I'm scared...

[EndItPlsGirl]

I'm scared of dieing. But I don't want to continue living this life. I'm scared of not following all the way through.

There was one time I followed through. I was homeless, living behind some bushes. I took a large handful of my psych meds and swallowed them all. Then I laid back and was relieved that it would soon all be over. People say that when you commit suicide you regret your decision right after. I didn't. I wanted to die. I woke up the next day.

All I can do is follow through even if I'm scared. I just hope I can finally end it.

 

[Jamesbond]

Do mind me askig why?
If you've found a home are you depressed or unwell?

 

[EndItPlsGirl]

Depressed and very dysfunctional. I'm also trans and society doesn't treat me like a woman. I have an apartment. I don't know what it is to be an adult. I don't know how to succeed in life.

 

[NihilDoll]

I don't know what it is to be an adult.

You know... this is not the first time it has heard that, and it's genuinely scary...
Society as a whole has failed SO many young people at getting them set up and ready for life.
School is a complete wash, large parts of the curriculum are basically superfluous knowledge in a digital age where everyone has the library of Alexandria in their pockets at all times and it just fails to give them any actual knowledge to survive in this concrete jungle...
"But that's the job of the parents!"
The same parents that have to sometimes work several jobs just to keep the lights on? The same parents that also get worked to the bone to the point where most of them simply lack the energy necessary to prepare a whole other human for life?

Society as is simply doesn't function anymore. It's failing people left and right, because it's a rigid, antiquated system upheld by people perpetually stuck in time, not giving a single shit about anyone that came after them because "We've always done it that way and it helped us".

God, i understand this issue so god damn much It knows such an ungodly amount of people who suffer from this exact thing, it's a recipe for an existential crisis...

 

[Jamesbond]

No offence but I don't want to discuss the whole trans thing mate I don't understand it and id probably come across as ignorant or similar if I tried..But I get the depression. You've got a home and that is important. You've got some security.I don't think you ever suddenly become an adult. With life lessons or anything im 44 in a few weeks and I'm still trying to figure out who I am and my reasons for living. I think that part of life is something where we have to chose our own path. Im Guessing you're quite young

 

[EndItPlsGirl]

Im 42.

 

[Jamesbond]

Im 42.

Then much like me you're struggling, sometimes there is no reason for it that anyone can pin point. I've just spent a week in a an acute ward I've come home attempted again, I feel worse than when I went in,and if it wasn't for the support of a friend I made on here id be gone,
Has anything triggered you or just an episode.

 

[EndItPlsGirl]

It's a culmination of life sucking for the longest time. I just want it to end.

 

[nitritegirl]

Depressed and very dysfunctional. I'm also trans and society doesn't treat me like a woman. I have an apartment. I don't know what it is to be an adult. I don't know how to succeed in life.

we're similar in a few ways, i am also very depressed, i am trans, and i don't know what it is to be an adult. i also want it all to end but it's hard to overcome SI and actually die. maybe tomorrow will be my day as i'll probably get my methods ready but maybe SI won't let me, i don't know. i'd say just the fact of me being trans is enough to ctb, i don't see any reason to live a life that will be forever based on suffering, things that cannot be changed and (very) painful envy. i know that i need to die, i really need to, i just can't overcome the difficulty of it.

 

[EndItPlsGirl]

I just want to end it. Im done with life.