Venting I’m so angry

[renrone]

i hold so much anger but what can i do about it? my family makes me unbelievably angry with the fucking shit they do to me and my sister thinking they can just get away with it with no consequences. they refuse to even acknowledge all the abusive shit they've done during my childhood and now, and with my sister when i protect her they make ME the "bad" one? I feel like the only adult in this family, I am the one raising my sister and my parents are basically big children. I just want peace and to ctb but i can't do that because what would become of my sister? i know damn well my parents would not raise her right.

even more, i hate being perceived as a girl. sure, maybe i am an extremely feminine transmasc but what does that matter? i like the stereotypical "feminine" things, i like dressing up and being pretty in pink frills and ribbons and cute things, but i can't even fucking do that without fucking weirdos calling me a child and hot in the same breath. what is wrong with these people? why do i have to run into buildings begging people to help me because i've been followed by some creep who thought i was a "good" target? i can't even find peace in my own damn community, my own name has been ridiculed by so many people for being a "girl's" name, i've even been told i'm not trans. just because i like pretty things ? where do i even get my freedom?

i feel so hopeless, there's so much wrong with this world and i can't even leave it. it makes me feel sick.