I'm scared

[abstractcat7]

I'm really scared. I think my body knows what's coming. I feel like shit, I feel really heavy, my body feels slow, my head hurts. I've always enjoyed scary things and fighting and stuff, but I've never been able to handle body horror or severe injury at all. I'm so fucking scared. What if I fuck up? Shooting myself is as simple as ripping off a band-aid, and that scares me too. Just like that. Unless I fuck up. I hate being alive so much. I'll never get to do any of the things I've always wanted to, the world might even end in the near future. The only thing my future holds is suffering. I've fucked up. I wish I didn't have to be so fucking scared of losing all this pain. Why do I have to be so scared? I wish there was an easier way out. I can't stop replaying what the final moments are going to be like in my mind. I can't stop shaking.

 

[Jadeith]

Shhhhshhhhh....
It's okay.
It's okay to feel this way.
You have every right to be scared.
Everyone does, more or less. Here it's usually called SI - survival instinct.
Your brain, your body is more afraid of dying than of that fucked up future.
That's normal. Don't be mad at yourself because of that.

 

[bpdscared9]

It's okay, OP. If you're not ready yet, don't pressure yourself to do anything you don't really want, the day will eventually come, naturally or not!

Sending you big hugs from here and if you do it, I really hope you have a safe journey.

 

[Nolongerlive]

Believe it or not , many of us here have the same feeling as you . Fear, scare, anxiety, nervousness , you name it.
Some called it as survival instinct.

May take some time to get use to it.