything and thought it would only be a temporary issue. A few days later, it actually disappeared just as quickly as it came. But at the start of November, just one week later, I started to have severe pain in my left knee. It was really painful and I could barely walk. A few days later, the pain in the elbow came back but worse. I also felt a strong pain in my left wrist. During that time I went to the doctor repeatedly to get this checked because the pain only became worse over time, despite pain killers. I hoped it would just magically disappear again but it didn't, the opposite was the case - the pain became gradually worse and it was spreading. Almost every time I woke up, I could either feel the pain becoming more significant or I was feeling discomfort in more locations of my body, mostly joints. I felt pain in my feet, in my right wrist, in my neck and the intensity of the pain was going up super quickly. The doctors prescribed pain medication but honestly, it doesn't do much. They initially thought it was just a temporary inflammation and thought it would disappear again. When my pain didn't stop, they took a blood test and noticed some levels aren't right but they can't make any conclusions yet - so they transferred me to a clinic for Rheumatism today. But the symptoms are very clear, it has to be some kind of Rheumatism, the doctor agreed with that, that's why they sent me to experts in a hospital. My doctor said it might be some Fibromyalgia but I hope I'll get some answers in the hospital, which has it's own discipline for Rheumatism. I can't wait to get this anomaly checked because just 3 weeks ago, I was healthy, without any chronic pain at all. Now, I can't even type this text without severe pain in my left hand. Doing normal things became very difficult. Walking, opening doors, windows, bottles, it's a nightmare. Anything that requires me to use my hands painful. I usually use my right hand for those tasks but the pain is spreading. It's getting worse and I fear it might affect my whole body very soon, which would be horrifying. I feel crippled. I can barely do anything. The pain is really strong at times, it can go to up to a 9/10 I'd say. The pain is the worst when I wake up in the morning, I can barely move my legs or arms because it just hurts too much. It usually gets better during the day so I can at least function somewhat normal but the pain medication, as said before, don't help very much. And I'm just lost for words. I was healthy just like a few weeks ago. Now I don't even recognize my body anymore, like that's horrible. It looks like my life changed forever. Just like that, in a time span of a few weeks. And the worst part is, those rheumatic disorders shouldn't usually come at the age of 26. I'm still kinda young, I was mentally exhausted since my teens and now I'm also physically crippled to some degree. Like, really, the mental pain was enough, but thanks for that, life. Fuck this, man. This is really crushing. Depression, BPD, social anxiety, trauma and now this. I fucking can't. The only positive in all this pile of shit is, that this constant pain should really help a lot in pushing me over the edge for the next attempt. Survival instinct was a bitch until now, but with all that pain, I barely feel anything of that anymore, to be honest. And if there is no treatment to drastically remove the pain, I'll have no choice but to leave. I could cope with the mental struggles, I did actually for a very long time. But the physical pain that just appeared out of nowhere feels like a defeat.
Thanks for reading - I know I don't post much about my personal situation and I'm not the most active person in this forum anymore but I'm glad people listen when I actually do give an update.
Here is how that unfolded: Just recently, at the end of October, at the 26th, I noticed a strong pain in my left elbow. I didn't think much of it because I didn't injure myself or anything and thought it would only be a temporary issue. A few days later, it actually disappeared just as quickly as it came. But at the start of November, just one week later, I started to have severe pain in my left knee. It was really painful and I could barely walk. A few days later, the pain in the elbow came back but worse. I also felt a strong pain in my left wrist. During that time I went to the doctor repeatedly to get this checked because the pain only became worse over time, despite pain killers. I hoped it would just magically disappear again but it didn't, the opposite was the case - the pain became gradually worse and it was spreading. Almost every time I woke up, I could either feel the pain becoming more significant or I was feeling discomfort in more locations of my body, mostly joints. I felt pain in my feet, in my right wrist, in my neck and the intensity of the pain was going up super quickly. The doctors prescribed pain medication but honestly, it doesn't do much. They initially thought it was just a temporary inflammation and thought it would disappear again. When my pain didn't stop, they took a blood test and noticed some levels aren't right but they can't make any conclusions yet - so they transferred me to a clinic for Rheumatism today. But the symptoms are very clear, it has to be some kind of Rheumatism, the doctor agreed with that, that's why they sent me to experts in a hospital. My doctor said it might be some Fibromyalgia but I hope I'll get some answers in the hospital, which has it's own discipline for Rheumatism. I can't wait to get this anomaly checked because just 3 weeks ago, I was healthy, without any chronic pain at all. Now, I can't even type this text without severe pain in my left hand. Doing normal things became very difficult. Walking, opening doors, windows, bottles, it's a nightmare. Anything that requires me to use my hands painful. I usually use my right hand for those tasks but the pain is spreading. It's getting worse and I fear it might affect my whole body very soon, which would be horrifying. I feel crippled. I can barely do anything. The pain is really strong at times, it can go to up to a 9/10 I'd say. The pain is the worst when I wake up in the morning, I can barely move my legs or arms because it just hurts too much. It usually gets better during the day so I can at least function somewhat normal but the pain medication, as said before, don't help very much. And I'm just lost for words. I was healthy just like a few weeks ago. Now I don't even recognize my body anymore, like that's horrible. It looks like my life changed forever. Just like that, in a time span of a few weeks. And the worst part is, those rheumatic disorders shouldn't usually come at the age of 26. I'm still kinda young, I was mentally exhausted since my teens and now I'm also physically crippled to some degree. Like, really, the mental pain was enough, but thanks for that, life. Fuck this, man. This is really crushing. Depression, BPD, social anxiety, trauma and now this. I fucking can't. The only positive in all this pile of shit is, that this constant pain should really help a lot in pushing me over the edge for the next attempt. Survival instinct was a bitch until now, but with all that pain, I barely feel anything of that anymore, to be honest. And if there is no treatment to drastically remove the pain, I'll have no choice but to leave. I could cope with the mental struggles, I did actually for a very long time. But the physical pain that just appeared out of nowhere feels like a defeat.
Thanks for reading - I know I don't post much about my personal situation and I'm not the most active person in this forum anymore but I'm glad people listen when I actually do give an update.
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